Sunday, November 26, 2006

I'm not sure how I feel.

If you remember, Lori cleaned my house from top to bottom last weekend. Her parents are down from Rhode Island for the holiday and are coming to my place tomorrow. Lori's parents have never been here, so I wanted to make sure I put most of my shit away to make them think I'm not the slob that I really am.

I was putting away my crap from the top of the entertainment center in the living room. Some of that stuff has been there forever. I came across the pocket recorder I used to use at my last job. I was curious what was on it, so I pressed play. Nothing, the batteries were dead. So I put in new batteries and pressed play again.

First I heard an announcer for the Food Network and then I heard my late wife Barbara's voice......... "Monday afternoon, Emeril........., Essence of Emeril, I think. Something called beef bull yard (sp), I think."

You see, I stopped using the pocket recorder at work and gave it to Barbara to use. She had trouble remembering things, so I gave it to her to record things she wanted to tell me. Mostly she used it to record messages about the things she saw on the Food channel that she wanted me to make for us.

I played eight more entries. They were all from her and all pretty much the same as the first one I heard.

I put the recorder aside, I'd heard enough for now. When I'm ready, I'm going to play more of her messages on the recorder. I also have some videos of her that some day I'll watch. Just not right now.

10 comments:

gab said...

It takes time. But when you are ready you will have some great memories.

MamaKBear said...

Awwwwww, sweetie! I know it's got to be hard...it must have been kind of a shock to hear her voice when you weren't expecting to. I can tell you still miss her very much!

Hugs!!

lime said...

i'm sure when you're ready those recordings will be precious

SignGurl said...

Tony, this made my heart hurt for you. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling now.

{{hard hugs}}

jillie said...

I can say I "kind" of know how you feel. My sister and mother played tapes of my dad from YEARS ago. Since I was only 10 when he passed away, it was music to my ears to hear his voice. Although I had never really forgotten what it sounded like, it just revived it. Only you will know when you are ready to listen to it and treasure every moment. She was a lucky woman to have you. Take your time Tony...

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine how it felt to hear her voice on the recording. I felt kind of sad for you when I read this. I am sure you miss her! {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

patti_cake said...

I know it's hard but that's wonderful you have those things. I still have a hard time hearing recordings or watching videos of people I love who are gone. I can look at photographs but the other things hurt too much.

Jodes said...

that is an amazing thing that you have, keep those tapes forever. when you are ready you will know. I wish I had more than just photos of my Dad. you are so lucky.

Anonymous said...

yes, sad... but bittersweet is a better word.
recordings, audio and visual, are hard.
you titled this post perfectly.

barefoot_mistress said...

Aw Tony, that is so heavy. I'm sure when you are ready....
Blessings, sweet man.