OUTDOOR PROJECT UPDATE #5 HNT

Nicely is an adjective I haven't use very much the last year when it came to this project. There's been delay after delay after delay and it does this horn dog's heart good to see things progressing nicely since my last update, FINALLY!

Last week, when I left you, the retaining wall was up. This is the side of the old deck that faces the lower patio on the back of the garage. Every time I'd look down there I saw the old concrete slab and the garbage pails. I didn't want to do that anymore.

What to do, what to do?




I know! Build a wall.









On this side of the old deck, I looked down at the foundation and weed covered rocks.


What to do, what to do?









I know! Build another wall!









In the upper right corner here, was just going be a railing. That's so boring, don't you think?

What to do, what to do?






I know! What do you think this is going to be?













That's right, and outdoor shower!

This is mainly there so people can shower off the chlorine and not trapes through my house to shower off like they have been doing for years.





Now it's time to put all that dirt back.









Shovel it in and pack it down.









You know, you can finally get a good idea what this things is going to look like when it's done.








We decided to put accent lighting around the outside of the retaining wall. See the small electrical boxes?








The lights will shine up on the landscaping at night. Should look really cool.













After standing back and looking at the OLD vinyl siding, it got me to thinking. It's going to look crappy against the new pool patio.

What to do, what to do?







I know, rip it all off!





What's this? The old cedar shakes! I can't leave them, now can we?





What to do, what to do?







I know! Rip them off too!









Yes, even on the back of the garage.

You can't leave the bare sheathing, now can we?

What to do, what to do?





Of course! You cover it with plastic house wrap!

This looks like crap, so we have to cover it with something, don't we?

What to do, what to do?





I guess your just going to have to wait to find out. Hehehehe!

While your waiting, how about some of my home made Greek pizza?

HAPPY OUTDOOR PROJECT
UPDATE #5 HNT

My Outdoor Project is Going to Be Famous!

Techo-Bloc, the paver manufacturer, asked if they could take pictures of the project for their catalog and advertising when I'm done. I told the contractor, "Only if I can get a break on the price." He called me back yesterday to tell me they agreed and will give me $2,000 off. Now the stone will only cost me $8,200. Only??? Ya, right. Still, excellent news.

This is what I picked out.


The inspector came this morning to look at the retaining wall. He said he knocked on the door, but almost left when I didn't answer the door. RING THE FRIGGING DOOR BELL!!!!! THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE MADE FOR!!!!!

The owner of the company doing the work, Dennis, was in the back instructing the workman what he wanted done today when the inspector came. The whole inspection process is bull shit. They inspector barely checks anything and both time, only in one spot, the same spot. How does he know that the rest of the work is to code if he doesn't at least walk around the project. He also questioned how close the wall is to the property line. NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO ASK THAT QUESTION! BESIDES, I ALREADY WENT OVER THAT WITH YOU ON YOUR FIRST TRIP! I gave him another copy of the survey to comfort him. HE DUDE! THERE ARE MULTIPLE COPIES IN MY FILE. DID YOU THINK TO LOOK THERE? Anyway, he gave the approval to proceed.

I HAVE A RETAINING WALL HNT!

I started this project a year ago and I finally have a retaining wall! WooHoo!!!!!!!!!!

Three days ago they started laying the cement blocks for the wall.Bring in the blocks! Pallet after pallet of cement blocks. They had to get more, so I figure 900, give or take a bunch.






Ya gotta have some on the other side of the house, don't you?








You also need cement and a cement mixer.








First you lay out the corner blocks. This took quite a while. If they aren't exactly right, the entire wall is off. I don't want the wall off a centimeter!

Don't worry, they got it right.

Lori, this is for you baby. I know how much you like man ass.
Yes, I took it just for you baby. ;-)

The second day they sent over four masons and four helpers. They managed to get up 3/4 of the wall. Grumpy here never stopped bitching the entire day, but you know what? That 60+ year old man can put out a lot of work.





MORE BLOCKS! WE NEED MORE BLOCKS!









As they built the wall, they filled the spaces in the blocks with cement. It's going to be almost a solid cement wall.








Things are really moving along by now.














As they put up the wall, they installed drains through the wall. We can't have rain water filling up the space between the pool wall and the retaining wall, now can we?

Of course not.

Besides, it's code.



Here's one of those little buggers. Isn't it cute sticking out there like that? ;-)








After most of the wall was built, the perforated drainage pipes started to be installed. First the aggregate (crushed rock) was laid next to the wall. It drains a hell of a lot better than dirt.






The drainage pipes were covered with plastic sleeve to keep the dirt out.








Then they were dropped next to the bottom of the wall.

Friday the building inspector comes. If he gives me the ok, (HE FUCKING BETTER!!!!!) we will move on to the next step.

FIRST, IT'S TIME TO TOAST MY WALL!

With you know what? A gin & tonic!!!!

If you look close, you can see I'm wearing a tee shirt the owner of Shells Only (the contractor) gave me. It's the least he could do for all the frigging money I'm giving him.

HAPPY RETAINING WALL HNT!!!!!!!

OUTDOOR PROJECT UPDATE #4

A week ago last Tuesday, they finished building the forms for the retaining wall.

Hey! I just realized that was May 5th, the day I was discharged from the army, 39 years ago.

The town initially scheduled the inspector to come last Tuesday, but the regular inspector didn't feel he was qualified to inspect a retaining wall around a swimming pool, so he kicked the job upstairs to engineering. They scheduled an engineer to come Wednesday morning, but he went to the wrong house and went back to the office figuring I was a no show. I called town hall and spoke to him and explained his mistake, so he came Thursday morning. The cement company was busy on Friday, so came first thing this morning to pump the cement to the forms in my back yard. From set up to clean up took only 1 1/2 hours.

Monday they are suppose to brick up two of my basement windows and start the wall. Gene, the construction foreman for the company, wants to make the wall out of poured concrete like the footing, instead of concrete block they originally planned. He said making it out of poured cement will be more expensive, but that will save them a lot of labor and take less time. Lugging 800 concrete blocks to my back yard and mixing countless batches of cement to hold them will together is a lot of frigging work. He's going to talk to the owner. Either way, they will be back Monday.

Here's a couple of shots of the form pre-pour.













Here's the cement truck and the pump truck that pumped the cement.








The cement came down the shoot and into a large bin with the pump. The driver of the pump truck had a remote control that controlled the flow of cement. Pretty cool.







They laid out pipes all along the trench and slowly pumped it in while spreading it evenly.







Here some shots of the finished footing.
























They piled the dirt up against the windows again and I had them remove it. Last heavy rain flooded my basement. Gene is sending someone over next week to clean up the mess.

I COULD JUST SCREAM HNT!!!!!!!!!!

The building inspector really pisses me off. Read the rest of the story to find out how I know he's not the sharpest tack in the box,
BY A LONG SHOT!!!!

The building inspector was supposed to come to my house at 1:30 today to inspect the forms for the retaining wall footing around my pool. He didn't show by 3:00, so I called town hall. The secretary called him and he called me right back. The conversation went something like this.

He says, "I was there at 1:30 and knocked, but no one answered the door. So I went around back and saw a retaining wall."

"I've been here all day. I don't have a retaining wall, I'm building a retaining wall. All I have so far are the trenches fir the footings."

"I thought it was strange that the wall was already built. You live in a blue house with a boat on a trailer in the driveway, right?"

"No, my house is beige and there is a black car and a dumpster in the driveway."

"Well I saw a blue boat on a trailer in the driveway."

"My next door neighbor has a gray & white boat in the driveway and it's up on blocks. I'm standing in the street and there isn't another boat in any driveway on the block. Are you sure you had the right street?"

"Yes, you live on Northgate Dr. It’s off of Elm on a dead end street."

"No, I live on Norgate Dr and it's not a dead end street."

"The block is really short, right?"

"No, it's a decent size. You sure you had the right street."

"Positive. The odd numbered houses are on the left and even on the right."

"Yes."

"#11 is right across the street."

"No, there is no #11 on my block."

"I saw an old couple across the street walking up their driveway, he has a gray beard."

"Nope across the street from my house. You have to of had the wrong house."

"I'm sorry, I apologize. I'll be there first thing tomorrow morning. I leave the office at 9:00, so will be there by 9:30. Okay?"

"That's fine. I'll see you first thing. But do me a favor and call me if you have any trouble finding my house, okay?"

"Yes, I have your number."

"Thanks."

Note to readers: I could have gotten angry and yelled at him, but I'm too mellow of a guy for that. I figure I'll life longer if I take things in stride. It's already been 10 months trying to get this project going, so what's another couple of days?

Besides, he probably feels like the idiot he is and won't be so picky when he does his inspections of the project, I hope.

I WANT MY FRIGGING RETAINING WALL AND POOL PATIO BUILT!!!!!!!!

UN-HAPPY HNT!

Edit: The inspector showed up this morning, a half hour early. The whole inspection took less than five minutes. He apologized and told me he went to the wrong house yesterday, three houses up the street. They have a pool, but no retaining wall. Couldn't he figure out that he just might be at the wrong address? Then we walked around back and measured the form in one place and looked that the rebar. Then told me it looked too close to the fence. I pointed at the survey stakes on the other side of the fence. He didn't measure, just looked, said okay and it was alright to pour the cement. He didn't even look at the whole form, just what he could see from where we were standing in the yard. Too much trouble to walk around the house I guess. He apologized a million times and left. Told me to call when the walls are up for another inspection.

I love this doctor!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. In addition, what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans!!! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the mothers out there!

Can't a guy have a little privacy?

Close the door on your way out.

Have a nice HNT

I like Adrianne Curry more and more each day.

I've been following Adrianne Curry on MySpace for quite a while now. If you don't know her, she was the winner of season one on America's Top Mode, has a couple of nude spreads in Playboy and is married to Christopher Knight, one of the Brady Bunch kids. She's really a very funny, down to earth girl and posts on her MySpace blog pretty much daily.

I was encouraged to set up a Twitter account, so earlier this week I did. I saw a message exchange by Perez Hilton and Adrianne Curry, so I follow along. Perez posts message about Miss California USA and pointing out how shitty her boob job was.

Adrianne replies to Perez. “Yeah, they don't have the slope natural boobs do.”

I couldn’t resist, so jump in and reply to Adriane. “I agree, I've never seen a pair of fake boobs I liked.”

She replies to me with this. "I have. My doctor gave me the most natural boobs. I have women in the gym ask if they are real while I am walking around naked."

Of course I immediately Google her Playboy pictures to look for myself and then I reply with this. "I just looked at the Playboy pictures and they do look good. I've finally seen I've seen a pair I liked."

I know, I’m bad. LOL

I didn’t get a reply, so later I checked her Twitter page. She stopped Twittering four hours ago and my reply was the last message. She has a lot of celebrity Twitter friends that were probably wondering "Who the fuck is this Tony guy she's talking with about her boobs?”

My first cybersex celebrity chat. Okay, maybe not cybersex, but I’ll take it. LOL