So Like Yesterday Was My Son's Birthday

Like Brian turned 25. So like I asked him, like what he wanted for his birthday and he like says, that he like wants to have some work like done on his wheels. So like I asked him, like what did he need done. And he like says, a lot of stuff. Like a suspension and like brakes and like oh ya, like some 95 year old dude backed into my car at work, so like I need a new rear bumper. And dude, he was like really 95. So like did you get his info and shit? Like ya man, I know my shit. So I says like call the insurance company and rat this old guy out. Man, like he should pay for the repairs. So like Brian says that, like no way that will do any good. Like this guy drove a piece of shit set of wheels, so like what good would that do? I give up, like wtf are you gonna do with kids? Oh well, so I like say that he should call the Toyota dealer and make like an appointment for like his next day off to get some shit done to his wheels and then he says like dude, I don't want no stock suspension, like I want an adjustable one. So like I says, man, I ain't paying for that shit. So he says. Okay, I'll get the stock one then. Anyways, I can't wrap a suspension for a birthday present, so like I have to think of some kind of shit to get him to like open on his actual fucking birthday, right? So like the before yesterday, I go up to the 50% Off Card store and like get a card and like a bizillion Lotto scratch offs. They cost me like $58.00. Wooo, that's a lot of money dude! But he's my blood I think, right? So like I buy them and like gave them to hime yesterday with like his birthday card. So he like scratches off like the row of like numbers he has to match to like win some bread. Then like he scratches off the first box and like wins a fucking $100.00. Ya dude, I didn't like studder or nothing. Like clean out your ears man. So he like wins like a fucking $100.00. Like then he scratches off some more on that same card and like wins another fucking $100.00. WTF? So like he scratches off the rest of like that card and like gets wins more bread! Now I think I'm like having a flash back to my like bachelor party weekend, when I like got so fucking stoned I wanted to like die, but I didn't die. No man, I didn't die. So like the mofo won like $300.00 fucking dollars due on like that one fucking card. Now is that like cool or what? Like then he scratches off like all the silver shit on the rest of the cards and like wins another $10.00. Like this son dude won like $310.00 fucking dollars dudes and dudettes! Is that cool or what? Peace man, now don't boggie the dube man.

So Like Yesterday Was My Son's Birthday

Like Brian turned 25. So like I asked him, like what he wanted for his birthday and he like says, that he like wants to have some work like done on his wheels. So like I asked him, like what did he need done. And he like says, a lot of stuff. Like a suspension and like brakes and like oh ya, like some 95 year old dude backed into my car at work, so like I need a new rear bumper. And dude, he was like really 95. So like did you get his info and shit? Like ya man, I know my shit. So I says like call the insurance company and rat this old guy out. Man, like he should pay for the repairs. So like Brian says that, like no way that will do any good. Like this guy drove a piece of shit set of wheels, so like what good would that do? I give up, like wtf are you gonna do with kids? Oh well, so I like say that he should call the Toyota dealer and make like an appointment for like his next day off to get some shit done to his wheels and then he says like dude, I don't want no stock suspension, like I want an adjustable one. So like I says, man, I ain't paying for that shit. So he says. Okay, I'll get the stock one then. Anyways, I can't wrap a suspension for a birthday present, so like I have to think of some kind of shit to get him to like open on his actual fucking birthday, right? So like the before yesterday, I go up to the 50% Off Card store and like get a card and like a bizillion Lotto scratch offs. They cost me like $58.00. Wooo, that's a lot of money dude! But he's my blood I think, right? So like I buy them and like gave them to hime yesterday with like his birthday card. So he like scratches off like the row of like numbers he has to match to like win some bread. Then like he scratches off the first box and like wins a fucking $100.00. Ya dude, I didn't like studder or nothing. Like clean out your ears man. So he like wins like a fucking $100.00. Like then he scratches off some more on that same card and like wins another fucking $100.00. WTF? So like he scratches off the rest of like that card and like gets wins more bread! Now I think I'm like having a flash back to my like bachelor party weekend, when I like got so fucking stoned I wanted to like die, but I didn't die. No man, I didn't die. So like the mofo won like $300.00 fucking dollars due on like that one fucking card. Now is that like cool or what? Like then he scratches off like all the silver shit on the rest of the cards and like wins another $10.00. Like this son dude won like $310.00 fucking dollars dudes and dudettes! Is that cool or what? Peace man, now don't boggie the dube man.

Crotch Shots HNT

Knowing Lori as I do, I wasn't surprised when I came across these photos of me that she took out of the over 300 she took last weekend during our trip to Dallas for Os's birthday party weekend.

I know which photo I like best, but what about you?

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday partner!

Go wish the big guy a belated Happy Birthday and tell him I sent ya!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If y'all missed the first few installments of the story about Lori and my trip to Dallas, start here and catch up. And come back for the next installment about our trip to the strip club. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Crotch Shots HNT

Knowing Lori as I do, I wasn't surprised when I came across these photos of me that she took out of the over 300 she took last weekend during our trip to Dallas for Os's birthday party weekend.

I know which photo I like best, but what about you?

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday partner!

Go wish the big guy a belated Happy Birthday and tell him I sent ya!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If y'all missed the first few installments of the story about Lori and my trip to Dallas, start here and catch up. And come back for the next installment about our trip to the strip club. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Os' Birthday Weekend Day 2, Part 1

Lori and I woke up rather late in the day on Saturday, sometime after noon. I wasn't surprised due to all the alcohol consumed and the debauchery that went on so late the night before. I felt surprisingly well, but Lori was a bit under the weather. Not all that bad though considering all the gin & tonics, Yager and tequila shot the Texas gals "made" her drink.

FYI, there is a rumor going around that some of the Texas gals wanted to get Lori drunk. you know who you are and I want to thank you And that Lori willingly obliged. I heard about this one incidence of when Lori got back inside after talking to No One's hubby, that someone told her she missed a couple of rounds of shots. Not true! Liar, liar, pants on fire! Lori being as obliging as she is, agreed to down two shots, one after the other so she could catch up and not make the Texas gals feel bad. My guess is that's was one of the things that enticed Lori to get involved in the CENSORED and the CENSORED. I can't forget the CENSORED. Note: Sorry I can't go into detail about the "CENSORED and the CENSORED. I can't forget the CENSORED", but we all took an oath that "What Happens in Texas, stays in Texas."

Damn, am I digressing again? Sorry................................

Once Lori and I finished snuggling, we got up to go out and get something to eat. I also had to buy more gin & tonic as we damn near polished off the 1.75 liter bottle I imported from New York the night before. We shit, showered and shaved, got dressed and headed off to fine a liquor store and food.

I checked the GPS for a liquor store. It gave me directions to one just 2.8 miles northeast of us. Cool! So that's were we went. On the way, Lori saw a burger joint that she wanted to eat breakfast/lunch at. We stopped there on the way back.

'Old Fashioned Hamburgers!'







It really looked like a place we'd get official old fashioned burgers. Check out the decor.



Check out the sexy, good looking guy over there. Looks like a real stud muffin to me.


Anyway........... We ordered the burger special; an old fashioned burger made with "Black Angus award winning meat, with fries and a drink for just $6.95. Seemed like a good price, so we each ordered one.

We also got to indulge in the massive fixens bar, so what else could we want, right?

Okay, the fixens bar wasn't as massive as it first looked, but it had everything we wanted, especially the raw onions. We also loaded up on the pickles. We both just love pickles and onions!

But doesn't everyone?

The burger was pretty ordinary, much like any burger I've had at many a chain restaurant, but still pretty good. We finished our breakfast/lunch and headed back to the hotel to get ready for a second big night out in Dallas!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stay tuned for the next installment of 'Os' Birthday Weekend' in Dallas, Texas!

Os' Birthday Weekend Day 2, Part 1

Lori and I woke up rather late in the day on Saturday, sometime after noon. I wasn't surprised due to all the alcohol consumed and the debauchery that went on so late the night before. I felt surprisingly well, but Lori was a bit under the weather. Not all that bad though considering all the gin & tonics, Yager and tequila shot the Texas gals "made" her drink.

FYI, there is a rumor going around that some of the Texas gals wanted to get Lori drunk. you know who you are and I want to thank you And that Lori willingly obliged. I heard about this one incidence of when Lori got back inside after talking to No One's hubby, that someone told her she missed a couple of rounds of shots. Not true! Liar, liar, pants on fire! Lori being as obliging as she is, agreed to down two shots, one after the other so she could catch up and not make the Texas gals feel bad. My guess is that's was one of the things that enticed Lori to get involved in the CENSORED and the CENSORED. I can't forget the CENSORED. Note: Sorry I can't go into detail about the "CENSORED and the CENSORED. I can't forget the CENSORED", but we all took an oath that "What Happens in Texas, stays in Texas."

Damn, am I digressing again? Sorry................................

Once Lori and I finished snuggling, we got up to go out and get something to eat. I also had to buy more gin & tonic as we damn near polished off the 1.75 liter bottle I imported from New York the night before. We shit, showered and shaved, got dressed and headed off to fine a liquor store and food.

I checked the GPS for a liquor store. It gave me directions to one just 2.8 miles northeast of us. Cool! So that's were we went. On the way, Lori saw a burger joint that she wanted to eat breakfast/lunch at. We stopped there on the way back.

'Old Fashioned Hamburgers!'







It really looked like a place we'd get official old fashioned burgers. Check out the decor.



Check out the sexy, good looking guy over there. Looks like a real stud muffin to me.


Anyway........... We ordered the burger special; an old fashioned burger made with "Black Angus award winning meat, with fries and a drink for just $6.95. Seemed like a good price, so we each ordered one.

We also got to indulge in the massive fixens bar, so what else could we want, right?

Okay, the fixens bar wasn't as massive as it first looked, but it had everything we wanted, especially the raw onions. We also loaded up on the pickles. We both just love pickles and onions!

But doesn't everyone?

The burger was pretty ordinary, much like any burger I've had at many a chain restaurant, but still pretty good. We finished our breakfast/lunch and headed back to the hotel to get ready for a second big night out in Dallas!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stay tuned for the next installment of 'Os' Birthday Weekend' in Dallas, Texas!

Os' Birthday Weekend Day 1 - Part 4

MAN, THE PARTY AT SHUMPY'S WAS THE BEST PARTY I'VE EVER BEEN TO! HANDS DOWN, THE BEST EVER!!!!!!

Everyone I met in Dallas was so nice and friendly and more fun than a barrel of drunken monkeys. Thank you everyone for making this a party I will never forget!

Note: if you want read what brings us to this point, check out the first three posts here and here and here. I promise, you won't regret it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Around 2:30 AM, people started to leave Shumpy's a little at a time, couple by couple, some even sneaked out with saying good bye. :-(

Bragging Note: I have to pause here and let everyone know, that Lori and I were not the first to leave. Even though we were the oldest ones there, me a young 58 and her a younger 52, we stayed to the very end and would have hung around longer if the kids's hadn't pooped out! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soon there were just a few of us were left, so the clean up began. Lori helped a lot and even washed the dishes. I didn't do shit I know Shumpy really appreciated the place being cleaned up and not left to him to do.

I set my GPS for the hotel and slowly drove off wishing that this night had never ended. Lori soon feel asleep, but that was okay, she was worn out from all the drinking and the CENSORED and the CENSORED. I can't forget the CENSORED. Who's kidding who? I'll never for get that!

We got back to the hotel about 4:00 AM and went up to the room to get some much needed rest.

Then guess what happened? Go ahead and guess..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No, there wasn't anyone lying on the bed. Guess again. I'll wait.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yep, you guessed it. The fucking room keys didn't work! It was 4 a-mother-fucking o'clock in the morning and we were locked out of the fucking room!

We went back down stairs to the lobby to see if we could find anyone from the hotel. The front desk was closed with a sliding screen. I got on the phone and dialed 'O'. We could hear the phone ringing unanswered behind the screen.

Now what do we do? Sleep in the hall? I suppose if we really got stuck, Tara or Os would have let us crash in their room for the night, but that wasn't necessary as someone from the hotel came in from the parking lot. My guess is that either he was sleeping in his car or doing the nasty with some one.

He opened the office and checked to verify who we were and what room we were in. I told him room 224. He checked the records, but told us that we were in the wrong room. We were assigned to room 218.

Now it all made sense! We were given the wrong room when we checked in. The desk clerk gave us room 216 instead of 218! No wonder there was a guy laying on the bed when we walked in to 216! What a bunch of assholes!

The guy reprogrammed our key cards for 224 and fixed the records. We went back up the room and this time the keys cards worked. I opened the door and Lori rushed in. She stripped off her clothes and was in bed before I finished peeing. Guess she really was beat from all the drinking and the CENSORED and the CENSORED. I can't forget the CENSORED.

Lori was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. I got undressed and joined her and was soon fast asleep myself. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz................................

Os' Birthday Weekend Day 1 - Part 4

MAN, THE PARTY AT SHUMPY'S WAS THE BEST PARTY I'VE EVER BEEN TO! HANDS DOWN, THE BEST EVER!!!!!!

Everyone I met in Dallas was so nice and friendly and more fun than a barrel of drunken monkeys. Thank you everyone for making this a party I will never forget!

Note: if you want read what brings us to this point, check out the first three posts here and here and here. I promise, you won't regret it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Around 2:30 AM, people started to leave Shumpy's a little at a time, couple by couple, some even sneaked out with saying good bye. :-(

Bragging Note: I have to pause here and let everyone know, that Lori and I were not the first to leave. Even though we were the oldest ones there, me a young 58 and her a younger 52, we stayed to the very end and would have hung around longer if the kids's hadn't pooped out! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soon there were just a few of us were left, so the clean up began. Lori helped a lot and even washed the dishes. I didn't do shit I know Shumpy really appreciated the place being cleaned up and not left to him to do.

I set my GPS for the hotel and slowly drove off wishing that this night had never ended. Lori soon feel asleep, but that was okay, she was worn out from all the drinking and the CENSORED and the CENSORED. I can't forget the CENSORED. Who's kidding who? I'll never for get that!

We got back to the hotel about 4:00 AM and went up to the room to get some much needed rest.

Then guess what happened? Go ahead and guess..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
No, there wasn't anyone lying on the bed. Guess again. I'll wait.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yep, you guessed it. The fucking room keys didn't work! It was 4 a-mother-fucking o'clock in the morning and we were locked out of the fucking room!

We went back down stairs to the lobby to see if we could find anyone from the hotel. The front desk was closed with a sliding screen. I got on the phone and dialed 'O'. We could hear the phone ringing unanswered behind the screen.

Now what do we do? Sleep in the hall? I suppose if we really got stuck, Tara or Os would have let us crash in their room for the night, but that wasn't necessary as someone from the hotel came in from the parking lot. My guess is that either he was sleeping in his car or doing the nasty with some one.

He opened the office and checked to verify who we were and what room we were in. I told him room 224. He checked the records, but told us that we were in the wrong room. We were assigned to room 218.

Now it all made sense! We were given the wrong room when we checked in. The desk clerk gave us room 216 instead of 218! No wonder there was a guy laying on the bed when we walked in to 216! What a bunch of assholes!

The guy reprogrammed our key cards for 224 and fixed the records. We went back up the room and this time the keys cards worked. I opened the door and Lori rushed in. She stripped off her clothes and was in bed before I finished peeing. Guess she really was beat from all the drinking and the CENSORED and the CENSORED. I can't forget the CENSORED.

Lori was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. I got undressed and joined her and was soon fast asleep myself. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz................................

Os' Birthday Weekend Day 1 - Part 3

Note: For the first two installments of this series, look here for part one and here for part two.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While I was looking through the closet for the clothes I wanted to wear Friday night, I heard a weather alert come on the television. A severe storm was moving into the Dallas-Fort Worth area from the west. They warned that a tornado was imminent and to be ready to take shelter as the storm approaches your area.

Yes, we were the path of a tornado!

I've survived countless hurricanes in my lifetime and even an earth quake when I was in San Francisco years ago, but a tornado was a first for me. (Okay, I slept through the earth quake, but they told me there was one.)

By now Lori had finished showering and we watched the TV together trying to figure out if we would die on our first night in Dallas. A reporter directly in the tornado's path was huddled with her crew in a ditch. The debris circling in the air above them, indicated the tornado was passing very close to them. Then the transmission was lost. Soon though, they reported they were okay and had been in contact with them, probably by cell phone.

The storm front was a fast moving, and looked like it was going to pass north of Dallas. I started to feel comfortable until the wind picked up dramatically and the hail started hitting our window.
The hail at hitting the hotel was about 1/2 inch in diameter, but the TV station was being hit with hail the size of golf balls.

I really wasn't too sure how to get to Shumpy's house for the party, so I called No One on her cell phone. They had the same directions as I did, so she couldn't really help. Besides, it seems that she and her hubby were preoccupied with the storm passing over head. They were camped out under an overpassed to avoid the hail damaging their truck.

When the storm passed them, they were further delayed getting to the party, because they were kind enough to pulled five cars stuck in the mud. Luckily they had a four-wheel drive truck or would have been stuck too.

The storm quickly passed and Lori and I headed for Shumpy's. Again I was very happy to have had my GPS. Last November when Lori and I were in San Diego, I rented a GPS with the car. Getting around was so simple with it. One night we were in the city of San Diego and Lori wanted Vietnamese food. I checked the GPS and found out there were none in the area, but there was a Thai restaurant less than a mile away. So I pressed the button and it gave me the directions. After dinner, I pressed a few buttons again, and was directed right back to the hotel. I'll never travel without on again. Sorry, I'm digressing.

Lori and I were the first to arrive at the party, about two hours late. When we drove by Shumpy's, we saw him was standing in the garage waiting for everyone to show. I'm sure he knew we would all be late due to the storm, but I'm sure was still wondering where we all were.

He invited Lori and I in and gave us a tour of his place. Then we hung out in the kitchen, made a couple of drinks and waited for the rest of his guests to arrive. One by one, everyone showed up. The last to arrive was the Os party, but fashionably late.

Shumpy had the burgers, hot dogs and chips, and No One brought lots of other goodies. She even baked cookies. I'm not a desert person, so didn't try the cookies, but they sure looked good.

No One's hubby volunteered to do the cooking.




No One even found plates that matched the old Os shirt, may it rest in peace.



This just some of what No One brought along and set up for the party.







No One brought along her pink Stetson, which lots of people just had to try on.


Here's Lori wearing it.


Those two chicks make hot looking cowgirls, don't you think?

Here are a few G-rated pictures with me in it from the party.



But once the shots of tequila and Jagermeister started flowing..................










...........................and Shumpy brought out the jello shots, which went very quickly.










Things started to, shall we say, pick up a bit.



Lori and Tara seemed to have taken a shine to each other.



Os and I even join in on the fun.

Sorry, but that's about all the pictures I can show you from that night. I have a lot more, but we all took an oath, that.........

Os' Birthday Weekend Day 1 - Part 3

Note: For the first two installments of this series, look here for part one and here for part two.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While I was looking through the closet for the clothes I wanted to wear Friday night, I heard a weather alert come on the television. A severe storm was moving into the Dallas-Fort Worth area from the west. They warned that a tornado was imminent and to be ready to take shelter as the storm approaches your area.

Yes, we were the path of a tornado!

I've survived countless hurricanes in my lifetime and even an earth quake when I was in San Francisco years ago, but a tornado was a first for me. (Okay, I slept through the earth quake, but they told me there was one.)

By now Lori had finished showering and we watched the TV together trying to figure out if we would die on our first night in Dallas. A reporter directly in the tornado's path was huddled with her crew in a ditch. The debris circling in the air above them, indicated the tornado was passing very close to them. Then the transmission was lost. Soon though, they reported they were okay and had been in contact with them, probably by cell phone.

The storm front was a fast moving, and looked like it was going to pass north of Dallas. I started to feel comfortable until the wind picked up dramatically and the hail started hitting our window.
The hail at hitting the hotel was about 1/2 inch in diameter, but the TV station was being hit with hail the size of golf balls.

I really wasn't too sure how to get to Shumpy's house for the party, so I called No One on her cell phone. They had the same directions as I did, so she couldn't really help. Besides, it seems that she and her hubby were preoccupied with the storm passing over head. They were camped out under an overpassed to avoid the hail damaging their truck.

When the storm passed them, they were further delayed getting to the party, because they were kind enough to pulled five cars stuck in the mud. Luckily they had a four-wheel drive truck or would have been stuck too.

The storm quickly passed and Lori and I headed for Shumpy's. Again I was very happy to have had my GPS. Last November when Lori and I were in San Diego, I rented a GPS with the car. Getting around was so simple with it. One night we were in the city of San Diego and Lori wanted Vietnamese food. I checked the GPS and found out there were none in the area, but there was a Thai restaurant less than a mile away. So I pressed the button and it gave me the directions. After dinner, I pressed a few buttons again, and was directed right back to the hotel. I'll never travel without on again. Sorry, I'm digressing.

Lori and I were the first to arrive at the party, about two hours late. When we drove by Shumpy's, we saw him was standing in the garage waiting for everyone to show. I'm sure he knew we would all be late due to the storm, but I'm sure was still wondering where we all were.

He invited Lori and I in and gave us a tour of his place. Then we hung out in the kitchen, made a couple of drinks and waited for the rest of his guests to arrive. One by one, everyone showed up. The last to arrive was the Os party, but fashionably late.

Shumpy had the burgers, hot dogs and chips, and No One brought lots of other goodies. She even baked cookies. I'm not a desert person, so didn't try the cookies, but they sure looked good.

No One's hubby volunteered to do the cooking.




No One even found plates that matched the old Os shirt, may it rest in peace.



This just some of what No One brought along and set up for the party.







No One brought along her pink Stetson, which lots of people just had to try on.


Here's Lori wearing it.


Those two chicks make hot looking cowgirls, don't you think?

Here are a few G-rated pictures with me in it from the party.



But once the shots of tequila and Jagermeister started flowing..................










...........................and Shumpy brought out the jello shots, which went very quickly.










Things started to, shall we say, pick up a bit.



Lori and Tara seemed to have taken a shine to each other.



Os and I even join in on the fun.

Sorry, but that's about all the pictures I can show you from that night. I have a lot more, but we all took an oath, that.........