Rerun HNT - July 12, 2007

The other day I took a quiz on Facebook to find out if I'd make a good Porn Star or Stripper or Model. The results were stripper. For those of you that may question my expertise, want a good laugh or have a fetish for old fat guys, keep reading.

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A long time ago, when I was just a sexy spring chicken, I performed a spur of the moment strip tease for Lori. She recorded it on video and I posted it on my old blog and on YouTube.

Judging by the 28 comments the blog readers left, they enjoyed it and got a good laugh. The reaction on YouTube was slightly different and it got over 5,000 hits from mostly men and some women that are into fat guys. At first I thought it was a little creepy being lusted after like that, but then figured what the hell. They think I'm hot and took it as a compliment.

Here are some of the comments I received.

Jerseysson27 - Got any old business suits (i.e. Jacket, tie, buttoned down shirts, undies, etc.), that you can do a rip-strip to, next?

garysouza - A very SEXY video!!!! Please do more!!!!! wearing white briefs.

luv4u269 - Very Sexxyyyy!!!

mexfanbear - hooooooooooooooooottttt¡¡¡¡¡¡ do more videos like this please

missanime00 - Sexy for an old gramps.

migturrodrgz - wow very sexy silver daddy, good job stripper!!!!
i would like see more videos stripper, you're so sexy. lack the song; i'm too sexy - right said fred.

So at migturrodrgz's request, I added the song "I'm Too Sexy" to the video, but don't think I posted it here. So without further ado, here's the musical version of a sexy 58 year old fat guy stripping.

Note: I blurred out my naughty bits, but there's a lot of man ass.

HAPPY RERUN HNT!

New Cleaning Ladies

I finally finished putting things away to get the place ready for the two hotties, I mean young ladies that are cleaning my house tomorrow. I think they're qualified, don't you?

Jack HNT

I went out to dinner tonight and made this really good post, but it some how disappeared.

Or was I drunk from too many Jack Daniels shots and imagined it?

I have no idea, but I have to get to sleep.

Regardless, this week they are doing my driveway over. This a pic of my first step on the new walk way from the house to the driveway.

I'll explain the rest tomorrow, maybe.

Right now I'm going to sleep.

Happy Jack Daniels HNT

Birthday Pool Party HNT

Last Friday night we had a birthday pool party at my place for one of Lori's daughters. I spent almost all the night in the pool floating around on my noodle.

At one point I decided to float over to the waterfall and check it out.







Don't you just love looking at the waterfall?

Happy Pool Party HNT

Amazing

I'm having a new driveway installed. Today they ripped the old one up and uncovered an old cesspool. The cesspool of the Hayward estate house that was built in the early 1900's. How cool is that? Old crap and it didn't even stink.

FRIDAY NIGHT ROCKED!

Lots of drinking, plenty of food, topless chicks, naked asses, skinny dipping, chicks touching each other, a butt rub by me for the poor girl that fell on her bum.

I'm trained in first aid so it's okay.

And no, it wasn't Lori's ass I rubbed.

Don't worry, I told her.

And my new under water digital camera, which, BTW, was the best $161 I ever spent.

There were 231 pictures taken, but sorry, no pictures, because what happens in my new back yard resort, stays in my new back yard resort and on my laptop.

Unless you want a picture of my naked ass.

You know something?

It's good to be me.

:-)

National Go-Topless Day HNT - NSFW

Sunday was the day we believers protested for a woman's right to legally be topless in public. I live in New York and currently New York is the only state where women can go topless legally (since a 1992 ruling), so really, Go-Topless Day can be every day here. This is one of the reasons I love the great state of New York.

I so wish I could have been there, but I couldn't make the trip into New York City to join the protest, boy do I wish I could have, but I supported them as an absentee.

I also decided to kill two birds with one stone by being topless and getting ready for next years Masturbation Day.














What?

You didn't really think I'd post a picture of that did you?

Don't complain, at least I'm topless and just starting to get ready.

HAPPY NATIONAL GO-TOPLESS DAY HNT

Sunday

Sunday is national go topless day where a woman’s right to freely go topless will be celebrated.

I know I'll be celebrating.

Lori's in, are you?

Now if I can only find some other women to celebrate with us.

Any volunteers?

POOL PARTY HNT

Can't have a party if the pool isn't clean.














Yes, that's me floating in the chair over on the right.

We'll have a great time.

Wait, did I invite you to the pool party next August 7th?

No? I'm sorry. You are here by invited and of course bathing suits are optional.





I might even cook for you.














I love this view.














I can't believe how good this turned out.














You can even roast marshmallows on my fire pit?














Do you want this to be you next August? Then come over and join in the fun?

HAPPY LONG ISLAND POOL PARTY HNT!

The Best Engine

A notable gynecologist once said,

"The best engine in the world is the vagina.

It can be started with one finger.

It is self-lubricating.

It takes any size piston.

And it changes its own oil every four weeks.

It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental."

Disclaimer: If this offends you, don't blame me, blame Shumpy. He sent it to me in a email and I'm just passing it on. LOL

OMFG!!!!

This is almost the weirdest post I've seen to date.

why does ex boyfriends think its exceptable to ask " Can you suggest a hooker" EVERY fucking ex boyfriend does that too me at some stage- just to rub it in... grrrrrrrrrr... just cause i'm a hooker doesn't mean i want to know what friend of mine you can fuck... grrrrrr

Yes, I know her, but only on line.

WHO WANTS TO BBQ HNT?

Last December my BBQ area looked like this.

Seven months later it looks like this.

Which one do you think I prefer to cook on?

I think my smile gives it away


HAPPY BBQ-ing HNT!


PS
DON'T FORGET, I'M HAVING AN OPEN HOUSE POOL PARTY NEXT AUGUST. CHECK OUT THE COUNT DOWN COUNTER TO THE RIGHT SO YOU CAN MAKE PLANS TO BE THERE.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE.

When will I ever learn?

I locked myself out of the house again this morning. You would have thought that I'd learned my lesson the last time I locked myself out, which was only a month or so ago. I even had the extra key made.

YOU'RE INVITED TO OUR OPEN HOUSE!

Save your pennies and mark your calender. You are all here by invited to a debauchery filled pool party in my new back yard resort next Saturday, August 7th, 2010.

You're all welcome at my new back yard resort!

















You may be served drinks in the pool by our pool boy.

















Lori certainly likes them that way.
























Or, if you lucky, drinks served by our pool girl.

Personally, I prefer being served by the pool girl.




















You may even get to see a hot chick flashing you.

Yes, I talked her into it. I'm so proud.

:-)













So make your plans and come on over! I may even let you sit on my water fall.

HAPPY YOU'RE INVITED
TO OUR OPEN HOUSE HNT!

Family Pool Party HNT

Once a year, Lori's brother's family comes to Long Island (FYI...that's the long island east of New York City that most people don't even know exists) once a year for a visit. One of the days they are here, they celebrate with something they call "Man Date". This year I hosted Man Date at my place.


















I asked my assistant to make the drinks for the guests and heat up the grill for the chicken wings Lori marinated.

Lori has the BEST wing marinate ever!!!!

















The grill was ready so I put the wings on.

Nice grill, huh?



















While the wings cooked, I hung out with my assistant.
















Then the rain moved in. Boy, did it rain and rain buckets and buckets.















Did the rain deter us?

HELL NO!!!!!

We were getting wet either way, so what the hell, go swimming.









I'd had enough of the water, be it rain or pool, so I made another drink and chatted from the steps.

I said I had enough of the rain didn't I?

Happy Man Date HNT!

PS
Thanks for all of the encouraging words. Love you guys, a lot!

PSS
Next summer my back yard resort will be finished and you are all invited to my place for an HNT get together. Be there or be square!

PSSS
Clothing optional of course.

IS MY STEP MOM TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?

Summer Classes for Men at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, August 16th 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice..
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, 'HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW'.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, 'FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO'.

'FINE',

THEN THE WIFE ASKS, 'WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT'.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, 'FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO'.

'FINE',

SHE SAYS 'THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK '

'I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS'. HE SAYS, 'DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

'I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!! '

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS....................................... HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE, HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

'HONEY', HE ASKS, 'HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?'

SHE SAID, 'WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE'.

HE SAID, 'SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?'

SHE REPLIED, 'HELLOOOOO.. DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!'

Contemplation HNT

I'm contemplating stopping blogging. Since going private, my readership has dropped to almost nothing and last week my HNT only got one comment. Doesn't seem worth the effort to me.

What do you think?

Happy HNT?

BIRTHDAY PRESENT HNT

Last week my son Brian told me that he finally figured out what he wanted me to buy him with the money I promised him for his birthday. That was ON April 26th. He said that he was going sky diving in two hours and wanted me to pay for it.

WTF? SKY DIVING!

Believe me, this was the last thing I imagined he'd say to me that morning. The last thing I imagined he would ask me to buy him with his birthday money. I swallowed hard and thought, presents are all about getting things we want and things we wish we had. He wanted to go sky diving didn't he, so, against my better judgment, I said yes.

Did you ever have the urge to go sky diving. The urge to jump out of an airplane when it's not even about to crash and you have to. Just doing it just for the fun of it? FUN? That's not my idea of fun. I do enjoy scuba diving and some say the same thing about that. But I don't really compare the two, because I can swim, but I sure as hell can't fly, no matter how hard I flap my arms.

He smiled, gave me a hug, told me they would be jumping at 1:30 and walked happily out the door, hopefully to return to me alive and in one piece. Here are some pictures from his big day.

Note: I know these pictures aren't of me, but he's half mine, so I'm counting it as an official HNT post.

Training over and it's time to get aboard the plane. The hot blond next to him was the other nut, I mean friend of his that was jumping too.







"Your turn Brian, ready"

Quote, "Ya, I fucking psyched!"







No turning back now.









"SSSSSSSHHHHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!!!!"













"WOW, this is awesome!"













"YAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"









There he is, way up there.....










...and it's a long way down.









Here he come now!









He's almost down.









I can almost feel the ground.

I"M ALIVE!
I CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN!

HAPPY SKY DIVING BIRTHDAY PRESENT HNT!

FYI, as excited as he was when he landed, he puked his guts out a 1/2 hour later. LMAO!!!! But he can't wait to do it again.

NOT SO HAPPY HNT

Things had been going well with my outdoor back yard project. Yesterday, about 1/4 of the pavers had been put down.


Today, Lori and I made a toast to my "resort".

WTF are those things on our wrists you ask? They're hospital bracelets. You know, the bracelets they give you when need medical attention in a hospital. Today, Wednesday, Lori went to the hospital to get some shots in her spine that are supposed to relieve the pain from her ruptured discs. My bracelet was a present the VA hospital gave for my injured hand/wrist.

Long story short, I was cleaning my pool and stumbled over some patio stones. I fell forward and reached out with my left hand to break my fall. I tried to stop myself from falling in the pool, but alas, no use, in the pool I went.

Two of the construction worker ran over to help, but I assured them I was okay. I then swam to the steps, climbed out of the pool dripping water feeling like an idiot for not paying attention to were I was going.

My hand hurt a bit, as much as anyone's hand that smashed down on concrete. Not that painful, but it did hurt. I went inside, stripped to my birthday suit and got in the shower. That done, I hung up my wet clothes in the basement.

A few hours later, the swelling and pain alarmed me. I fucked up hand when I fell. I called Lori and asked her for a favor, "Can you give a ride to the hospital, I think I broke my hand?"

Of course she agreed, but do you know what her second thought was?

You'll never guess.

She was relieved that it was my left hand and not my magical right hand. The hand with the magic fingers. You figure out why they are magical. ;-)

Anyway, she came over and drove me to the VA hospital. I was the only one there. I saw the doctor, had x rays and was told it didn't look broken. That surprised me, because my hand was the size if the Good Year blimp.

Fine. I got me some drugs, a bandage and Lori drove me home. She stayed with me to make sure I would be okay.

Today she had a procedure that hopefully, relieves the pain she's had daily for the last five years. So far, so good. Only time will tell.

The day goes by, I apply ice on and off and and take the drugs. I was looking forward to the swelling going down, so I can enjoy the BBQ at my place on Saturday. (BTW, you're all invited.) I really expected my hand to feel better and look better, but no, that would be too much to ask.


Yes, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww......... I think the doctor's daginosis may be wrong. What do you think?

Looks like tomorrow I will be getting a second opinion.

NOT SO HAPPY HNT!

FYI, girls, sympathy pics will be gratefully appreciated. HINT, HINT.....