BBQ Championship HNT

Last weekend in my little home town of Sayville, NY they held the last leg of the Kansas City BBQ Society's New York State BBQ Championship. Seven BBQ contests are held all over New York State starting in May each year. The winner is the team with the four highest scores in each contest. The this year's champion was 'Smoke On Wheels'.

These three really look like they enjoy their BBQ don't they? LOL

You don't get to try any of the BBQ entered in the contest unless the entrants want to give what's left away. We only saw two teams doing that and people were pounding it down.

Lori and I didn't really go there for the BBQ, but to see the Worlds largest BBQ Grill, the Johnsonville Big Taste Grill, 65-feet of grilling goodness. It even has it's own little kitchen.


Of course we had to have a Johnsonville brat. $3 each and all proceeds went to breast cancer.

This grill is on the road 340 days a year and at every stop, they donate all the food and all proceeds goes to a local charity. I'm impressed.




Bet you wish had one...........










.........with 'Beer & Brat' mustard with horse radish. Nothing better than that.

Okay, we didn't have a beer, because the line was 30-40 people long and the brat was long gone by then.

HAPPY BBQ BRAT HNT

PS
When I went to buy the brats, I ordered a bratwurst. The girl asked me if I wanted brats, because they don't sell bratwurst. So, FYI, JOHNSONVILLE BRATS ARE NOT BRATWURSTS, THEY ARE BRATS, JOHNSONVILLE BRATS!

Not all sexual harrassment is a bad thing

I would come out of retirement and even work for free to work for Chelsea Handler. And you all know how much I enjoy being retired.

Please vote, for me.

Come on folks. We have my friend Barbara up to 35th place out of about 5,000. Please vote for her daily. For me? If she makes it, she comes to New York and promised to come for a swim in my pool. I'll be your best friend. :-)

http://www.exploremodeling.com/Contest/Faceof_ELF_2010/13405/Barbara_Rappaport.aspx

You can't possibly deny me this hot babe swimming in my pool, can you?

Sorry, but no HNT this week, I was drunk last night.

Okay, maybe I wasn't drunk, but I forgot to get something ready yesterday and when I got home from dinner last night, I fell a sleep.

Last night I went to dinner at a local seafood bar/restaurant. Liz, our favorite barmaid was working. The place was quiet with just me and three women in their 30s sitting at the bar. I ordered a beer and asked for a menu planning to stay just long enough for dinner and a couple of beers. That wasn't in the cards and it wasn't my fault, I swear.

Liz puts out shot glasses in front of us when I sat down and told us that she wants to drink to a girl friend of hers that was murdered by her boy friend last week. She pours Jamenson scotch in the glasses, because that's what what her friend drank. We toasted to Liz's friend, may she rest in peace.

The small talk started, another friend of the girls came in and sat next to me. This women was older, she said 50-something. How do I know this? Because the girls wanted Liz to guess how old they were. Then they asked me. Ya, like I'm going tell them what I really think. I made some lame guess about being in their mid-20s, got a few giggles out of them and they gave their real ages; 32, 34, 31 & 50-something.

Then I asked them to guess how old they thought I was. I got a 42, 44, 39 & 54. (What sweet girls.) They feigned surprise when I told them I was going to be 61 on the 4th. Time for another round of shots this time paid for by the girls. I choose scotch again as not to mix my liquors. Bottoms up!

My dinner came. It was a special of the day; linguine with white clam sauce with three different types of sauted fish, fresh spinach & grape tomatoes. You could have fed four with the amount they gave me. More small talk about my dinner and before I knew it, the woman next to me wanted to buy me a shot. She doesn't drink scotch, so we settle on Southern Comfort, chilled.

Seems she met her girl friends up there because she didn't want to go home and eat the steak her husband was cooking for dinner. Huh? Her husband cooks dinner and she doesn't want to eat it? She said she doesn't like steak and their kids will be there, so she won't be missed. What's up with that?

Anyway, more small talk, another beer or two another shot and I bid them a fond farewell.

What's with these girls buying me shots? Do I look easy to them?

People of Walmart

ROTFLMAO! What are these people thinking? I don't really care, because they are entertaining me. Stick with it, because it gets better and better.

People of Walmart ROCK!



.

Closet Cleaning HNT

Lavender wasn't exactly the best color choice to stand up to dirt in my bedroom, but since purple is my favorite color, I choose it for my bedroom carpet about 30 years ago. Time has taken it's toll and finally it was time the carpet was replaced.

Let's start in the closet. I finally found one of my son's box cutters to use to slice the carpet.

FYI: Brian is not a gang member, but the produce manger in the produce department of Stop & Shop, so we have a LARGE supply of box cutters.


Start cutting here.........










.......stop there.....













Cut over there.....



You knew Lori would be checking out my ass, didn't you?











Geeze!!!!! Not another one?


FYI, I didn't post the rest of the ass shots to spare you. One can only take so much of my ass IMO.












I pealed back the carpet and low and behold, hard wood floors. Not one of those laminate floors, but real solid oak floors.















Pealed the carpet up, vacuumed the left over carpet bits and low and behold.............

...FRIGGING OAK FLOOR!

OAK FLOORS ARE HOT HNT!

Say a prayer

Os, aka Scott, is in ICU at St Pete's recovering from severely high blood sugar-probably in for the weekend. Sure he'll give more detail when he's recovered a bit but please send good thoughts and prayers.

The Human Body!

Very informative!

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

Guest Post HNT!

I've never broken the HNT rules like this before, but in this case, I had an offer I couldn't refuse. You know the rule about us being in the picture and all that?

RULES BE DAMNED!

My good friend Barbara Rappaport is a model, actress, singer, painter, writer and one hot looking chick. She entered a modeling contest to be the 30-something face of ELF cosmetics. They are seeking a 20, 30 and 40-something woman for this endeavor. They will pick the top in each age group and then fly them to NYC for a photo shoot and the final selection.

She said she generally doesn't enter contests but figured, what the hell, you never know. Here is the link. Any votes are appreciated!

As an extra special incentive, Barbara sent along a couple of pictures that I think will really show you why she deserves your votes.

So vote every day and lets get her to NY City and out to Long Island for a visit to my place and in my pool.


In addition, my 61st birthday is on November 4th, so consider your vote for her as your birthday present to me.

Here's an even hotter picture as incentive.


Don't tell me you don't think she deserves this. This girl is HOT! So what are you waiting for, click the link and vote for her.

FYI: You can vote daily. If you do, I'll be your BFF.

HAPPY GUEST POST HNT!


Drop by Barbara's blog and wish her luck. Don't forget to tell her I sent you.

Good Friends HNT

Tuesday Jillie & Robert came over for a visit.


First there was the show-off-the-yard tour.









Followed by the photo op on the patio.










We chatted for a while then went up town to a local pub, Cricket's, for lunch.













Jillie & Robert was told how nice Sayville was, so I took them on a walking tour of Main & South Main Streets.









Sayville has a lot of history since it was founded in 1761, so Robert wanted a tour. We drove all over south Sayville & West Sayville. One of the highlights was a drive past the home owned by a cameraman for Sesame Street & Big Bird.







Then back to my place for drinks before they hit the road.

"Well now it's time to say goodbye to Tony and his girl
They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in
You're all invited back again to this locality
To have a heaping helping of their hospitality
Sayville that is"

"Y'all come back now, ya hear?"


And next August that includes y'all. I'm having a pool party and you're all invited.

HAPPY GOOD FRIENDS HNT!

Free Flu Shots and Lunch for Senior Citizens

For the last six years, a local business in Florida, has been giving away free flu shots and a gourmet lunch to senior citizens. I'll bet you can't guess who's hosting it? All I can say is that I wish they were doing this my area.

Video: Free flu shots and lunch for senior citizens.

Front Yard Remodeling HNT

Y'all know I've been remodeling my back yard for frigging ever. So why stop at just the back yard? Why not just get it all the hell over with and finish the outside once and for all? There have been big changes.

Here's the Old Homestead in 2005. Kind of over grown, don't you think?

That was the year my wife was diagnosed with brain cancer and I just didn't really care what it looked like.

Then I was stalked my the love of my life and my clone, Lori until I asked her out in March 2006. We met, fell in love and the rest is history.

We spent a lot of time fixing up the front yard and back yard. The front turned out like this.

It looked respectable at the time, but after remodeling the rest of my yard this year and seeing how good the place could look, this just wasn't going to cut it. I decided that once the back was finished, I'd get the front done too.

No, it's not finished yet. They still have more shrubs to plant, the sod needs to be laid, I need new blacktop for the driveway and a couple of new outside lights installed.

So what do you think so far?

What?

You want a closer look. Okay, here.

Not so fast!

I'll show a better shot when they finish.

Some how it's just not right to show you my front yard half nekkid.


HAPPY FRONT YARD REMODELING
HALF NEKKID THURSDAY!

PS
I'm so frigging excited! Jillie and her significant other Robert are coming here for a visit next week all the way from San Diego. So in their honor, I'm getting the place cleaned again by my new cleaning hotties. I mean cleaning ladies.

Now THIS is the best job ever!

Katy Perry's boob straightener outer.

While shooting her new video in L.A. yesterday, the 24-year-old got some help getting her breasts realigned by her stylist.

Pool Party Reminder

Next August 7th I am having a pool party in my new back yard resort and you're all invited. Sorry, but adults only. I've gotten a lot of responses, so counting Lori & I, the respondents and their known partners, I have 15 yes' and 31 maybe's. I know everyone won't be able to make it, but that's still a lot of people and there's still 322 days to go.

Here's a list of the places people are coming from.

Long Island, NY
Montana
Washington DC
Texas
Michigan
Buffalo, NY
NY City
South Carolina
California
Tennessee
Montreal, Canada
Vancouver, Canada
Florida
Las Vegas
Kentucky
Massachusetts
Kansas
New Jersey
Oregon
Minnesota

Who hasn't responded yet?

Rerun HNT - July 12, 2007

The other day I took a quiz on Facebook to find out if I'd make a good Porn Star or Stripper or Model. The results were stripper. For those of you that may question my expertise, want a good laugh or have a fetish for old fat guys, keep reading.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A long time ago, when I was just a sexy spring chicken, I performed a spur of the moment strip tease for Lori. She recorded it on video and I posted it on my old blog and on YouTube.

Judging by the 28 comments the blog readers left, they enjoyed it and got a good laugh. The reaction on YouTube was slightly different and it got over 5,000 hits from mostly men and some women that are into fat guys. At first I thought it was a little creepy being lusted after like that, but then figured what the hell. They think I'm hot and took it as a compliment.

Here are some of the comments I received.

Jerseysson27 - Got any old business suits (i.e. Jacket, tie, buttoned down shirts, undies, etc.), that you can do a rip-strip to, next?

garysouza - A very SEXY video!!!! Please do more!!!!! wearing white briefs.

luv4u269 - Very Sexxyyyy!!!

mexfanbear - hooooooooooooooooottttt¡¡¡¡¡¡ do more videos like this please

missanime00 - Sexy for an old gramps.

migturrodrgz - wow very sexy silver daddy, good job stripper!!!!
i would like see more videos stripper, you're so sexy. lack the song; i'm too sexy - right said fred.

So at migturrodrgz's request, I added the song "I'm Too Sexy" to the video, but don't think I posted it here. So without further ado, here's the musical version of a sexy 58 year old fat guy stripping.

Note: I blurred out my naughty bits, but there's a lot of man ass.

HAPPY RERUN HNT!

New Cleaning Ladies

I finally finished putting things away to get the place ready for the two hotties, I mean young ladies that are cleaning my house tomorrow. I think they're qualified, don't you?

Jack HNT

I went out to dinner tonight and made this really good post, but it some how disappeared.

Or was I drunk from too many Jack Daniels shots and imagined it?

I have no idea, but I have to get to sleep.

Regardless, this week they are doing my driveway over. This a pic of my first step on the new walk way from the house to the driveway.

I'll explain the rest tomorrow, maybe.

Right now I'm going to sleep.

Happy Jack Daniels HNT

Birthday Pool Party HNT

Last Friday night we had a birthday pool party at my place for one of Lori's daughters. I spent almost all the night in the pool floating around on my noodle.

At one point I decided to float over to the waterfall and check it out.







Don't you just love looking at the waterfall?

Happy Pool Party HNT

Amazing

I'm having a new driveway installed. Today they ripped the old one up and uncovered an old cesspool. The cesspool of the Hayward estate house that was built in the early 1900's. How cool is that? Old crap and it didn't even stink.

FRIDAY NIGHT ROCKED!

Lots of drinking, plenty of food, topless chicks, naked asses, skinny dipping, chicks touching each other, a butt rub by me for the poor girl that fell on her bum.

I'm trained in first aid so it's okay.

And no, it wasn't Lori's ass I rubbed.

Don't worry, I told her.

And my new under water digital camera, which, BTW, was the best $161 I ever spent.

There were 231 pictures taken, but sorry, no pictures, because what happens in my new back yard resort, stays in my new back yard resort and on my laptop.

Unless you want a picture of my naked ass.

You know something?

It's good to be me.

:-)

National Go-Topless Day HNT - NSFW

Sunday was the day we believers protested for a woman's right to legally be topless in public. I live in New York and currently New York is the only state where women can go topless legally (since a 1992 ruling), so really, Go-Topless Day can be every day here. This is one of the reasons I love the great state of New York.

I so wish I could have been there, but I couldn't make the trip into New York City to join the protest, boy do I wish I could have, but I supported them as an absentee.

I also decided to kill two birds with one stone by being topless and getting ready for next years Masturbation Day.














What?

You didn't really think I'd post a picture of that did you?

Don't complain, at least I'm topless and just starting to get ready.

HAPPY NATIONAL GO-TOPLESS DAY HNT

Sunday

Sunday is national go topless day where a woman’s right to freely go topless will be celebrated.

I know I'll be celebrating.

Lori's in, are you?

Now if I can only find some other women to celebrate with us.

Any volunteers?

POOL PARTY HNT

Can't have a party if the pool isn't clean.














Yes, that's me floating in the chair over on the right.

We'll have a great time.

Wait, did I invite you to the pool party next August 7th?

No? I'm sorry. You are here by invited and of course bathing suits are optional.





I might even cook for you.














I love this view.














I can't believe how good this turned out.














You can even roast marshmallows on my fire pit?














Do you want this to be you next August? Then come over and join in the fun?

HAPPY LONG ISLAND POOL PARTY HNT!

The Best Engine

A notable gynecologist once said,

"The best engine in the world is the vagina.

It can be started with one finger.

It is self-lubricating.

It takes any size piston.

And it changes its own oil every four weeks.

It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental."

Disclaimer: If this offends you, don't blame me, blame Shumpy. He sent it to me in a email and I'm just passing it on. LOL

OMFG!!!!

This is almost the weirdest post I've seen to date.

why does ex boyfriends think its exceptable to ask " Can you suggest a hooker" EVERY fucking ex boyfriend does that too me at some stage- just to rub it in... grrrrrrrrrr... just cause i'm a hooker doesn't mean i want to know what friend of mine you can fuck... grrrrrr

Yes, I know her, but only on line.

WHO WANTS TO BBQ HNT?

Last December my BBQ area looked like this.

Seven months later it looks like this.

Which one do you think I prefer to cook on?

I think my smile gives it away


HAPPY BBQ-ing HNT!


PS
DON'T FORGET, I'M HAVING AN OPEN HOUSE POOL PARTY NEXT AUGUST. CHECK OUT THE COUNT DOWN COUNTER TO THE RIGHT SO YOU CAN MAKE PLANS TO BE THERE.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE.

When will I ever learn?

I locked myself out of the house again this morning. You would have thought that I'd learned my lesson the last time I locked myself out, which was only a month or so ago. I even had the extra key made.

YOU'RE INVITED TO OUR OPEN HOUSE!

Save your pennies and mark your calender. You are all here by invited to a debauchery filled pool party in my new back yard resort next Saturday, August 7th, 2010.

You're all welcome at my new back yard resort!

















You may be served drinks in the pool by our pool boy.

















Lori certainly likes them that way.
























Or, if you lucky, drinks served by our pool girl.

Personally, I prefer being served by the pool girl.




















You may even get to see a hot chick flashing you.

Yes, I talked her into it. I'm so proud.

:-)













So make your plans and come on over! I may even let you sit on my water fall.

HAPPY YOU'RE INVITED
TO OUR OPEN HOUSE HNT!