Family Pool Party HNT

Once a year, Lori's brother's family comes to Long Island (FYI...that's the long island east of New York City that most people don't even know exists) once a year for a visit. One of the days they are here, they celebrate with something they call "Man Date". This year I hosted Man Date at my place.


















I asked my assistant to make the drinks for the guests and heat up the grill for the chicken wings Lori marinated.

Lori has the BEST wing marinate ever!!!!

















The grill was ready so I put the wings on.

Nice grill, huh?



















While the wings cooked, I hung out with my assistant.
















Then the rain moved in. Boy, did it rain and rain buckets and buckets.















Did the rain deter us?

HELL NO!!!!!

We were getting wet either way, so what the hell, go swimming.









I'd had enough of the water, be it rain or pool, so I made another drink and chatted from the steps.

I said I had enough of the rain didn't I?

Happy Man Date HNT!

PS
Thanks for all of the encouraging words. Love you guys, a lot!

PSS
Next summer my back yard resort will be finished and you are all invited to my place for an HNT get together. Be there or be square!

PSSS
Clothing optional of course.

IS MY STEP MOM TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?

Summer Classes for Men at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, August 16th 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice..
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, 'HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW'.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, 'FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO'.

'FINE',

THEN THE WIFE ASKS, 'WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT'.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, 'FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO'.

'FINE',

SHE SAYS 'THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK '

'I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS'. HE SAYS, 'DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

'I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!! '

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS....................................... HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE, HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

'HONEY', HE ASKS, 'HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?'

SHE SAID, 'WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE'.

HE SAID, 'SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?'

SHE REPLIED, 'HELLOOOOO.. DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!'

Contemplation HNT

I'm contemplating stopping blogging. Since going private, my readership has dropped to almost nothing and last week my HNT only got one comment. Doesn't seem worth the effort to me.

What do you think?

Happy HNT?

BIRTHDAY PRESENT HNT

Last week my son Brian told me that he finally figured out what he wanted me to buy him with the money I promised him for his birthday. That was ON April 26th. He said that he was going sky diving in two hours and wanted me to pay for it.

WTF? SKY DIVING!

Believe me, this was the last thing I imagined he'd say to me that morning. The last thing I imagined he would ask me to buy him with his birthday money. I swallowed hard and thought, presents are all about getting things we want and things we wish we had. He wanted to go sky diving didn't he, so, against my better judgment, I said yes.

Did you ever have the urge to go sky diving. The urge to jump out of an airplane when it's not even about to crash and you have to. Just doing it just for the fun of it? FUN? That's not my idea of fun. I do enjoy scuba diving and some say the same thing about that. But I don't really compare the two, because I can swim, but I sure as hell can't fly, no matter how hard I flap my arms.

He smiled, gave me a hug, told me they would be jumping at 1:30 and walked happily out the door, hopefully to return to me alive and in one piece. Here are some pictures from his big day.

Note: I know these pictures aren't of me, but he's half mine, so I'm counting it as an official HNT post.

Training over and it's time to get aboard the plane. The hot blond next to him was the other nut, I mean friend of his that was jumping too.







"Your turn Brian, ready"

Quote, "Ya, I fucking psyched!"







No turning back now.









"SSSSSSSHHHHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!!!!!!"













"WOW, this is awesome!"













"YAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"









There he is, way up there.....










...and it's a long way down.









Here he come now!









He's almost down.









I can almost feel the ground.

I"M ALIVE!
I CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN!

HAPPY SKY DIVING BIRTHDAY PRESENT HNT!

FYI, as excited as he was when he landed, he puked his guts out a 1/2 hour later. LMAO!!!! But he can't wait to do it again.

NOT SO HAPPY HNT

Things had been going well with my outdoor back yard project. Yesterday, about 1/4 of the pavers had been put down.


Today, Lori and I made a toast to my "resort".

WTF are those things on our wrists you ask? They're hospital bracelets. You know, the bracelets they give you when need medical attention in a hospital. Today, Wednesday, Lori went to the hospital to get some shots in her spine that are supposed to relieve the pain from her ruptured discs. My bracelet was a present the VA hospital gave for my injured hand/wrist.

Long story short, I was cleaning my pool and stumbled over some patio stones. I fell forward and reached out with my left hand to break my fall. I tried to stop myself from falling in the pool, but alas, no use, in the pool I went.

Two of the construction worker ran over to help, but I assured them I was okay. I then swam to the steps, climbed out of the pool dripping water feeling like an idiot for not paying attention to were I was going.

My hand hurt a bit, as much as anyone's hand that smashed down on concrete. Not that painful, but it did hurt. I went inside, stripped to my birthday suit and got in the shower. That done, I hung up my wet clothes in the basement.

A few hours later, the swelling and pain alarmed me. I fucked up hand when I fell. I called Lori and asked her for a favor, "Can you give a ride to the hospital, I think I broke my hand?"

Of course she agreed, but do you know what her second thought was?

You'll never guess.

She was relieved that it was my left hand and not my magical right hand. The hand with the magic fingers. You figure out why they are magical. ;-)

Anyway, she came over and drove me to the VA hospital. I was the only one there. I saw the doctor, had x rays and was told it didn't look broken. That surprised me, because my hand was the size if the Good Year blimp.

Fine. I got me some drugs, a bandage and Lori drove me home. She stayed with me to make sure I would be okay.

Today she had a procedure that hopefully, relieves the pain she's had daily for the last five years. So far, so good. Only time will tell.

The day goes by, I apply ice on and off and and take the drugs. I was looking forward to the swelling going down, so I can enjoy the BBQ at my place on Saturday. (BTW, you're all invited.) I really expected my hand to feel better and look better, but no, that would be too much to ask.


Yes, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww......... I think the doctor's daginosis may be wrong. What do you think?

Looks like tomorrow I will be getting a second opinion.

NOT SO HAPPY HNT!

FYI, girls, sympathy pics will be gratefully appreciated. HINT, HINT.....