Saturday, August 06, 2005

My AC Broke Part 8

I finally got my AC. It's not the central air I was talking about, but it's still air conditioning. This is the baby I got yesterday. Isn't it the most beautiful thing you ever saw? Shipped all the way from Brooklyn via UPS, for the paltry sum of $294 plus tax and free shipping.

Sharp AF-S100EX Review

Sharp AF-S100EX Sharp's expanded line of Energy Star® air conditioners provides cool comfort all summer long. Sharp�s air conditioners not only exceed federal efficiency standards, they exceed design standards as well. Sleek and stylish, they will fit into your home design beautifully. Saving you energy and enhancing your decor, Sharp�s air conditioner line is too cool to pass up.

Features of the Sharp AF-S100EX include:

  • Energy Star® Efficiency - Save money, save energy, and help preserve the environment! Sharp's Energy Star® qualified products exceed the existing federal efficiency standards for air conditioners by at least 10 percent which qualifies them to bear the Environmental Protection Agency's Energy Star® logo for energy efficiency.
  • Library Quiet™ - Sharp air conditioners provide comfort without the added noise often associated with room air conditioners. Sharp delivers cool, quiet comfort.
  • Rest Easy™ Remote - enables you to simply turn the unit on or off, adjust the temperature, change the fan speed, or set the delay timer with the touch of a button.
  • Comfort Touch™ Controls - Convenience is standard with Sharp's user-friendly Comfort Touch controls. With a 12-hour timer delay on/off feature and one-degree temperature control, there's no more temperature guessing. Simply set the controls and forget about it!
  • Washable One-Touch Filter - for easy removal and cleaning.
  • 4-Way Air Direction - lets you direct the cool air where you want it most.
  • Energy Saver Mode - When Energy Saver is selected, the thermostat automatically controls cooling and the fan automatically stops when the compressor is not operating.

I couldn’t wait to get it installed so as soon as I said hello to Barbara and her sister who just came over to visit, I was off and running. But first, I was off and running to the kitchen for a nice cold gin and tonic. You know, it’s a proven medical fact that you must drink lots of fluids when sweating a lot, by doing hard work, and in the medical journal I have, it says gin and tonic is an acceptable method for replenishing fluids and the minerals lost by sweating.

Now, as a public service, I am providing step-by-step instructions for installing a Sharp AF-S100EX. I think this will be helpful to you, because the instruction manual leaves out so many steps, at least many of extra steps I took.

1. Take AC out of the box and put it on the dining room table.
2. Read the directions that tell you have to take the chassis out of the cabinet.
3. Remove 6 screws, take off the front panel with the filter and attempt taking the chassis out.
4. No luck. Put AC back on the floor.
5. Remove chassis from cabinet by tugging, pulling, lifting, tugging, yanking, lifting and pulling some more.
6. Put cabinet on dining room table.
7. Install rail on the top of cabinet and try to install the right and left closure assemblies.
8. Next remove the rail installed in step 7 and turn it around because it was put on backwards.
9. Install the right and left closure assemblies and attach to cabinet using 6 small screws.
10. Install cabinet assembly in dining room window.
11. Slide open right and left closure to take up open space on either side of AC in the window.
12. Remove cabinet assembly install in step 10, and put it back on dining room table, because you forgot to install the window sash foam seal (adhesive type) to underside of window sash that they instructed on the first page of the installation instructions.
13. Go to kitchen and get some paper towels and spray cleaner on paper towels.
14. Clean sash on underside of window.
15. Install the window sash foam seal (adhesive type) to underside of window sash.
16. Go into kitchen and get scissors.
17. Cut off the excess window sash foam seal (adhesive type).
18. Repeat steps 10 and 11.
19. Go out to the garage and look for some wood scraps to fill space between the bottom channel and sill.
20. Take the only two pieces you can find back inside and hope they fill the space. Wow, they do.
21. Go into den and discover rechargeable drill is dead because it was put in charger backwards last time it was used.
22. Go down to the basement and search in vain for electric drill.
23. Go back to den and get hammer. Note: if you don’t have a drill, to drill pilot holes for screws, a hammer is an acceptable substitute to beat the suckers home if you can’t get them in using just a screwdriver.
24. Secure cabinet to space filler wood scraps with two screws, using screwdriver and hammer.
25. Forget securing the top angle and closure assemblies to window sash because the window is plastic and you’d only break it without drilling pilot hole. Note: I put the screwdriver I mentioned in the charger correctly in step 19 and will install the said screws today, maybe.
26. Slide chassis into cabinet.
27. Replace front panel and secure with four screws removed in step 2.
28. Now check to see if the power cord reaches the outlet, which now looks so darn far away. Wow, it just makes it.
29. Hurriedly turn on the AC and stand in front letting the quickly cooling air wash over your sweat drenched face.
30. Walk over and get your glass of gin and tonic and stand back in front of the AC and let the now cold air wash over your now not so sweat drenched face. Note: To save space, I left out the many times I refilled my glass with gin and tonic during the installation process.
31. Cut the window sash foam seal (non adhesive type) to length and seal the opening between the top window sash and outside window sash.
32. Leave mess scattered all over the living room and dining room to be cleaned up tonight by Brain when he gets home.
33. Promise to read the rest of the directions, also some other day.
34. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done and rejoice in knowing you will now be able to stop sweating profusely when you masturbate to the porno on the Spice channel and Playboy channel on the TV in the living room.


HS said...

heehee! I live in the basement of my families bar so heat is never a problem for me...must be nice after all that work to finally sit in cool comfort! :)

BTExpress said...

It really does feel great. Sitting in my recliner, with my feet propped up, a cold glass of gin & tonic on the stand next to me and flicking between my two favorite channels. Nice feeling.

Hippigirl said...

Still can't stop laughing.

Foxglove said...

You HAVE to have a home improvement show! It'd be so much better than the tripe that TLC and Discovery try to shove down our throats 24/7. Oh and HGTV. I would totally tune in every week to watch you hit things with hammer and get bleeped out. One devoted viewer right here, BTE!

BTExpress said...

I'd love to. Have any connections?

No seriously. My methods may not be the way Bob Vila would do it, more like Tim the Toolman, but it gets the job done.

And you know what? I still haven't put in the rest of the screws or read the rest of the instructions.

And you know why? Because the frigging thing works and cools the house just fine.

And you know what else? I can watch my two favorite channels without sweating like a pig anymore.

And you know what else, else? As far as I'm concerned, as long as it stays in the window until the cold weather sets in, I'll be happy. Then if it falls out into the driveway because I left out the screws, it will save me the trouble of taking it out of the winow for the winter.

That doesn't make me a bad person, now does it?

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