Saturday, November 25, 2006

Medical Chart Notes

I received this in an email. Hopefully, I never have contact with any of the doctors that wrote these notes.

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1. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

7. Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. She is numb from her toes down.

15. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

7 comments:

gab said...

lol great doctors we have now-a-days

lime said...

i think i've been treated by a couple of those docs....

jillie said...

Not only have I been treated by a couple of they "quacks" I think I may have even WORKED for a couple of them!!! YIKES

Jes said...

i'm willing to bet some of them are from right here in Seoul...

Queen of Ass said...

Still? I think I'd go to them just for the added humor in my life.

Rhea said...

I love these things.

Foxglove said...

Oh, Os, you should see some of the notes I see! (also some of the ones I write!)
Patient is visible on unit. I write that everyday, though the alternative would seem to be that the patient is INVISIBLE on the unit. Which would be cool, but not my job. I see lots of "no acute symptoms" when the patient being referred to has been screaming at the top of his lungs all day that his wife is the devil and she has eaten his soul. But no acute symptoms....I can't find any links right now (still kinda drugged) but there's scary scary ones.