Happy Hour

Last night a small group of us from work went out for Happy Hour. It was the first time I've socialized in any form for a very, very long time. It was really nice just to hang out, drink and BS. They even had a couple trays of free food. One was a pasta, sausage and broccoli rabe dish and the other was muscles in garlic and oil; both excellent.

Gail, our hospice volunteer, has been bugging me to get out and do something for myself, but this was the first time I took her up on it. It was good to just get away from things at home, even if it was just for two hours.

As Seen on HBO's "Sex in the City"

I received an email with As seen on HBO's "Sex and The City" as the title. It peaked my interest, so I opened it. It was spam, of course, but for the infamous vibrator talked about by Carrie on HBO's Sex in the City. This is a picture of the cute little fellow.

It seems to be a very popular little guy with the ladies because they advertise it as #1 Top Selling Sex Toy. Wow, if it's that good, I couldn't possibly keep it to myself. I just have to get the word out to my lady friends, and any of you guys that may like it from behind. (Hey guys, I don't judge, what ever floats your boat I always say.)

If you try it, I'd be interested in knowing if you enjoyed it and if it stands up to the hype. Also keep in mind that pictures of you with the rabbit could make some very interesting pictures for Half Nekkid Thursday.

Here's the email if any of you are interested in evaluating the many joys of the vibrator with the little rabbit ears.

As seen on HBO's "Sex and The City"

http://bornfruit.com/p1/

This classic vibrator is a womans best friend...
The Jack Rabbit Vibrator is a dual control multi-speed vibrating and rotating 7 1/2" x 1 1/2" Vibrator. Made of a bright pink, pliant jelly, the tip is realistically sculpted. The rotating pearls in the center of the shaft provide both internal and external stimulation to all her sensitive spots While the pearled shaft rotates and vibrates, massaging her inside, the Jack Rabbit's ears are busy tickling her clitoris outside. The shaft and stimulator are controlled separately, so she can customize her experience every time.

Jack Rabbit Vibrator Features:

Dual Control Multi-Speed Vibrator
Rotating Pearls
Rabbit Ears for External Clitoral Stimulation
The Jack Rabbit is 7 1/2 inches long x 1 1/2 inches in diameter

To order 1 http://bornfruit.com/p1/

Boy am I pissed

The fucking GE repair man didn't show to fix my washing machine today. The thing broke down over two fucking weeks ago and it still isn't fixed.

I called the "toll free number" to see what happened and got a recording that says the service call has been rescheduled for next Tuesday.

WHAT THE FUCK THAT ALL ABOUT!!! YOU CALLED LAST NIGHT TO CONFIRM THE APPOINTMENT!!! THERE IS SOMEONE HERE 24 FUCKING HOURS A DAY TAKING CARE OF BARBARA!!!! SO WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU TODAY????!!!!!

I call some number at GE and get a hold of some fucking robot, all these CSD assholes are robots, and tell him I've been waiting three weeks to get my washing machine fixed. He checks the computer.

"Did you get the parts?"

"Yes, the middle of last week."

"Oh."

"I have no record of why he didn't show. I can't help with this, you need to talk to Customer Relations."

"So transfer me."

"They are closed now."

"Some what are there hours?"

"They are 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM, Monday through Friday"

"Okay, then what's their number?"

"One eight hundred....blah, blah, blah.........."

"Thanks."

"Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

I just hung up without saying a word. (The dumb ass.) I HATE THAT FUCKING QUESTION!!!

My Nephew is Going to Have a Baby

Well, not him exactly, his wife. She's expecting next March. Wow, nice, uh? Not so fast. They just got married on April frigging 23rd. Yeah right, about 2 1/2 months ago. I'm still in shock!

Here's the story.

Kathy came over this past Saturday for a visit and told us that Ad and Mel are going to have a baby. (Now I know why she came over) Barbara's first words were, "Oh wow." Mine were, "Umh fsi...humada, humada, huimada....the....uh....they're...holy...their...huh?" I swear, I couldn't speak. I just stood there mumbling like a mute for something like 15 seconds.

Kathy just smiled. You could tell she was forcing it, because I've seen that smile plenty of times in the past 35 years.

"Uh, wow. Why so quick?" I asked.

"She is 29 you know, did you know that she was older than Ad?"

I shook my head no.

"I guess the maternal urge has hit her. Wayne was shocked." (Kathy's husband)

"What about you?" I asked.

Again the forced smile, with "I'm going to be a grandmother. Can you believe it? A grandmother."

I just smiled and didn't ask her anything else, because I knew she was unhappy, so I just said, "Well, congratulate them for me, ok?"

I went back to the computer and Kathy spent a little more time visiting with Barbara.

Then I started doing the math. "Baby due next March. March plus three equals June. They get married on April 23rd and gets pregnant two months later. That's right, whole fucking two months. WTF were they thinking. They are going to have enough trouble adjusting to just being married, and now they're going have a baby. Idiots.

Then it dawns on me. My brother got married something like six months after he met Diane. She also got pregnant right away. After she had the baby, it wasn't two years before she took the kid and walked out on him. Yeah, he was an idiot too.

Only one guess to yesterday's question, ...

... and it was from Housewyfe Wendy. Since I had only one guess to yesterday's question, I will address this post to the her.

No Wendy, it wasn't Jesus that visited yesterday, it was Barbara's sister Kathy. And since your guess was also your first visit here, (thank you for visiting) you don't know the significance of that, so I will give you a little background info.

Barbara has three sisters; Kathy, Ann Marie and Debbie. Kathy is the sister that lives 1/4 mile away and never visits Barbara. Well, never is an exaggeration I suppose. I guess I should say almost never, just to be fair, because Kathy's last visit was July 1st and the one before that was Easter Sunday, March 27th. So never really is not correct. Ann Marie lives about 5 miles away and visits almost once a week when she is in the area (like 5 miles is exactly out of the area and chore to travel). Debbie lives in Florida near their parents, and I may be wrong, but I think was here right after Barbara's first brain surgery in July 2003.

So Wendy, yesterday's visit was really a surprise to me, which is why I posted the "do you know who showed up" question yesterday.

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!

You'll never guess who showed up before. You'll never fucking guess.

Go ahead and try, but you'll never get it.

Go ahead and try, I'll give you some time.

Sylvia

I've mentioned her before, she's my wife's caregiver. She called in sick this morning because she has a problem with her mouth and had to go to the doctor or dentist or something. Don't really know where she went, as there is still somewhat of a language barrier with her recently coming here from the Dominican Republic and all.

That being said, I decided, to take the day off today. I could have worked at home, on-line, but decide to go back to sleep and make it a three day weekend. It's no big deal really being off. I don't get to do anything special, or even go outside, but I still had the day off which ain't a bad thing, no matter how you look at it.

I got to stay in my bathrobe, read blogs and browse my favorite "Over 18 Free Video" sight and do what one would do with ones self, while watching "Over 18 Free Videos". ;)

My Vertigo

It seems to have subsided as I can actually roll over without the room spinning. I guess it's time to cut back on the meds from three times a day to two times. Wish me luck.

Uh......

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail-in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.


All of them are interesting, but a lot of them make me sad.

My AC Broke, Part 7

I just looked at the thermostat in the hall, and it reads 81F. Damn, I'm tired of not having AC.

Just to keep you updated; the first two central air contractors gave me prices of $3,200 and $3500, but never sent the estimates (guess they don't want the jobs). The third guy was $5,200 (he left the estimate before he left that evening). I got a post card in the mail yesterday from another contractor and left a message on his answering machine a little while ago to call me. I hope this guy is closer to the first two.

I saw the weather forecast and it looks like Tuesday it will get up to 92F. Damn, that's hot. I wonder what the temperature in the hall will be that day?

Yep, it's vertigo

I went to the doctor this morning and he confirmed I have vertigo. I had a 10:45 appointment and got there a few minutes early as I don't like to be anywhere late. I get called into the exam room about 10 minutes later at about 10:50. Not bad I think, only waited 10 minutes. But the inevitable wait for the doctor to show started.

As the wait progressed, I thought, "Good thing I brought the newspaper". It wasn't enough reading material for the wait though, because I read the whole thing through and started it over a second time before he finally showed up at a little after 11:30.

Well, we talked a little, he asked how Barbara was doing, I complained about my lack of sleep the past week or so because of her agitation and the hallucinations, small talk over and we got down to why I was there.

"I can't sleep on my back. Everytime I roll over and my head gets vertical, BAM!!!, I start spinning out of control. The spinning lasts for like 30 seconds."

That may not seem like a long time to you guys, but it is. I hate vertigo.

He says I probably have an inner ear infection which is causing the vertigo. He says he wants to take my blood pressure, take some blood, do an EKG of my heart and check the pressure in my ears.

I wanted to say, "Look doc, like I said on the phone, I have fucking vertigo! I've had it before and I know what it is. Just give the fucking prescription and let me out of here. I don't need all this extra money making, for you, tests to prove what we both already know, is wrong with me, I have vertigo."

He says the nurse will be in a minute (fat fucking chance of that) to take the tests.

Now I wait another 15 minutes. She pushes in the first cart, does some tests. Then pushes in the second cart and does some more tests. "What did the ear pressure test show", I asked. "I don't know how to read that, the doctor will be in in a minute."

LMFAO, a minute? Doctors watches shouldn't even have minute hands. They don't know what a minute is.

Now I start looking looking around the exam room.

"Free Viagra. Buy 5 prescriptions and get the sixth free". Not now, but someday.

"Do you have low testosterone?" No pamphlet but a cute little electronic game type thing with yes or no answers.

Then there's the chart with the wife complaining about her husbands snoring. "Do you have sleep apnea?" it asks.

What else?

Hey, another little electronic push the yes or no answer things about getting an erection. I push the on button, but the batteries are dead on this one.

The doc comes in about this time and tells me my heart is fine, he's sending the blood out to have it tested and my ear pressure is a little low probably because I have fluid in my ears, which is screwing up my balance.

Now for what we've all been waiting for, the diagnosis.

"You have vertigo."

I wanted to say, "No fucking shit. Isn't that I told you when I walked in? Look doc, like I said on the phone, and again when I got here, I know I have fucking vertigo! I've had it before and I know what it is. You should have just given me the fucking prescription and let me out of here. I didn't need to spend all this time here waiting and all this extra money making, for you, tests to know what we both already knew, is wrong with me."

"I want to see you in a week to see if it's better. Check with the appointment desk in the back. See you in a week."

Sure I will. My vertigo will be gone in a few days and I will be better next week so I'm canceling the appointment early next week, and I'm not wasting another 1/2 day for you to agree with me that I'm fine.

Unless, I don't really have vertigo and I really am dieing. In that case I will be back next week complaining about why you didn't diagnose my fatal disease last week.

Oh, I got out of there at a little after 12:00. Not bad, it usually takes longer.

Damn, I have vertigo again.

Did you ever roll over in bed and have the room spin VIOLENTLY for about 30 seconds? No? You are very, very lucky. It happened to me again last night, third time in two years. I hate this shit!!!! Anybody know what causes it? I'm not dieing am I?

It dawned on me why I liked the picture in my last post so much

Eighth grade English and lucky enough to be in the hot teacher's class. She sat on her desk facing the class, looked down and noticed she had a run in her stocking just like the one in the picture. I remember her picking at the run and telling us she was upset because the stocking ran down, and she still had the whole day to get through with a run in them. She said she would try to stop it from running anymore by putting nail polish on the run.

(Now this is where it gets good, for an eighth grader anyway.)

She leans back over her desk to get her pocket book out of the drawer. Now I could see her thigh almost to her panties as she leaned back. Oh how I wanted to catch a glimpse of panties. The only ones I seen up to that point were my little sister's or my mom's hanging on a clothes line and there is nothing erotic about that. She took the nail polish out of her pocket book and dabbed a little on the run.

Which reminds me of another story about that school.

It may or may not have been the same class, but I remember unthinkingly scratching my balls one day and one of the very few girls in school with real boobs, not tissue stuffed bra boobs, but real ones, asked me if she could scratch them for me. I was so embarrassed and of course I said no.

What a dick I was.

She was also the same girl who intercepted a note to some guy and tucked it in her bra. She made him go in and get it. She stood there in front of us all and let the guy feel her up, INSIDE HER BRA! Can you believe it?

Damn, I'm glad I have a good long term memory.

Then there was the time in ninth grade, or was it tenth, when I actually got to touch a girls boobs for the first time.

Never mind, your probably not interested in hearing this stuff.

It dawned on me why I liked the picture in my last post so much

Eighth grade English and lucky enough to be in the hot teacher's class. She sat on her desk facing the class, looked down and noticed she had a run in her stocking just like the one in the picture. I remember her picking at the run and telling us she was upset because the stocking ran down, and she still had the whole day to get through with a run in them. She said she would try to stop it from running anymore by putting nail polish on the run.

(Now this is where it gets good, for an eighth grader anyway.)

She leans back over her desk to get her pocket book out of the drawer. Now I could see her thigh almost to her panties as she leaned back. Oh how I wanted to catch a glimpse of panties. The only ones I seen up to that point were my little sister's or my mom's hanging on a clothes line and there is nothing erotic about that. She took the nail polish out of her pocket book and dabbed a little on the run.

Which reminds me of another story about that school.

It may or may not have been the same class, but I remember unthinkingly scratching my balls one day and one of the very few girls in school with real boobs, not tissue stuffed bra boobs, but real ones, asked me if she could scratch them for me. I was so embarrassed and of course I said no.

What a dick I was.

She was also the same girl who intercepted a note to some guy and tucked it in her bra. She made him go in and get it. She stood there in front of us all and let the guy feel her up, INSIDE HER BRA! Can you believe it?

Damn, I'm glad I have a good long term memory.

Then there was the time in ninth grade, or was it tenth, when I actually got to touch a girls boobs for the first time.

Never mind, your probably not interested in hearing this stuff.

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, ...

...naw, I'm not ashamed to admit it, or I wouldn't post this.

I was checking out one of my favorite blogs just now, Lusty Lady, and saw a link to Flickrbooty. I must say, it is worth a visit for all you lovers of.........of.........., how do I put this delicately ......., female nakedness.

Here's my favorite picture from the site.
















I wonder why, with all the naked pictures of women, this was my favorite photo?

I got the ricotta...

...but the chicken was going to spoil, so I fried up the cutlets in italian bread crumbs instead. I got the idea from Amber, sort of. She recommended Recipes.com. So this afternoon I went there and that made me feel like cooking, so I did. Thanks Amber.

Guess what I forgot to buy?

Ricotta. I was going to make a ricotta and peas omelet for dinner tonight, but without ricotta, it doesn't work. So I made beef stroganoff Hamburger Helper instead. The hospice volunteer called and is coming Sunday for a couple hours so I'll add ricotta to my shopping list and get it when I do my weekly food shopping.

Now, where did I put the pad for a shopping list? Aw, never mind, I'll remember.

You'll never guess

I actually cooked tonight. I know, I know, it's been awhile, but I actually cooked. It was pretty simple really and nothing special, but it counts as cooking as far as I'm concerned.

I sauted a few pork chops and large onion in a little peanut oil for 10 minutes, then deglazed the pan with a little white wine. While that was cooking, I diced some celery and added it to 2 cups of Stove Top Stuffing mix, 2 table spoons of butter and a cup of water. I nuked that for, I forget how long but it was for however long the package said to nuke it. I took the pork chops out of the pan and put them on a dish. Then I poured about 3/4 cup of Jack Daniels BBQ sauce over the onions and finished cooking them, which was for about 5 more minutes, I think. I had to do that because I forgot to put the onions in with the pork chops. Once the onions were done, I put them back in the pan and scooped the onion and BBQ sauce mixture over the the top. Next I spooned the stuffing around the pork chops. I covered the pan and turned down the heat to low and finished cooking them for however long it took me to finish my gin and tonic and nuke a package of frozen peas.

Barbara hadn't eaten since breakfast so I shared the pork chops with her, we had two of them. When Brian came home, which wasn't too long ago actually, about 12:45, he ate the leftover pork chop and stuffing. He doesn't eat peas so they are still in the refrigerator. I think I'll make a rigotta omelet with them tomorrow night if I remember to stop and buy the rigotta.

For the last few months I can count on one hand, how many times I've actually cooked. But what's the point? Brian works six days a week, usually from 2:00 till 10:30, so he's almost never home when I eat. You never know when Barbara's going to eat. Her caregivers have been feeding her when she's hungry, and you never know when that will be. Most of the time she eats lunch late in the day before I get home from work. Lately it's been 3:00 or 4:00.

So who feels like cooking for one? Not me, that's for sure. That's why I don't cook.

So what do I eat you ask? It's either anything I can get delivered, frozen somethings or one-step packaged meals like tuna helper, but mostly frozen. But that is all in the past because tonight I actually cooked.

Any suggetions for a pork loin? I thawed it out and need to cook it before it goes bad. I was thinking something with a large can of cling peaches. What do you think?

HALLELUJAH!!!

Guess who finally showed up today? Barbara's sister Kathy. I told you about her before. She's Barbara's next youngest sister, she has three. The last time she showed her face over here for a visit was Easter. Fucking Easter!

But maybe I'm being too hard on her. She does live a whole 1/4 mile away and maybe that's too far for her to travel and she has stopped by a few times since Easter, but Barbara was always asleep so just turned around and left.

Today Kathy came while I was at work, and I hope it's the same way if, and when she shows up the next time. I'm not very happy about her not visiting, and it would show. I'm figuring at the rate Kathy visits, her next one will be for Barbara's birthday in September.