I had to make a very tough decision this morning...

..., I'm going to sell my boat. It's the one in the picture at the top of my blog.

It's not like I want to or anything, but I haven't used it since October 2002. That's the month I had it hauled and put up on blocks, for what I expected was just going to be for the winter.

In the spring of 2003, I spent quite a bit of time working on it to get ready to put back in the water in time for Memorial Day weekend. That's the Unofficial start of summer up here in New York. I had it already to go the week before and had the launch scheduled for Tuesday, May 28th. But it wasn't to be. The day before, May 27th was the day my wife was diagnosed with malignant brain cancer.

I called the marina and canceled the launch. BT Express has sat up on blocks ever since.

I received a letter from the marina a few months ago asking me to contact them and let them know what I was going to do with the boat, but I didn't call. I just didn't want to make the decision I knew I had to make.

Then this morning the marina called.

"Hello?" (I recognized Deb's voice as soon as she said hello, even though I hadn't heard her talk in about a year. My heart dropped.)

"Hi, this is Deb from Leeward Cove. Is this Tony?"

"Speaking."

"We need to know what your going to do with the boat. You going to put it in the water, sell it or abandon it?. What are you going to do?"

Well, that was the question I had been dreading for about 1 1/2 years. It's been about that long since we all knew Barbara wouldn't be able to get on the boat anymore. I don't want to use it anymore if she can't be with me.

I told Deb Barbara's was under the care of hospice and I hadn't been thinking about the boat very much. That's really isn't true. I've thought about it a lot ever since the cold weather left us in the spring. Each year since we've had the boat, we bought it in 1994, that's when I started getting her ready to put it back in the water.

"I'm sorry Tony."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

"But I need to know what your going to do."

"I guess I'll have to sell it."

"We have a broker that does work for us here. Would you like me to contact him or are you going to sell it on your own?"

Now I there's no way I can take the time to sell it on my own. I have nobody to stay with Barbara on short notice if I had to go show it to someone.

"Sure, contact him." (My heart sank a little further.)

"Okay, his name is (I missed it). I'll call him and have him contact you."

"That will be fine."

"I'm sorry it has to be like this."

"I know Deb, thanks."

"My prayers are with you both. Take care of yourself."

"Thanks, I will."

I said good bye and hung up the phone. Now I wait for the call from the broker or if you know anyone interested in buying a 39 foot, 1986 Sea Ray Express Cruiser, let me know.