Bad Jokes

Mondays are usually a sucky day for everyone that has to go to work and isn't retired like me, so I just thought I would do my part to make it even worse for you and give you some bad jokes from PaulSadowski.com.

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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" " Well, It's Not Unusual."

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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

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Bubba was from the lower valley, and he decided he wanted to get married to his sweetheart. So, while enjoying some grits and gravy for dinner one evening, Bubba brought up the subject with his Ma and Pa. 'Bubba, you can't get married yet,' insisted Ma. 'You're the baby of the family.' 'But Ma,' Bubba protested, 'I just had my 38th birthday last week.' 'We know that, Bubba,' Pa chimed, 'but your Ma and me think you should put off getting married until after you graduate from high school.'

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Person turns on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a 'Keyboard Error' message. She then asks 'Why did it give me a keyboard error? There isn't even a keyboard attached?

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

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The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. 'Need some help?' a secretary, walking by, asked. 'Yes,' he replied, 'how does this thing work?' 'Simple,' she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. 'Thanks, but where do the copies come out?'

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Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

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Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

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A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'

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I'm feeling a bit guilty that I made your Monday even worse than it probably already is, so here are a couple of jokes from the web site I actually liked.

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One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for while, he tells his daughter she can't do it because he's her half brother. The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get pissed off. She goes to her mom and says, 'Mom... What have you been doing all your life? Dad's been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can't marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!!!' Her mom replies, 'Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn't really your dad.'

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A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop says to the man, 'Do you know that you were speeding?' The man replies, 'No sir, I didn't know I was speeding.' The mans wife then yells, 'Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I've been telling you to slow down for miles.' 'SHUT UP!' the man says to his wife, 'Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite.' Then the cop says, 'well, since I've got you pulled over did you know that the tag on your license plate is expired?' 'No Sir' the man replies, 'I did not know that' 'WHATEVER!' His wife yells, 'I've been telling you to go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!' 'Shut up' the man yells to his wife again! 'Sit back and shut up, mind your own business!' Curious, the cop walks over to the woman's side of the car and asks her, 'Does he always talk to you this way?' 'No' she replies, ' Only when he's drinking!'


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I want you all to know, I'm not really happy you have to go to work and your Mondays suck. I'm just happy I'm retired and I don't have to go to work anymore like you and I just wanted to rub it in a little. That doesn't make me a bad person now, does it?