LONG ISLAND

I've lived on Long Island for over 47 years and can relate to everyone of these. If you ever lived there, you can relate, If not, then I guess most of this won't make sense at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you almost never go there.

When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't.

You think if you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York.

You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.

You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "The City".

You never realize you have an accent till you leave.

Everything north of the Bronx is "upstate." New Jersey sucks.

At some point in your life you've gone clamming.

Either your parents or your grandparents lived in the city.

You'd pay $11.50 for a movie.

You don't live in Long Island. You live ON Long Island.

Your distant future might involve the state of Florida.

You can correctly pronounce places like Ronkonkoma, Hauppauge, Wantagh, Mineola, Islandia, and Massapequa.

You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.

You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."

You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.

No, you don't want mustard on that burger!!

You can't understand why a diner would ever close.

You've had a seagull crap on your car.

You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville.

You went to an elementary school that promoted dodge ball as the number 1 game among children 7-13.

You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks but you periodically "Get the Crave".

You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan.

You think that somehow, the Jets and giants still play in New York.

You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.

You or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.

Quick! Who's your county Executive? Don't know do you?

You've never taken an MTA bus.

The Long Island Expressway isn't really as bad as everybody thinks.

You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.

You know which parts of the godfather were filmed on Long Island.

You've paid a $10 cover charge to get in to a bar, but got nothing for it.

You miss wiffle ball and running through sprinklers.

You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.

Billy Joel said it best, "either you date a rich girl from The North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore ".

You don't really see the big deal about the Hamptons, unless you got smashed at the Bordy Barn.

When people ask, "where are you from?" you answer Lawn Guy Land and automatically assume everyone in the world knows that answer means New York.

You've always liked Billy Joel and you own several of his "records."

The Belt Parkway sucks! You've been stuck in a traffic jam for more than 2 hours (without moving).

Your parents took you to All American, Nathan's or Carvel (on the way home from the beach).

Regular gas - $3.29 and you still pay it!!!

You hate paying tolls.

You don't have to go far to see your family.

You remember Grumman.

You've gotten drunk on the bleachers of some high school.

You know the color of the water at Jones Beach is not BLUE!

You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy's and Arby's closed for good.

You can spout off all the LIRR stops between Penn Station and Ronkonkoma.

Paying $35 for a haircut doesn't sound so crazy.

You think the people from Brooklyn are "da wunz dat tawk wit a accent."

You went sledding in the sumps. You've partied on a golf course in the middle of the night.

You knew of Massapequa before the Amy Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco nightmare.

You think going to Queens is a hike.

The first time you heard the term "Long Island Iced Tea" you were somewhere else and you laughed.

When you live somewhere else and are astounded to see that people actually stop at yellow lights.

When you just sort of presume that wherever you live, you'll be able to find good delis, good pizza, and good bagels.

You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island.

When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands...it becomes normal to you.

No word ends in an ER, just an AH.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island.

LONG ISLAND

I've lived on Long Island for over 47 years and can relate to everyone of these. If you ever lived there, you can relate, If not, then I guess most of this won't make sense at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you almost never go there.

When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't.

You think if you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York.

You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.

You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "The City".

You never realize you have an accent till you leave.

Everything north of the Bronx is "upstate." New Jersey sucks.

At some point in your life you've gone clamming.

Either your parents or your grandparents lived in the city.

You'd pay $11.50 for a movie.

You don't live in Long Island. You live ON Long Island.

Your distant future might involve the state of Florida.

You can correctly pronounce places like Ronkonkoma, Hauppauge, Wantagh, Mineola, Islandia, and Massapequa.

You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.

You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."

You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.

No, you don't want mustard on that burger!!

You can't understand why a diner would ever close.

You've had a seagull crap on your car.

You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville.

You went to an elementary school that promoted dodge ball as the number 1 game among children 7-13.

You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks but you periodically "Get the Crave".

You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan.

You think that somehow, the Jets and giants still play in New York.

You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.

You or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.

Quick! Who's your county Executive? Don't know do you?

You've never taken an MTA bus.

The Long Island Expressway isn't really as bad as everybody thinks.

You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.

You know which parts of the godfather were filmed on Long Island.

You've paid a $10 cover charge to get in to a bar, but got nothing for it.

You miss wiffle ball and running through sprinklers.

You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.

Billy Joel said it best, "either you date a rich girl from The North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore ".

You don't really see the big deal about the Hamptons, unless you got smashed at the Bordy Barn.

When people ask, "where are you from?" you answer Lawn Guy Land and automatically assume everyone in the world knows that answer means New York.

You've always liked Billy Joel and you own several of his "records."

The Belt Parkway sucks! You've been stuck in a traffic jam for more than 2 hours (without moving).

Your parents took you to All American, Nathan's or Carvel (on the way home from the beach).

Regular gas - $3.29 and you still pay it!!!

You hate paying tolls.

You don't have to go far to see your family.

You remember Grumman.

You've gotten drunk on the bleachers of some high school.

You know the color of the water at Jones Beach is not BLUE!

You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy's and Arby's closed for good.

You can spout off all the LIRR stops between Penn Station and Ronkonkoma.

Paying $35 for a haircut doesn't sound so crazy.

You think the people from Brooklyn are "da wunz dat tawk wit a accent."

You went sledding in the sumps. You've partied on a golf course in the middle of the night.

You knew of Massapequa before the Amy Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco nightmare.

You think going to Queens is a hike.

The first time you heard the term "Long Island Iced Tea" you were somewhere else and you laughed.

When you live somewhere else and are astounded to see that people actually stop at yellow lights.

When you just sort of presume that wherever you live, you'll be able to find good delis, good pizza, and good bagels.

You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island.

When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands...it becomes normal to you.

No word ends in an ER, just an AH.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island.

Against My Better Judgement...

...I'm posting this. Why? Because I thought it was funny to see how women view things twist things to suit them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know....it never happened)

(If it's up, put it down! Is that too difficult for you?)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Okay, maybe the last one is right, but the rest? I'll never admit to any of them.

Against My Better Judgement...

...I'm posting this. Why? Because I thought it was funny to see how women view things twist things to suit them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know....it never happened)

(If it's up, put it down! Is that too difficult for you?)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Okay, maybe the last one is right, but the rest? I'll never admit to any of them.

BTExpress 2007 Blogger Tour, First Stop

I decided that this fucking cold weather is getting to me so I'm taking a much needed vacation retirement is tough ya know. Dallas, Texas seemed like as good a place as any, so you can expect to see Lori and me wandering around Dallas from April 13-16. If y'all are in the area, let me know and maybe we can get together for a ho-down or what ever the fuck it is that Texans do for fun. Any suggestion?

BTExpress 2007 Blogger Tour, First Stop

I decided that this fucking cold weather is getting to me so I'm taking a much needed vacation retirement is tough ya know. Dallas, Texas seemed like as good a place as any, so you can expect to see Lori and me wandering around Dallas from April 13-16. If y'all are in the area, let me know and maybe we can get together for a ho-down or what ever the fuck it is that Texans do for fun. Any suggestion?

I Love Tyra Banks and Katharine McPhee!!!

Here's the first reason........




......and here's the second one.



I can't help admiring getting the hots for chicks groping each other and one that can get a room full of people to strip down to their underwear!

I Love Tyra Banks and Katharine McPhee!!!

Here's the first reason........




......and here's the second one.



I can't help admiring getting the hots for chicks groping each other and one that can get a room full of people to strip down to their underwear!

Nudist Rules in Effect This Weekend!

We're staying at Lori's place this weekend and clothing is optional! Her kids are spending the weekend with their dad, so we have to baby sit the dog and two cats.

Which is really a good thing.

It means that there is no chance anyone can pop in on us unannounced like at my place. I almost never know what my son's work schedule is, so I never know when to expect him.

Besides, it saves on laundry when your always naked.

Y'all have a great weekend!


PS
No, I didn't get my haircut. Kirian wasn't in again yesterday and today I've been holed up inside procrastinating and doing laundry.

Nudist Rules in Effect This Weekend!

We're staying at Lori's place this weekend and clothing is optional! Her kids are spending the weekend with their dad, so we have to baby sit the dog and two cats.

Which is really a good thing.

It means that there is no chance anyone can pop in on us unannounced like at my place. I almost never know what my son's work schedule is, so I never know when to expect him.

Besides, it saves on laundry when your always naked.

Y'all have a great weekend!


PS
No, I didn't get my haircut. Kirian wasn't in again yesterday and today I've been holed up inside procrastinating and doing laundry.

MY HAIRCUT UPDATE - HNT

My last haircut was five months ago in September. The one before that was ten months ago, last April. That was the haircut when that bastard scalped me. I knew a month ago that it was way past time for a haircut, but I just kept putting it off. Yesterday I'd finally had enough of the hair getting in my eyes, that I decided today was the day I'd finally get my haircut.

HERE'S THE BEFORE SHOT














It took some doing, but I worked up the courage to go see Kirian. First I "shit, showered and shaved" as they say in the military, and then got dressed in my finest regalia.

I put on my best-est sneakers and my sexiest jeans. Lori know the ones.

















I also put one one of my favorite tee shirts. I love this one. It took me many years to be proud of my service in Vietnam, but now I flaunt it every chance I get.










Once dressed, I took that long ass two mile drive to the barber shop to see Kirian for that much dreaded haircut. To my surprise, the place was packed. There's never more than one or two people waiting, but this time there were five people ahead of me, but no Kirian. There was just the lady that cut my hair the last time. I asked the lady when Kirian would be in. She told me he was off on Wednesdays, but would be in tomorrow at 11:00 AM.

Since she had done an acceptable job the last time she cut my locks, I decided to sit down and wait my turn. Also, I figured that since I did get all gussied up and made that long ass drive all the way to the barber shop, I'd just wait.

AND HERE'S THE AFTER
















What do you mean it looks like I didn't get my haircut?

Can't fool you, can I?

I didn't!

Let me explain.

Being in the barber shop started to get to me very soon after I sat down. The longer I sat there waiting, the more regretful I became.

I'd been there almost an entire minute when the tension finally got to me and I couldn't take being there any longer and decided I had to leave.

I left ran out the back door and went to my car.

Any bets on when I finally work up the courage to get my haircut.

TO BE CONTINUED
WHEN I FINALLY GET
MY HAIR CUT!

MY HAIRCUT UPDATE - HNT

My last haircut was five months ago in September. The one before that was ten months ago, last April. That was the haircut when that bastard scalped me. I knew a month ago that it was way past time for a haircut, but I just kept putting it off. Yesterday I'd finally had enough of the hair getting in my eyes, that I decided today was the day I'd finally get my haircut.

HERE'S THE BEFORE SHOT














It took some doing, but I worked up the courage to go see Kirian. First I "shit, showered and shaved" as they say in the military, and then got dressed in my finest regalia.

I put on my best-est sneakers and my sexiest jeans. Lori know the ones.

















I also put one one of my favorite tee shirts. I love this one. It took me many years to be proud of my service in Vietnam, but now I flaunt it every chance I get.










Once dressed, I took that long ass two mile drive to the barber shop to see Kirian for that much dreaded haircut. To my surprise, the place was packed. There's never more than one or two people waiting, but this time there were five people ahead of me, but no Kirian. There was just the lady that cut my hair the last time. I asked the lady when Kirian would be in. She told me he was off on Wednesdays, but would be in tomorrow at 11:00 AM.

Since she had done an acceptable job the last time she cut my locks, I decided to sit down and wait my turn. Also, I figured that since I did get all gussied up and made that long ass drive all the way to the barber shop, I'd just wait.

AND HERE'S THE AFTER
















What do you mean it looks like I didn't get my haircut?

Can't fool you, can I?

I didn't!

Let me explain.

Being in the barber shop started to get to me very soon after I sat down. The longer I sat there waiting, the more regretful I became.

I'd been there almost an entire minute when the tension finally got to me and I couldn't take being there any longer and decided I had to leave.

I left ran out the back door and went to my car.

Any bets on when I finally work up the courage to get my haircut.

TO BE CONTINUED
WHEN I FINALLY GET
MY HAIR CUT!

Over 30,000 Sold!

As of today, I've had over 30,000 of you horn dogs stop by my blog. Will wonders never cease?

		Page Loads	Unique Visitors	First Time Visitors	Returning Visitors
Total		41,420	30,270	17,378	12,892
Average		63	46	26	20

I started my blog on Saturday, April 23, 2005 at 3:53 PM and my first visitor stopped by two days later on April 25th. It was my friend Sarah from Political Crossfire Forum, a forum I helped moderate for a while.

Four days later I had my second visitor Lucky Pink. She and I still keep in touch through our blogs. Sarah doesn't blog much anymore, but once in a while she stops by and says hello.

It's been fun, thanks!!!!!

Over 30,000 Sold!

As of today, I've had over 30,000 of you horn dogs stop by my blog. Will wonders never cease?

		Page Loads	Unique Visitors	First Time Visitors	Returning Visitors
Total		41,420	30,270	17,378	12,892
Average		63	46	26	20

I started my blog on Saturday, April 23, 2005 at 3:53 PM and my first visitor stopped by two days later on April 25th. It was my friend Sarah from Political Crossfire Forum, a forum I helped moderate for a while.

Four days later I had my second visitor Lucky Pink. She and I still keep in touch through our blogs. Sarah doesn't blog much anymore, but once in a while she stops by and says hello.

It's been fun, thanks!!!!!

Holiday Inn Valentine's Day HNT

Holiday Inn Valentine's Day HNT

Happy Valentine's Day!

I've had my blog for almost two years now and have "met" many wonder people and made a lot of good friends. Thank you all for being there for me through the good times and the bad. This song's for you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I've had my blog for almost two years now and have "met" many wonder people and made a lot of good friends. Thank you all for being there for me through the good times and the bad. This song's for you.

RECIPE TIP # 842 - GET A FREE COOKBOOK

I was watching the Rachael Ray Show this morning and watched a segment with Kristin Davis & Mario Batali. They talked about a cookbook Mario, Giada De Laurentiis and Barilla pasta were involved in producing. The cookbook is a free download from Barilla's website and take it from 'Chef BTExpress', it's full of very good and very easy to make recipes. Get your free copy today! Here's how Barilla describes this on their website.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barilla teamed up with 10 Hollywood stars to create The Celebrity Pasta Lovers' Cookbook, which features recipes inspired by their favorite pasta dishes.

Barilla asked two of its favorite chefs, Giada De Laurentiis and Mario Batali, to take these favorites and create authentic Italian versions of the recipes that everyone can easily prepare and enjoy. And as an extra treat, Giada and Mario contributed their choice recipes as well!

The Celebrity Pasta Lovers' Cookbook is available here, free of charge, through February 2007. For each person who downloads a copy of the cookbook, Barilla will donate $1 to America's Second Harvest - The Nation's Food Bank Network, with a total donation up to $100,000. Barilla has been a supporter of America's Second Harvest since 1997, donating over 5 million pounds of pasta for distribution among more than 200 member food banks serving all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.

RECIPE TIP # 842 - GET A FREE COOKBOOK

I was watching the Rachael Ray Show this morning and watched a segment with Kristin Davis & Mario Batali. They talked about a cookbook Mario, Giada De Laurentiis and Barilla pasta were involved in producing. The cookbook is a free download from Barilla's website and take it from 'Chef BTExpress', it's full of very good and very easy to make recipes. Get your free copy today! Here's how Barilla describes this on their website.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barilla teamed up with 10 Hollywood stars to create The Celebrity Pasta Lovers' Cookbook, which features recipes inspired by their favorite pasta dishes.

Barilla asked two of its favorite chefs, Giada De Laurentiis and Mario Batali, to take these favorites and create authentic Italian versions of the recipes that everyone can easily prepare and enjoy. And as an extra treat, Giada and Mario contributed their choice recipes as well!

The Celebrity Pasta Lovers' Cookbook is available here, free of charge, through February 2007. For each person who downloads a copy of the cookbook, Barilla will donate $1 to America's Second Harvest - The Nation's Food Bank Network, with a total donation up to $100,000. Barilla has been a supporter of America's Second Harvest since 1997, donating over 5 million pounds of pasta for distribution among more than 200 member food banks serving all 50 states, the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico.