Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Family Pool Party HNT

Once a year, Lori's brother's family comes to Long Island (FYI...that's the long island east of New York City that most people don't even know exists) once a year for a visit. One of the days they are here, they celebrate with something they call "Man Date". This year I hosted Man Date at my place.


















I asked my assistant to make the drinks for the guests and heat up the grill for the chicken wings Lori marinated.

Lori has the BEST wing marinate ever!!!!

















The grill was ready so I put the wings on.

Nice grill, huh?



















While the wings cooked, I hung out with my assistant.
















Then the rain moved in. Boy, did it rain and rain buckets and buckets.















Did the rain deter us?

HELL NO!!!!!

We were getting wet either way, so what the hell, go swimming.









I'd had enough of the water, be it rain or pool, so I made another drink and chatted from the steps.


I said I had enough of the rain didn't I?


Happy Man Date HNT!



PS
Thanks for all of the encouraging words. Love you guys, a lot!

PSS
Next summer my back yard resort will be finished and you are all invited to my place for an HNT get together. Be there or be square!

PSSS
Clothing optional of course.

Monday, July 27, 2009

IS MY STEP MOM TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?

Summer Classes for Men at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, August 16th 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice..
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health
Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, 'HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW'.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, 'FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO'.

'FINE',

THEN THE WIFE ASKS, 'WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT'.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, 'FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO'.

'FINE',

SHE SAYS 'THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK '

'I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS'. HE SAYS, 'DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

'I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!! '

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS....................................... HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE, HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

'HONEY', HE ASKS, 'HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?'

SHE SAID, 'WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE'.

HE SAID, 'SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?'

SHE REPLIED, 'HELLOOOOO.. DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!'

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Contemplation HNT

I'm contemplating stopping blogging. Since going private, my readership has dropped to almost nothing and last week my HNT only got one comment. Doesn't seem worth the effort to me.

What do you think?

Happy HNT?

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

BIRTHDAY PRESENT HNT

Last week my son Brian told me that he finally figured out what he wanted me to buy him with the money I promised him for his birthday. That was ON April 26th. He said that he was going sky diving in two hours and wanted me to pay for it.

WTF? SKY DIVING!

Believe me, this was the last thing I imagined he'd say to me that morning. The last thing I imagined he would ask me to buy him with his birthday money. I swallowed hard and thought, presents are all about getting things we want and things we wish we had. He wanted to go sky diving didn't he, so, against my better judgment, I said yes.

Did you ever have the urge to go sky diving. The urge to jump out of an airplane when it's not even about to crash and you have to. Just doing it just for the fun of it? FUN? That's not my idea of fun. I do enjoy scuba diving and some say the same thing about that. But I don't really compare the two, because I can swim, but I sure as hell can't fly, no matter how hard I flap my arms.

He smiled, gave me a hug, told me they would be jumping at 1:30 and walked happily out the door, hopefully to return to me alive and in one piece. Here are some pictures from his big day.

Note: I know these pictures aren't of me, but he's half mine, so I'm counting it as an official HNT post.

Training over and it's time to get aboard the plane. The hot blond next to him was the other nut, I mean friend of his that was jumping too.







"Your turn Brian, ready"

Quote, "Ya, I fucking psyched!"







No turning back now.









"SSSSSSSHHHHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!!!!"













"WOW, this is awesome!"













"YAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"









There he is, way up there.....










...and it's a long way down.









Here he come now!









He's almost down.









I can almost feel the ground.









I"M ALIVE!
I CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN!



HAPPY SKY DIVING BIRTHDAY PRESENT HNT!


FYI, as excited as he was when he landed, he puked his guts out a 1/2 hour later. LMAO!!!! But he can't wait to do it again.



Wednesday, July 01, 2009

NOT SO HAPPY HNT

Things had been going well with my outdoor back yard project. Yesterday, about 1/4 of the pavers had been put down.


Today, Lori and I made a toast to my "resort".

WTF are those things on our wrists you ask? They're hospital bracelets. You know, the bracelets they give you when need medical attention in a hospital. Today, Wednesday, Lori went to the hospital to get some shots in her spine that are supposed to relieve the pain from her ruptured discs. My bracelet was a present the VA hospital gave for my injured hand/wrist.

Long story short, I was cleaning my pool and stumbled over some patio stones. I fell forward and reached out with my left hand to break my fall. I tried to stop myself from falling in the pool, but alas, no use, in the pool I went.

Two of the construction worker ran over to help, but I assured them I was okay. I then swam to the steps, climbed out of the pool dripping water feeling like an idiot for not paying attention to were I was going.

My hand hurt a bit, as much as anyone's hand that smashed down on concrete. Not that painful, but it did hurt. I went inside, stripped to my birthday suit and got in the shower. That done, I hung up my wet clothes in the basement.

A few hours later, the swelling and pain alarmed me. I fucked up hand when I fell. I called Lori and asked her for a favor, "Can you give a ride to the hospital, I think I broke my hand?"

Of course she agreed, but do you know what her second thought was?

You'll never guess.

She was relieved that it was my left hand and not my magical right hand. The hand with the magic fingers. You figure out why they are magical. ;-)

Anyway, she came over and drove me to the VA hospital. I was the only one there. I saw the doctor, had x rays and was told it didn't look broken. That surprised me, because my hand was the size if the Good Year blimp.

Fine. I got me some drugs, a bandage and Lori drove me home. She stayed with me to make sure I would be okay.

Today she had a procedure that hopefully, relieves the pain she's had daily for the last five years. So far, so good. Only time will tell.

The day goes by, I apply ice on and off and and take the drugs. I was looking forward to the swelling going down, so I can enjoy the BBQ at my place on Saturday. (BTW, you're all invited.) I really expected my hand to feel better and look better, but no, that would be too much to ask.


Yes, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww......... I think the doctor's daginosis may be wrong. What do you think?

Looks like tomorrow I will be getting a second opinion.


NOT SO HAPPY HNT!

FYI, girls, sympathy pics will be gratefully appreciated. HINT, HINT.....


Monday, June 29, 2009

Want Olivia Munn's Autograph For Your Playboy?

Olivia Munn Playboy Cover Unveiling Behind-The-Scenes PhotosSo you've got your issue of Playboy featuring our co-host, Olivia Munn. Feel like something's missing in the picture? Perhaps her autograph?

You're in luck! If you want Ms. Munn to sign your copy of her Playboy issue, it's as easy as sending the magazine with a self-addressed and stamped envelope to:

Olivia’s Autograph
5850 W. 3rd St. #155
Los Angeles, CA 90036

Olivia will be signing the issues mailed to that address, so send yours in before it's too late!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not only is Olivia Munn hot, sexy and funny as hell, but she's also very generous, as this post shows you. She is also very friendly to her fans. A few months ago she invited anyone in the NY City area, to meet her at a particular movie theater and treated everyone that showed to popcorn and bottled water. After the movie she had a meet and greet, took pictures with anyone and everyone and signed autographs. You can bet no other celebrity has ever done that.

Oh ya, if your wondering who she is, she is co-host of The Attack of the Show. You can also check her out on her blog.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

RIP Farrah Fawcette

There's a Charlies Angels marathon on WGN tonight. It seems that bras weren't invented back then.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

WTF IS WITH THE WEATHER HNT?

I really want to get my back yard project done, but Mother Nature hasn't cooperated at all. We've had something like a bazillion days of rain this Spring.

"HEY MOTHER NATURE, ever hear of "April showers bring May flower?" Obviously not or you'd get my weather back to normal. It's supposed to be sunny and near 80F by now, but it barely reaches 70. Then there's the rain. WTF is it with the rain? Stop it already, k?

That said, this weeks weather has improved a bit. Not perfect, but good enough for the guys to work on my back yard project. Today they started the stucco. I was pleased, so had a drink to celebrate the progress. Any excuse for drink. LOL


HERE'S TO PROGRESS HNT!



Wednesday, June 17, 2009

BBQ HNT

There has been BIG changes since my last backyard resort update. Pretty soon the pool patio will be finished an I'll be drinking gin & tonics and BBQing on my new built in stainless steel grill. Who wants to come over?


Yes, the new grill is that big.

HAPPY BBQ HNT

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Bet Ya Didn't know I Used to Have Brown Hair Flash Back HNT

Today I was looking through some old photos and came across a couple taken when I worked at a company named RDI. I started reminising and decided to document a little about that period of my life, the years I worked there, 1984 to 2001.

In 1984, I left what I thought, was a dead end job to move on to a company with better benefits. Little did I know that that company would grow and in 20 years I would have been the Exec VP and now would be President and running the place. I don't have any regrets though, everything I've been through has made me the person I am today and I ain't complaining one bit.

After I left, I went to work for a company in Melville, NY, named Radiation Dynamics Inc. (RDI) as an engineering aide in Research & Development. Here I am in 1989 cleaning up after working on what would become a 5-million volt electron beam accelerator. Up until then, the largest we made was a 4.5 million-volt accelerator that wasn't efficient enough to produce cost effective x-rays. It took a year or so, but eventually we were successful in developing a machine that would be commercially viable. This prototype went to a facility in Japan for further testing. That facility was owned by Sumitomo Heavy Industries, the third owner of RDI in the five years I'd been there.

I worked in R&D for seven years before I was told to transfer to Quality Control or quit. I chose to move. It seems one of the field engineers threatened to quit if they didn't transfer him to R&D, so move I did. The last laugh was on them, because he proved to be a waste because he was a drunk. Since he was usually on the road, they had no idea his drinking problem was that bad.

A few years later we'd out grown that building and moved to Heartland Industrial Park in Dear Park NY, which was about 20 minutes closer to home. Here I am with the president of our company and two executives from the home office.

See, I did have brown hair once. It's got a lot of white in it, but you can still tell.

A few years later Sumitomo sold us to another company, Ion Beam Applications (IBA) one of our biggest competitors. Almost immediately they fired all of our executives replaced them with our own and got rid of our sales staff. That was around 1999. Needless to say, sales of systems went to zero and to this day, the company hasn't sold one multi dollar system, just upgrades and repairs. I don't think anything more than a $100k or two. Business got worse and worse until IBA started layoffs in 2001. I didn’t know it at the time, but fortunately, I was the first go. At its peak, RDI had 120 employees and today not even 20.

For me, it was all for the best. I moved on to a much better position at Ultravolt Inc., the company I retired from in 2006 and that supported me more than generously during my wife’s illness.
In 1984, I left what I thought, was a dead end job to move on to a company with better benefits. Little did I know that that company would grow and in 20 years I would have been the Exec VP and now would be President and running the place. I don't have any regrets though, everything I've been through has made me the person I am today and I ain't complaining one bit.

After I left, I went to work for a company in Melville, NY, named Radiation Dynamics Inc. (RDI) as an engineering aide in Research & Development. Here I am in 1989 cleaning up after working on what would become a 5-million volt electron beam accelerator. Up until then, the largest we made was a 4.5 million-volt accelerator that wasn't efficient enough to produce cost effective x-rays. It took a year or so, but eventually we were successful in developing a machine that would be commercially viable. This prototype went to a facility in Japan for further testing. That facility was owned by Sumitomo Heavy Industries, the third owner of RDI in the five years I'd been there.

I worked in R&D for seven years before I was told to transfer to Quality Control or quit. I chose to move. It seems one of the field engineers threatened to quit if they didn't transfer him to R&D, so move I did. The last laugh was on them, because he proved to be a waste because he was a drunk. Since he was usually on the road, they had no idea his drinking problem was that bad.

A few years later we'd out grown that building and moved to Heartland Industrial Park in Dear Park NY, which was about 20 minutes closer to home. Here I am with the President of our company and two executives from the home office.

A few years later Sumitomo sold us to another company, Ion Beam Applications (IBA) one of our biggest competitors. Almost immediately they fired all of our executives replaced them with our own and got rid of our sales staff. That was around 1999. Needless to say, sales of systems went to zero and to this day, the company hasn't sold one multi dollar system, just upgrades and repairs. I don't think anything more than a $100k or two. Business got worse and worse until IBA started layoffs in 2001. I didn’t know it at the time, but fortunately, I was the first go. At its peak, RDI had 120 employees and today not even 20.

For me, it was all for the best. I moved on to a much better position at Ultravolt Inc., the company I retired from in 2006 and that supported me more than generously during my wife’s illness.


HAPPY BROWN HAIRED GUY FLASH BACK HNT!


Sunday, June 07, 2009

I think I've lost all sense of dignity.

I did it again, I submitted a picture for TMZ's "Show Us Your Gut" contest, just for a chance to win $250. Hey I'm old and people expect me to do shit like this, so why not?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TMZ's Show Us Your Guts Contest -- Finalists!

Posted Jun 6th 2009 2:30AM by TMZ Staff

Big ones, small ones, hairy ones and ones made of steel -- the belly-busting photos poured in from all over the country for TMZ's Show Us Your Guts Contest ... hope you can stomach all the awesome abdomen!

** Be sure and check back on Monday to vote for which tummy takes the cake!**

Thursday, June 04, 2009

I'M A RADIO STAR!

Monday night Claudia Jordon posted a Tweet on Twitter, she's one of the most popular Deal or No Deal models. She said she wanted callers input on the question, "Does sex too early ruin the potential for a relationship??????"

Through personal experience, answer would be a resounding NO!!! I dialed her show, but got a bust signal. I wait a while dial again, and this time get through. The call screener tells me to hold on and he'll try to get me on the show.

While on hold, the show came on over the phone. Claudia does most of the talking with input by three other female co hosts and of course, the callers. Both men and women to talk about their personal experience using very descriptive verbiage. Cursing is fine on satellite radio I found out.

The screener came back on after about a 1/2 hour and said he'd try to get me on again. I quickly told him I was 60 and had an interesting story. Guess what, I guess they wanted the elderly perspective, because I was the next caller. LOL

I got on and talked about my first date with Lori. You old timers will remember I met her at 2:00 pm for the movies and didn't get her home until 5:30 am, a 15 1/2 hour first date.

Since I don't have Sirius radio, I couldn't hear what happened after they hung up. Fortunately, the next day Claudia posted a link to a web site where you could hear the hour of her show. I was on around the 50 minute mark. After they hung up, I became the topic of conversation.

They got a big kick out of me. They talked about a number of things, like the advantages to dating 60 yo guys and one girl said, "Maybe we are dating the wrong guys and should start dating 60 yo's."

I was a HIT!

For your listening pleasure, here are my 3-minutes & 18 seconds of fame.



After the show I see that Claudia is on Twitter, so I Twittered her, or is it Tweeted?

@claudiajordan I'm the last caller, the 60 yo guy. Fun talking to you. My girl friend laughed when I told her about this.

She replied with, and I quote, "claudiajordan@TonyChliek YOU were FREAKIN Awsome! We all hope u tune in and call us again!!!!"

Hey guys, Claudia thinks I'm FREAKIN Awesome! LOL

I told Lori all about it, briefly describing what I talked about. She wanted to know if I told them what lead up to the BJ. I told her no, but that would have really freaked them out if I did. Needless to say, up till then, that was my BEST date ever!


HAPPY RADIO STAR HNT!!!

FYI, Lori granted me permission to play this audio, because, as she put it, "I've showed your friends pictures of my tits, so why not?" Don't I have the best and most understanding girl friend EVER?



Thursday, May 28, 2009

OUTDOOR PROJECT UPDATE #5 HNT

Nicely is an adjective I haven't use very much the last year when it came to this project. There's been delay after delay after delay and it does this horn dog's heart good to see things progressing nicely since my last update, FINALLY!

Last week, when I left you, the retaining wall was up. This is the side of the old deck that faces the lower patio on the back of the garage. Every time I'd look down there I saw the old concrete slab and the garbage pails. I didn't want to do that anymore.

What to do, what to do?




I know! Build a wall.









On this side of the old deck, I looked down at the foundation and weed covered rocks.


What to do, what to do?









I know! Build another wall!









In the upper right corner here, was just going be a railing. That's so boring, don't you think?

What to do, what to do?






I know! What do you think this is going to be?













That's right, and outdoor shower!

This is mainly there so people can shower off the chlorine and not trapes through my house to shower off like they have been doing for years.





Now it's time to put all that dirt back.









Shovel it in and pack it down.









You know, you can finally get a good idea what this things is going to look like when it's done.








We decided to put accent lighting around the outside of the retaining wall. See the small electrical boxes?








The lights will shine up on the landscaping at night. Should look really cool.













After standing back and looking at the OLD vinyl siding, it got me to thinking. It's going to look crappy against the new pool patio.

What to do, what to do?







I know, rip it all off!





What's this? The old cedar shakes! I can't leave them, now can we?





What to do, what to do?







I know! Rip them off too!









Yes, even on the back of the garage.

You can't leave the bare sheathing, now can we?

What to do, what to do?





Of course! You cover it with plastic house wrap!

This looks like crap, so we have to cover it with something, don't we?

What to do, what to do?





I guess your just going to have to wait to find out. Hehehehe!










While your waiting, how about some of my home made Greek pizza?


HAPPY OUTDOOR PROJECT
UPDATE #5 HNT

Friday, May 22, 2009

My Outdoor Project is Going to Be Famous!

Techo-Bloc, the paver manufacturer, asked if they could take pictures of the project for their catalog and advertising when I'm done. I told the contractor, "Only if I can get a break on the price." He called me back yesterday to tell me they agreed and will give me $2,000 off. Now the stone will only cost me $8,200. Only??? Ya, right. Still, excellent news.

This is what I picked out.


The inspector came this morning to look at the retaining wall. He said he knocked on the door, but almost left when I didn't answer the door. RING THE FRIGGING DOOR BELL!!!!! THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE MADE FOR!!!!!

The owner of the company doing the work, Dennis, was in the back instructing the workman what he wanted done today when the inspector came. The whole inspection process is bull shit. They inspector barely checks anything and both time, only in one spot, the same spot. How does he know that the rest of the work is to code if he doesn't at least walk around the project. He also questioned how close the wall is to the property line. NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO ASK THAT QUESTION! BESIDES, I ALREADY WENT OVER THAT WITH YOU ON YOUR FIRST TRIP! I gave him another copy of the survey to comfort him. HE DUDE! THERE ARE MULTIPLE COPIES IN MY FILE. DID YOU THINK TO LOOK THERE? Anyway, he gave the approval to proceed.