LONG ISLAND

I've lived on Long Island for over 47 years and can relate to everyone of these. If you ever lived there, you can relate, If not, then I guess most of this won't make sense at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you almost never go there.

When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't.

You think if you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York.

You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.

You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "The City".

You never realize you have an accent till you leave.

Everything north of the Bronx is "upstate." New Jersey sucks.

At some point in your life you've gone clamming.

Either your parents or your grandparents lived in the city.

You'd pay $11.50 for a movie.

You don't live in Long Island. You live ON Long Island.

Your distant future might involve the state of Florida.

You can correctly pronounce places like Ronkonkoma, Hauppauge, Wantagh, Mineola, Islandia, and Massapequa.

You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.

You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."

You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.

No, you don't want mustard on that burger!!

You can't understand why a diner would ever close.

You've had a seagull crap on your car.

You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville.

You went to an elementary school that promoted dodge ball as the number 1 game among children 7-13.

You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks but you periodically "Get the Crave".

You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan.

You think that somehow, the Jets and giants still play in New York.

You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.

You or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.

Quick! Who's your county Executive? Don't know do you?

You've never taken an MTA bus.

The Long Island Expressway isn't really as bad as everybody thinks.

You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.

You know which parts of the godfather were filmed on Long Island.

You've paid a $10 cover charge to get in to a bar, but got nothing for it.

You miss wiffle ball and running through sprinklers.

You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.

Billy Joel said it best, "either you date a rich girl from The North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore ".

You don't really see the big deal about the Hamptons, unless you got smashed at the Bordy Barn.

When people ask, "where are you from?" you answer Lawn Guy Land and automatically assume everyone in the world knows that answer means New York.

You've always liked Billy Joel and you own several of his "records."

The Belt Parkway sucks! You've been stuck in a traffic jam for more than 2 hours (without moving).

Your parents took you to All American, Nathan's or Carvel (on the way home from the beach).

Regular gas - $3.29 and you still pay it!!!

You hate paying tolls.

You don't have to go far to see your family.

You remember Grumman.

You've gotten drunk on the bleachers of some high school.

You know the color of the water at Jones Beach is not BLUE!

You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy's and Arby's closed for good.

You can spout off all the LIRR stops between Penn Station and Ronkonkoma.

Paying $35 for a haircut doesn't sound so crazy.

You think the people from Brooklyn are "da wunz dat tawk wit a accent."

You went sledding in the sumps. You've partied on a golf course in the middle of the night.

You knew of Massapequa before the Amy Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco nightmare.

You think going to Queens is a hike.

The first time you heard the term "Long Island Iced Tea" you were somewhere else and you laughed.

When you live somewhere else and are astounded to see that people actually stop at yellow lights.

When you just sort of presume that wherever you live, you'll be able to find good delis, good pizza, and good bagels.

You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island.

When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands...it becomes normal to you.

No word ends in an ER, just an AH.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island.

LONG ISLAND

I've lived on Long Island for over 47 years and can relate to everyone of these. If you ever lived there, you can relate, If not, then I guess most of this won't make sense at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you almost never go there.

When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't.

You think if you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York.

You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.

You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "The City".

You never realize you have an accent till you leave.

Everything north of the Bronx is "upstate." New Jersey sucks.

At some point in your life you've gone clamming.

Either your parents or your grandparents lived in the city.

You'd pay $11.50 for a movie.

You don't live in Long Island. You live ON Long Island.

Your distant future might involve the state of Florida.

You can correctly pronounce places like Ronkonkoma, Hauppauge, Wantagh, Mineola, Islandia, and Massapequa.

You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.

You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."

You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.

No, you don't want mustard on that burger!!

You can't understand why a diner would ever close.

You've had a seagull crap on your car.

You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville.

You went to an elementary school that promoted dodge ball as the number 1 game among children 7-13.

You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks but you periodically "Get the Crave".

You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan.

You think that somehow, the Jets and giants still play in New York.

You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.

You or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.

Quick! Who's your county Executive? Don't know do you?

You've never taken an MTA bus.

The Long Island Expressway isn't really as bad as everybody thinks.

You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.

You know which parts of the godfather were filmed on Long Island.

You've paid a $10 cover charge to get in to a bar, but got nothing for it.

You miss wiffle ball and running through sprinklers.

You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.

Billy Joel said it best, "either you date a rich girl from The North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore ".

You don't really see the big deal about the Hamptons, unless you got smashed at the Bordy Barn.

When people ask, "where are you from?" you answer Lawn Guy Land and automatically assume everyone in the world knows that answer means New York.

You've always liked Billy Joel and you own several of his "records."

The Belt Parkway sucks! You've been stuck in a traffic jam for more than 2 hours (without moving).

Your parents took you to All American, Nathan's or Carvel (on the way home from the beach).

Regular gas - $3.29 and you still pay it!!!

You hate paying tolls.

You don't have to go far to see your family.

You remember Grumman.

You've gotten drunk on the bleachers of some high school.

You know the color of the water at Jones Beach is not BLUE!

You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy's and Arby's closed for good.

You can spout off all the LIRR stops between Penn Station and Ronkonkoma.

Paying $35 for a haircut doesn't sound so crazy.

You think the people from Brooklyn are "da wunz dat tawk wit a accent."

You went sledding in the sumps. You've partied on a golf course in the middle of the night.

You knew of Massapequa before the Amy Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco nightmare.

You think going to Queens is a hike.

The first time you heard the term "Long Island Iced Tea" you were somewhere else and you laughed.

When you live somewhere else and are astounded to see that people actually stop at yellow lights.

When you just sort of presume that wherever you live, you'll be able to find good delis, good pizza, and good bagels.

You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island.

When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands...it becomes normal to you.

No word ends in an ER, just an AH.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island.

Against My Better Judgement...

...I'm posting this. Why? Because I thought it was funny to see how women view things twist things to suit them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know....it never happened)

(If it's up, put it down! Is that too difficult for you?)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Okay, maybe the last one is right, but the rest? I'll never admit to any of them.

Against My Better Judgement...

...I'm posting this. Why? Because I thought it was funny to see how women view things twist things to suit them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know....it never happened)

(If it's up, put it down! Is that too difficult for you?)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Okay, maybe the last one is right, but the rest? I'll never admit to any of them.

BTExpress 2007 Blogger Tour, First Stop

I decided that this fucking cold weather is getting to me so I'm taking a much needed vacation retirement is tough ya know. Dallas, Texas seemed like as good a place as any, so you can expect to see Lori and me wandering around Dallas from April 13-16. If y'all are in the area, let me know and maybe we can get together for a ho-down or what ever the fuck it is that Texans do for fun. Any suggestion?

BTExpress 2007 Blogger Tour, First Stop

I decided that this fucking cold weather is getting to me so I'm taking a much needed vacation retirement is tough ya know. Dallas, Texas seemed like as good a place as any, so you can expect to see Lori and me wandering around Dallas from April 13-16. If y'all are in the area, let me know and maybe we can get together for a ho-down or what ever the fuck it is that Texans do for fun. Any suggestion?

I Love Tyra Banks and Katharine McPhee!!!

Here's the first reason........




......and here's the second one.



I can't help admiring getting the hots for chicks groping each other and one that can get a room full of people to strip down to their underwear!

I Love Tyra Banks and Katharine McPhee!!!

Here's the first reason........




......and here's the second one.



I can't help admiring getting the hots for chicks groping each other and one that can get a room full of people to strip down to their underwear!

Nudist Rules in Effect This Weekend!

We're staying at Lori's place this weekend and clothing is optional! Her kids are spending the weekend with their dad, so we have to baby sit the dog and two cats.

Which is really a good thing.

It means that there is no chance anyone can pop in on us unannounced like at my place. I almost never know what my son's work schedule is, so I never know when to expect him.

Besides, it saves on laundry when your always naked.

Y'all have a great weekend!


PS
No, I didn't get my haircut. Kirian wasn't in again yesterday and today I've been holed up inside procrastinating and doing laundry.

Nudist Rules in Effect This Weekend!

We're staying at Lori's place this weekend and clothing is optional! Her kids are spending the weekend with their dad, so we have to baby sit the dog and two cats.

Which is really a good thing.

It means that there is no chance anyone can pop in on us unannounced like at my place. I almost never know what my son's work schedule is, so I never know when to expect him.

Besides, it saves on laundry when your always naked.

Y'all have a great weekend!


PS
No, I didn't get my haircut. Kirian wasn't in again yesterday and today I've been holed up inside procrastinating and doing laundry.

MY HAIRCUT UPDATE - HNT

My last haircut was five months ago in September. The one before that was ten months ago, last April. That was the haircut when that bastard scalped me. I knew a month ago that it was way past time for a haircut, but I just kept putting it off. Yesterday I'd finally had enough of the hair getting in my eyes, that I decided today was the day I'd finally get my haircut.

HERE'S THE BEFORE SHOT














It took some doing, but I worked up the courage to go see Kirian. First I "shit, showered and shaved" as they say in the military, and then got dressed in my finest regalia.

I put on my best-est sneakers and my sexiest jeans. Lori know the ones.

















I also put one one of my favorite tee shirts. I love this one. It took me many years to be proud of my service in Vietnam, but now I flaunt it every chance I get.










Once dressed, I took that long ass two mile drive to the barber shop to see Kirian for that much dreaded haircut. To my surprise, the place was packed. There's never more than one or two people waiting, but this time there were five people ahead of me, but no Kirian. There was just the lady that cut my hair the last time. I asked the lady when Kirian would be in. She told me he was off on Wednesdays, but would be in tomorrow at 11:00 AM.

Since she had done an acceptable job the last time she cut my locks, I decided to sit down and wait my turn. Also, I figured that since I did get all gussied up and made that long ass drive all the way to the barber shop, I'd just wait.

AND HERE'S THE AFTER
















What do you mean it looks like I didn't get my haircut?

Can't fool you, can I?

I didn't!

Let me explain.

Being in the barber shop started to get to me very soon after I sat down. The longer I sat there waiting, the more regretful I became.

I'd been there almost an entire minute when the tension finally got to me and I couldn't take being there any longer and decided I had to leave.

I left ran out the back door and went to my car.

Any bets on when I finally work up the courage to get my haircut.

TO BE CONTINUED
WHEN I FINALLY GET
MY HAIR CUT!

MY HAIRCUT UPDATE - HNT

My last haircut was five months ago in September. The one before that was ten months ago, last April. That was the haircut when that bastard scalped me. I knew a month ago that it was way past time for a haircut, but I just kept putting it off. Yesterday I'd finally had enough of the hair getting in my eyes, that I decided today was the day I'd finally get my haircut.

HERE'S THE BEFORE SHOT














It took some doing, but I worked up the courage to go see Kirian. First I "shit, showered and shaved" as they say in the military, and then got dressed in my finest regalia.

I put on my best-est sneakers and my sexiest jeans. Lori know the ones.

















I also put one one of my favorite tee shirts. I love this one. It took me many years to be proud of my service in Vietnam, but now I flaunt it every chance I get.










Once dressed, I took that long ass two mile drive to the barber shop to see Kirian for that much dreaded haircut. To my surprise, the place was packed. There's never more than one or two people waiting, but this time there were five people ahead of me, but no Kirian. There was just the lady that cut my hair the last time. I asked the lady when Kirian would be in. She told me he was off on Wednesdays, but would be in tomorrow at 11:00 AM.

Since she had done an acceptable job the last time she cut my locks, I decided to sit down and wait my turn. Also, I figured that since I did get all gussied up and made that long ass drive all the way to the barber shop, I'd just wait.

AND HERE'S THE AFTER
















What do you mean it looks like I didn't get my haircut?

Can't fool you, can I?

I didn't!

Let me explain.

Being in the barber shop started to get to me very soon after I sat down. The longer I sat there waiting, the more regretful I became.

I'd been there almost an entire minute when the tension finally got to me and I couldn't take being there any longer and decided I had to leave.

I left ran out the back door and went to my car.

Any bets on when I finally work up the courage to get my haircut.

TO BE CONTINUED
WHEN I FINALLY GET
MY HAIR CUT!

Over 30,000 Sold!

As of today, I've had over 30,000 of you horn dogs stop by my blog. Will wonders never cease?

		Page Loads	Unique Visitors	First Time Visitors	Returning Visitors
Total		41,420	30,270	17,378	12,892
Average		63	46	26	20

I started my blog on Saturday, April 23, 2005 at 3:53 PM and my first visitor stopped by two days later on April 25th. It was my friend Sarah from Political Crossfire Forum, a forum I helped moderate for a while.

Four days later I had my second visitor Lucky Pink. She and I still keep in touch through our blogs. Sarah doesn't blog much anymore, but once in a while she stops by and says hello.

It's been fun, thanks!!!!!

Over 30,000 Sold!

As of today, I've had over 30,000 of you horn dogs stop by my blog. Will wonders never cease?

		Page Loads	Unique Visitors	First Time Visitors	Returning Visitors
Total		41,420	30,270	17,378	12,892
Average		63	46	26	20

I started my blog on Saturday, April 23, 2005 at 3:53 PM and my first visitor stopped by two days later on April 25th. It was my friend Sarah from Political Crossfire Forum, a forum I helped moderate for a while.

Four days later I had my second visitor Lucky Pink. She and I still keep in touch through our blogs. Sarah doesn't blog much anymore, but once in a while she stops by and says hello.

It's been fun, thanks!!!!!

Holiday Inn Valentine's Day HNT

Holiday Inn Valentine's Day HNT

Happy Valentine's Day!

I've had my blog for almost two years now and have "met" many wonder people and made a lot of good friends. Thank you all for being there for me through the good times and the bad. This song's for you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I've had my blog for almost two years now and have "met" many wonder people and made a lot of good friends. Thank you all for being there for me through the good times and the bad. This song's for you.

RECIPE TIP # 842 - GET A FREE COOKBOOK

I was watching the Rachael Ray Show this morning and watched a segment with Kristin Davis & Mario Batali. They talked about a cookbook Mario, Giada De Laurentiis and Barilla pasta were involved in producing. The cookbook is a free download from Barilla's website and take it from 'Chef BTExpress', it's full of very good and very easy to make recipes. Get your free copy today! Here's how Barilla describes this on their website.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barilla teamed up with 10 Hollywood stars to create The Celebrity Pasta Lovers' Cookbook, which features recipes inspired by their favorite pasta dishes.

Barilla asked two of its favorite chefs, Giada De Laurentiis and Mario Batali, to take these favorites and create authentic Italian versions of the recipes that everyone can easily prepare and enjoy. And as an extra treat, Giada and Mario contributed their choice recipes as well!

The Celebrity Pasta Lovers' Cookbook is available here, free of charge, through February 2007. For each person who downloads a copy of the cookbook, Barilla will donate $1 to America's Second Harvest - The Nation's Food Bank Network, with a total donation up to $100,000. Barilla has been a supporter of America's Second Harvest since 1997, donating over 5 million pounds of pasta for distribution among more than 200 member food banks serving all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.

RECIPE TIP # 842 - GET A FREE COOKBOOK

I was watching the Rachael Ray Show this morning and watched a segment with Kristin Davis & Mario Batali. They talked about a cookbook Mario, Giada De Laurentiis and Barilla pasta were involved in producing. The cookbook is a free download from Barilla's website and take it from 'Chef BTExpress', it's full of very good and very easy to make recipes. Get your free copy today! Here's how Barilla describes this on their website.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barilla teamed up with 10 Hollywood stars to create The Celebrity Pasta Lovers' Cookbook, which features recipes inspired by their favorite pasta dishes.

Barilla asked two of its favorite chefs, Giada De Laurentiis and Mario Batali, to take these favorites and create authentic Italian versions of the recipes that everyone can easily prepare and enjoy. And as an extra treat, Giada and Mario contributed their choice recipes as well!

The Celebrity Pasta Lovers' Cookbook is available here, free of charge, through February 2007. For each person who downloads a copy of the cookbook, Barilla will donate $1 to America's Second Harvest - The Nation's Food Bank Network, with a total donation up to $100,000. Barilla has been a supporter of America's Second Harvest since 1997, donating over 5 million pounds of pasta for distribution among more than 200 member food banks serving all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.

I Have Some Good News and Some Bad News

Bad News #1: Remember my last update on my bathroom remodeling when I told you I picked out all the stuff to remodel my bathrooms? Well, forget it. I'm still remodeling the bathrooms, but I changed my mind about the designs, which in turn meant picking out and locating all new fixtures, plumbing, etc.

Bad News #2: It's taken me over two weeks to fine everything I needed to start the job. I've been going around and around with two suppliers for over two weeks, with problems like, no returned telephone calls, parts that are obsolete, parts that will take forever to get in, supplier screwed up on what they advised me I needed, appointments canceled and on and on and on......................

Bad news #3: Yesterday I ordered 95% of what I need to do the remodeling of both bathrooms and I can get the contractor to come here to go over my designs so I can order the tile.

Why is that bad news you ask? Excellent question! It's bad news because all of the stuff I ordered yesterday cost $4,614.30 and that doesn't include the tile for either bathroom or the labor to install everything.

Bad News #4: The tile costs about $6.00 a square foot and I need, lets see, how much will I need? The 1/2-bath is only 4' x 4 1/2' so that tile will only cost a little over $100. The master bath is 8' x 7'. I'm tiling the entire bathroom. The floor (56 sq ft), ceiling (56 sq ft), walls (240 sq ft) and two small floor to ceiling walls to enclose the shower (70 sq ft). That brings the grand total to tile to 359 sq ft. Now multiplying that by $6, that means the tile will cost me a minimum of $2,154. There will be scrap and waste, so I'll add on a few dollars for that. So I figure about $2,500 for the tile.

Now for the good news! HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good News #1: Yesterday, Frank at Home Depot Expo spent 1 1/2 hours with Lori going over what I wanted and what I needed. I saw his boss last week and it seems he made a few errors on what I needed. Frank caught those errors and probably saved me a lot of headaches. Can you imagine having your only bathroom with a shower not being finished because of wrong part? Thank goodness Frank was so alert. I suppose his 30 years as plumber helped.

Good News #2: The tile for the Master bath is in stock at the tile store. As soon as I can get the contractor over here to go over my design, I can get the tile. I'm sure I'm going to have to wait a couple of weeks for the things I ordered yesterday to come in, so I still have some time for this.

That's about it for my bathrooms so far, but I have some more good news.

Good News #3: A week or so ago Lori asked me in passing, if I was ever on the receiving end of Valentines Day. Truthfully, I never have, so that's what I told her. It seems to me that's the day women expect the man to go all out and they don't, so that's the way it's always been for me. I didn't think much about her question after that. Saturday I brought up the subject of Valentines Day and to my surprise, Lori told me she had made plans. I'm going to be the one on the receiving end this year for the first time ever! Can you fucking believe it,!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll tell you all about when I find out what we're doing. Lori did tell one thing. To pack the camera and tripod, so I'm sure there's going be a lot of naughtiness involved. HEE, HEE, HEE...................

I Have Some Good News and Some Bad News

Bad News #1: Remember my last update on my bathroom remodeling when I told you I picked out all the stuff to remodel my bathrooms? Well, forget it. I'm still remodeling the bathrooms, but I changed my mind about the designs, which in turn meant picking out and locating all new fixtures, plumbing, etc.

Bad News #2: It's taken me over two weeks to fine everything I needed to start the job. I've been going around and around with two suppliers for over two weeks, with problems like, no returned telephone calls, parts that are obsolete, parts that will take forever to get in, supplier screwed up on what they advised me I needed, appointments canceled and on and on and on......................

Bad news #3: Yesterday I ordered 95% of what I need to do the remodeling of both bathrooms and I can get the contractor to come here to go over my designs so I can order the tile.

Why is that bad news you ask? Excellent question! It's bad news because all of the stuff I ordered yesterday cost $4,614.30 and that doesn't include the tile for either bathroom or the labor to install everything.

Bad News #4: The tile costs about $6.00 a square foot and I need, lets see, how much will I need? The 1/2-bath is only 4' x 4 1/2' so that tile will only cost a little over $100. The master bath is 8' x 7'. I'm tiling the entire bathroom. The floor (56 sq ft), ceiling (56 sq ft), walls (240 sq ft) and two small floor to ceiling walls to enclose the shower (70 sq ft). That brings the grand total to tile to 359 sq ft. Now multiplying that by $6, that means the tile will cost me a minimum of $2,154. There will be scrap and waste, so I'll add on a few dollars for that. So I figure about $2,500 for the tile.

Now for the good news! HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good News #1: Yesterday, Frank at Home Depot Expo spent 1 1/2 hours with Lori going over what I wanted and what I needed. I saw his boss last week and it seems he made a few errors on what I needed. Frank caught those errors and probably saved me a lot of headaches. Can you imagine having your only bathroom with a shower not being finished because of wrong part? Thank goodness Frank was so alert. I suppose his 30 years as plumber helped.

Good News #2: The tile for the Master bath is in stock at the tile store. As soon as I can get the contractor over here to go over my design, I can get the tile. I'm sure I'm going to have to wait a couple of weeks for the things I ordered yesterday to come in, so I still have some time for this.

That's about it for my bathrooms so far, but I have some more good news.

Good News #3: A week or so ago Lori asked me in passing, if I was ever on the receiving end of Valentines Day. Truthfully, I never have, so that's what I told her. It seems to me that's the day women expect the man to go all out and they don't, so that's the way it's always been for me. I didn't think much about her question after that. Saturday I brought up the subject of Valentines Day and to my surprise, Lori told me she had made plans. I'm going to be the one on the receiving end this year for the first time ever! Can you fucking believe it,!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll tell you all about when I find out what we're doing. Lori did tell one thing. To pack the camera and tripod, so I'm sure there's going be a lot of naughtiness involved. HEE, HEE, HEE...................

Interesting Fact #427 - How Much Is a Billion?

I have no real reason for posting this, I thought it was interesting.


a. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
b. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
c. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
d. A billion days ago no one walked on the earth on two feet.
e. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes,
at the rate our government is spending it.

Interesting Fact #427 - How Much Is a Billion?

I have no real reason for posting this, I thought it was interesting.


a. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
b. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
c. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
d. A billion days ago no one walked on the earth on two feet.
e. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes,
at the rate our government is spending it.

SUPER BOWL FANTASY HNT - PART 2

STOP!

FIRST GO TO LORI'S BLOG AND READ PART 1 OF THIS STORY


AND THEN COME BACK HERE FOR PART 2.

The maid wench named Lori



Then bent over near



And with a grin on my face



I reached for my beer




It was ice cold and refreshing



As I stared at her rack



Then with eyes on her body



I asked, "Where is my snack"?





There were nachos piled high





With chili and cheese













And Buffalo styled wings,





She was trying to please.......








A sandwich piled thick



With a bun soft & fine



And I watched as she turned



And flashed her behind!





Now away with you wench




And get back to your chores







I'll see you at half time




For maybe some more!





Prince's halftime show was nothing, you see



Cuz it didn't come close



To the one Lori gave me.




The feather duster and apron



Were just a start



Next came the dress



"Damn this wench is so hot!"


The stockings were last



Oh man what a site



"Happy HNT to you all



And to all a good-night!"

SUPER BOWL FANTASY HNT - PART 2

STOP!

FIRST GO TO LORI'S BLOG AND READ PART 1 OF THIS STORY


AND THEN COME BACK HERE FOR PART 2.

The maid wench named Lori



Then bent over near



And with a grin on my face



I reached for my beer




It was ice cold and refreshing



As I stared at her rack



Then with eyes on her body



I asked, "Where is my snack"?





There were nachos piled high





With chili and cheese













And Buffalo styled wings,





She was trying to please.......








A sandwich piled thick



With a bun soft & fine



And I watched as she turned



And flashed her behind!





Now away with you wench




And get back to your chores







I'll see you at half time




For maybe some more!





Prince's halftime show was nothing, you see



Cuz it didn't come close



To the one Lori gave me.




The feather duster and apron



Were just a start



Next came the dress



"Damn this wench is so hot!"


The stockings were last



Oh man what a site



"Happy HNT to you all



And to all a good-night!"

Madame's Meme

I found this meme on KJ's World a while ago. I saved it and have been debating if I should post it. Since I couldn't think of anything to post today, I decided today would be a good day to post it. If you decide to do this one too, let me know.

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007? Yes
2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE? Yes, if you count a car
3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Don't remember if I did or didn't
4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? No
5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX? Yes, I like cuddling all the time
6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE? No, not even the $12 hooker I lost my virginity to
7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM? Yes, just got tired and decided to stop. Had a condom on so she didn't know
8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP? I like to hear her scream and tell me how good I am and to do it ........ Woops...... I'm usually silent, but I'm trying get more vocal
9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX? Yes
10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Yes
11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND? Yes, twice
12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME? No, dammit!
13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX? Yes
14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX? Yes
15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE? No
16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE? I met a girl at a wedding and she asked me to take her parking, then asked me take off her clothes and fuck her. (lucky me, huh?) I found a place to park and just as we started fucking, a cop shined his flash light in the window and told us to get out of there. BTW, she was only the second girl I fucked.
17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY? I was 19 and just out of army basic training
18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW? Not including Lori, no one
19. DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBER 18 IS POSSIBLE? Yes
20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW? Yes
21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS? I've only fucked four different women
22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR? Duh, I like it anywhere I can get it
23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO? No, see #17
24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER? No
25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER? No
26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD? Never had a guy toy
27. LINGERIE? Yes, on her of course
28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER? No dammit!

WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX
( )park
( )church
( )cemetery
( )beach
(X)boat
( )school
( )parent's bed
(X)your bed
(X)car
( )picnic table
( )kitchen counter
(X)couch/chair
(X)dining room/kitchen table
( )woods (open and/or in a tent)
( )hood of a car
(X)bathroom
(X)shower
(X)the other person's bed
( )porch/deck/balcony
( )in a house with parents home
( )at a party
( )on top of the washer/dryer
( )with other people in the room
(X)hotel
( )concert
( )grandparent's house
( )field
( )bleachers


Happy Humpin'

Madame's Meme

I found this meme on KJ's World a while ago. I saved it and have been debating if I should post it. Since I couldn't think of anything to post today, I decided today would be a good day to post it. If you decide to do this one too, let me know.

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007? Yes
2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE? Yes, if you count a car
3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Don't remember if I did or didn't
4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? No
5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX? Yes, I like cuddling all the time
6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE? No, not even the $12 hooker I lost my virginity to
7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM? Yes, just got tired and decided to stop. Had a condom on so she didn't know
8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP? I like to hear her scream and tell me how good I am and to do it ........ Woops...... I'm usually silent, but I'm trying get more vocal
9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX? Yes
10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Yes
11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND? Yes, twice
12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME? No, dammit!
13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX? Yes
14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX? Yes
15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE? No
16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE? I met a girl at a wedding and she asked me to take her parking, then asked me take off her clothes and fuck her. (lucky me, huh?) I found a place to park and just as we started fucking, a cop shined his flash light in the window and told us to get out of there. BTW, she was only the second girl I fucked.
17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY? I was 19 and just out of army basic training
18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW? Not including Lori, no one
19. DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBER 18 IS POSSIBLE? Yes
20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW? Yes
21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS? I've only fucked four different women
22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR? Duh, I like it anywhere I can get it
23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO? No, see #17
24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER? No
25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER? No
26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD? Never had a guy toy
27. LINGERIE? Yes, on her of course
28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER? No dammit!

WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX
( )park
( )church
( )cemetery
( )beach
(X)boat
( )school
( )parent's bed
(X)your bed
(X)car
( )picnic table
( )kitchen counter
(X)couch/chair
(X)dining room/kitchen table
( )woods (open and/or in a tent)
( )hood of a car
(X)bathroom
(X)shower
(X)the other person's bed
( )porch/deck/balcony
( )in a house with parents home
( )at a party
( )on top of the washer/dryer
( )with other people in the room
(X)hotel
( )concert
( )grandparent's house
( )field
( )bleachers


Happy Humpin'

SQUAWKS

I LMAO when I read this one. Hope you enjoy it.


Squawks

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers
lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!

(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

SQUAWKS

I LMAO when I read this one. Hope you enjoy it.


Squawks

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers
lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!

(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

The Messengers

On Saturday, Lori and I had a night out with her three kids. I really shouldn't call them kids, because they are something like 23, 25 & 27. But since I'm an old fart of 57, they seem like kids to me. Hell, most of you are so much younger than me and still seem like kids to me for that matter. ;-)

We met at Chili's for dinner and drinks and then went to the movies. They are all big fans of horror movies and thrillers and they just had to see The Messengers" on the day it was released. We all agreed it wasn't as good as it could have been, but it was still worth seeing.

The best part was when Lori got the email the next day from one of her daughters that said they all had a great time and they want us all to do it again.

Guess I finally grew on them, huh? :-)

The Messengers

On Saturday, Lori and I had a night out with her three kids. I really shouldn't call them kids, because they are something like 23, 25 & 27. But since I'm an old fart of 57, they seem like kids to me. Hell, most of you are so much younger than me and still seem like kids to me for that matter. ;-)

We met at Chili's for dinner and drinks and then went to the movies. They are all big fans of horror movies and thrillers and they just had to see The Messengers" on the day it was released. We all agreed it wasn't as good as it could have been, but it was still worth seeing.

The best part was when Lori got the email the next day from one of her daughters that said they all had a great time and they want us all to do it again.

Guess I finally grew on them, huh? :-)

Happy Anniversary Lori!

Today is 11th month anniversary of the day Lori and I met. I took her the movies and then to Kenny's Pub & Grub for dinner. We were having such a great time, we closed the place and I didn't get Lori home until just before sunrise.

Happy Anniversary Baby!

Happy Anniversary Lori!

Today is 11th month anniversary of the day Lori and I met. I took her the movies and then to Kenny's Pub & Grub for dinner. We were having such a great time, we closed the place and I didn't get Lori home until just before sunrise.

Happy Anniversary Baby!

New Blogger Got Me Too

Blogger made me switch all three of my blogs to the new Blogger this morning. This better be worth it, or I'm going to be really pissed off.

New Blogger Got Me Too

Blogger made me switch all three of my blogs to the new Blogger this morning. This better be worth it, or I'm going to be really pissed off.

Elyse Sewell

Do you remember this girl!


No? Well, she was the "Third-to-Next Top Model" on the TV show "America's Next Top Model"; meaning she came in third. But third place was not such a bad place to be. She is the ONLY person from that show to go into modeling. She models for a living, mostly in Hong Kong.

The photo you see above, is from Elyse's latest blog post. She posts all the time and always with pictures she takes herself. She is funny as hell and if you want laugh, visit her blog. I'm never disappointed when I do.

Got to go. Lori just called and she is just a few minutes away. I have to hurry and get her drink ready. I always greet her at the door with a gin & tonic. Have a great weekend.

Elyse Sewell

Do you remember this girl!


No? Well, she was the "Third-to-Next Top Model" on the TV show "America's Next Top Model"; meaning she came in third. But third place was not such a bad place to be. She is the ONLY person from that show to go into modeling. She models for a living, mostly in Hong Kong.

The photo you see above, is from Elyse's latest blog post. She posts all the time and always with pictures she takes herself. She is funny as hell and if you want laugh, visit her blog. I'm never disappointed when I do.

Got to go. Lori just called and she is just a few minutes away. I have to hurry and get her drink ready. I always greet her at the door with a gin & tonic. Have a great weekend.

Combo HNT

I still haven't gotten that haircut I talked about last week. You all know how much I HATE getting my haircut, so your probably not surprised.



So, where's the nekkidness you ask?

Don't worry, it's coming right up.

So for all you horn dogs, a picture of my, uh, uh, my man junk follows.





WARNING! DO NOT SCROLL DOWN THE PAGE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY LOOKING AT MAN JUNK!






I WARNED YOU!!!!!!!!!










EDIT: Sorry to disappoint you. I was going to post my junk in it's full glory, but got shy at the last minute and covered it up.

What can I say, I'm shy.

Besides, Lori may not approve.

But if you really want to see my stuff, ask Lori.

My junk is now her's to do with as she wishes now, so if she say it's okay with her, you got it!

Happy HNT Y'all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Combo HNT

I still haven't gotten that haircut I talked about last week. You all know how much I HATE getting my haircut, so your probably not surprised.



So, where's the nekkidness you ask?

Don't worry, it's coming right up.

So for all you horn dogs, a picture of my, uh, uh, my man junk follows.





WARNING! DO NOT SCROLL DOWN THE PAGE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY LOOKING AT MAN JUNK!






I WARNED YOU!!!!!!!!!










EDIT: Sorry to disappoint you. I was going to post my junk in it's full glory, but got shy at the last minute and covered it up.

What can I say, I'm shy.

Besides, Lori may not approve.

But if you really want to see my stuff, ask Lori.

My junk is now her's to do with as she wishes now, so if she say it's okay with her, you got it!

Happy HNT Y'all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!