My Fractured Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in a far off land called New York, there were a bunch of castles in a sprawling housing development named Riviera Ridge. Riviera Ridge was in the sleepy little town of Smithtown way, way, far, far out on an island named Long Island. In the large castle at 10 North Ingelore Court in Smithtown there lived a family of four boys and a mom and dad. The two youngest boys were stepbrothers and best friends. Their best friend was a boy named Gary who lived a just a few blocks from them. Tony was the oldest at 16 and Eddie and Gary were both 15. The boys lived so close to each other that they could stand out on the front stoop of their castles and by yelling really, really, really loud, they could talk to each other. Why didn't they just use the telephone you ask? No way, yelling was much cooler and it pissed their mom's off, but that's what teenage boys do, so what did you expect.

Riveria Ridge was just a few years old, so more castles were still being built near by. So of course with new castles, new roads were being built, which in turn meant the water run off from the roads, needed a place to go. So that meant some of the scrub oak forest had to be bull dozed and a large sump dug. The sump was only about 200 yards and across the street from the castle at 10 North Ingelore Court on the other side of what was left of the scrub oak forest.

Then one cold winter night on the 31st of January in year 1965, it snowed and sleeted, which meant that Tony, Eddie and Gary might be able to go sledding the next day. The three best friends woke up nice and early the next morning, well, not that early, heck, it might not of even been morning for all I know. You see, Tony, Eddie and Gary liked to sleep a lot.

Eventually when the three best friends did get up, they looked outside and saw that a couple of inches of snow covered the ground. I know that's not much, but with the sleet, the surface of the snow was a frozen sheet of ice, so they decided it was good enough to give sledding a shot.

After the three best friends eventually got their asses out of bed, they got their sleds and decided that first they would go over to the sump to see if they could go sledding there. The sump was new so it wasn’t fenced in yet. If that were no good, they would go over to Blueberry Hill. (I have no frigging clue why they called it Blueberry Hill, because there weren't any blueberries there)

They met up at the castle at 10 North Ingelore Court and then walked through, what was left of the scrub oak forest, over to the sump. "Let's give it a shot!" they decided. They knew if they picked their spots carefully, they could avoid the exposed lumps of sand and go all the way down the side and most of the way across the bottom of the sump.

So off they went! Oh what fun the three best friends were having zipping down the side of the sump and even falling off once in a while after the sled stuck in the sand. That was the most fun, sliding across the ice snow and getting very dirty and ....laughing all the way...Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.... woops, got side tracked here. Sorry.

When the three best friends wore out one spot, they moved around the sump looking for new places to go sledding. They were starting to run out of places to try, when one of the boys discovered the bestest spot ever. What a beautiful sight to behold it was. There was a largest pile of sand covered in snow you ever did see just off to one side of the sump. (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating her, but it's my fairy tale, so shut up)

The three best friends took turns climbing up to the top of the large pile of snow covered sand and then raced down the side of the pile of sand on their sleds, across the flats and then down the side of the sump. They were so excited, but the fun didn’t last very long, maybe two trips each. You see, the sleds wore away the snow very quickly, exposing more and more sand and it became tougher and tougher to make it down the hills and into the sump.

The got discouraged at how crappy the sledding had become at the sump, so they decided to leave the sump and go over to Blueberry Hill and see how the sledding was there. But Tony wanted to try one last run. Gary and Eddie started yelling at Tony because the sleds were getting stuck, the sledding sucked and it wasn’t safe anymore, but Tony just ignored their warnings and climbed up that large pile of sand for one last run. Little did Tony know that this run would turn out to be his last one that winter.

Just as Tony took off, Eddie, his best friend and step brother, yelled out, “I warned you! I hope you get killed!” Gary and Eddie started to walk away and figured that Tony would catch up when he was done.

The last thing Tony remembers was seeing the large patch of sand right in front of him at the top edge of the sump. Tony tried to avoid the sand but alas, no such luck. The sled stuck hard and fast in the sand and Tony slid forward off the sled rolling head first down the ice and snow covered hill and all the way to the bottom of the sump.

Gary and Eddie turned to see if Tony was coming yet, but they didn’t see him. They called to Tony to hurry up, because they wanted to get going, but Tony didn’t answer. They called again, but he still didn’t answer. So Gary and Eddie walked over to the sump to see what was taking Tony so long and saw him lying motionless in the bottom of the sump with blood on the ice and snow around him. “OMG! HE”S DEAD!” Eddie said to Gary. “I DIDN’T MEAN IT, I WAS JUST MAD! I HOPE HE’S NOT REALLY DEAD!”

Gary and Eddie raced down the side of the sump and found Tony lying unconscious face down in the ice and snow in a pool of blood, they both thought he was really dead. Tony's face was very bloody and cut up pretty badly. Eddie stayed with Tony and Gary ran back to the castle to get help. Gary ran back to the castle at 10 North Ingelore Court and in the front door screaming “TONY’S BEEN HURT, I THINK HE’S DEAD!” Tony’s father was down stairs in his jeans, tee shirt and slippers watching TV and Tony’s stepmother was sitting in the kitchen in her bathrobe smoking, reading and drinking coffee like usual.

Tony’s dad ran up the stairs lickity split and grabbed his coat and dashed out the door. He followed Gary to the sump running through the frozen snow still in his slippers. They got to Tony and saw that no, he was not dead, just unconscious but bleeding quite a bit from all the cuts on his face and from his mouth. Tony’s dad picked up Tony and carried him back to the carriage in the castle driveway and put him in the front seat of the carriage (motor powered not horse drawn, it is 1965 you know). By now Tony’s step mom had gotten dressed and was waiting outside when they got back to the castle.

They all got in the carriage. Dad was driving, Tony was in the middle in the front seat and his step mom was holding him with a towel on his face soaking up the blood and Eddie and Gary were in the backseat. They drove up into town to the doctor’s office and Gary ran inside to get the doctor. The doctor came out, took one look at Tony and told them to go to the emergency room. They drove over to the ER at Smithtown General Hospital in the village of Hauppauge about five miles away, down Maple Avenue and then on down Route 111 to the hospital at the corner of Route 111 and the Smithtown Bypass.

On the way to the hospital, Tony remembers waking up briefly and asking what had happened. He could see they were in the car driving somewhere, but went right back out again. Tony doesn’t remember anything until he woke up in his bed in the hospital.

Tony spent a few days in the hospital because he had a severe concussion and needed a few stitches to close up a split upper lip. In case your worried, Tony fully recovered from the sledding accident and was still the hottest looking boy in the kingdom after his face healed. Tony also went sledding many more times in the winters since then, just not in the sump. They fenced it off very soon after this happened.

BUT WAIT, boys and girls, the story doesn’t end there.

The next day, Eddie and Gary went back down into the sump and scooped up all the bloody snow, put it in a plastic bag and put the bag in the freezer downstairs in the castle freezer. They wanted to save it to show Tony when he got out of the hospital. When Tony saw it, he thought it was just about the coolest thing he had ever seen. When Tony's friends came over, Tony showed them the bag of bloody snow and they all thought it was very cool too, well except for the girls. You see, the girls in the development were sissies and thought things like bloody snow, frogs, snakes and dragons were gross. (yes, dragons. I did say the three best friends lived in castles didn’t I?) Well, there was one girl named Jean that wasn’t a sissy. Jean was bigger and tougher than all the boys in the kingdom and had been known to kick a few of their asses from time to time. She was from New York City and a very, very tough young broad.

Tony left the snow in the freezer for many months and only took it out for show and tell from time to time. Then one day, Tony’s step mom found it while rearranging things in the freezer.

“TONY, EDDIE, GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!” she yelled. “Oh, shit! What did we do now”, the boys said to each other. I hope she didn't find the cigarettes.

Well, Tony and Eddie slowly made their way down stairs and saw their mom holding the plastic bag full of bloody snow. “WHAT IS THIS!” she demanded to know. “It’s the snow from when Tony fell off of the sled” Eddie said.

“WHAT!!!! WHAT IS IT DOING IN MY FREEZER?!” she roared. “Gary and Eddie saved it for me so I could see how much blood there was. I thought it was cool, so I kept it”, Tony said.

“TAKE IT OUTSIDE AND GET RID OF IT THIS INSTANT!” she yelled while handing the plastic bag filled with what was by now, a red lump of ice to Tony. “But I want to keep it” Tony said.

That went over like a lead balloon and his step mom said :“I SAID GET RID OF IT!” at the top of her lungs. “AND AFTER YOU GET RID OF IT, I WANT YOU TWO TO GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!” “Oh great” they thought, now their father is going to kill them, or worse, ground them. So Tony and Eddie, the two best friends and step brothers, went back upstairs to their room to wait for their father to get home.

When their father came home, Tony and Eddie could hear him and their mom talking down stairs for a while, and pretty soon they heard their dad's size 13 lineman’s boots stomping up the stairs. He barged right in to Tony and Eddie’s room without knocking and closed the door behind him and stood there glaring at Tony and Eddie.

Now just picture this, (just setting the mood you know) two very frightened, skinny little15 and 16 year old stepbrothers and best friends, sitting close together on the edge of the bed, staring up at their six foot three inch, 200-something pound bear of a father with a look in his eyes that could kill. At first their dad just stood there for a minute glaring at them. The two stepbrothers just looked at him waiting for the lecture and the eventual consequences they would suffer.

Then they strangest thing happened, a smile started to show on their dad’s face and then he busted out laughing. The two stepbrothers turned and looked at each other with the “WTF is happening” kind of look. It seems their dad thought it was just as cool as the two stepbrothers and all their friends did. Except all the girls still thought it was gross the sissies, but don't include Jean or she'll kick your ass. Remember, she was from New York City and a very, very tough young broad.

Then they all lived happily ever after in that far off land called New York, in that sprawling housing development named Riviera Ridge, in that sleepy little town of Smithtown, way, way, far, far out on the island named Long Island, in the large castle at 10 North Ingelore Court in Smithtown.

Now that’s the end.