This is crazy!

I found this on Hot Momma Drama's blog. Someone auctioned off half a bottle of water on eBay, that Britney Spears drank from, and got $495. 80 idiots placed bids. Click here for the link to eBay.


OUR AUCTION IS SIMPLE. MY BEST FRIEND WORKS AT UCLA MEDICAL CENTER IN L.A. HE WAS SO EXCITED TO TELL ME THAT HE GOT BRITANY'S HALF CONSUMED BOTTLED WATER AFTER SHE WAS ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL. SHE LEFT IT RIGHT ON THE COUNTER WHERE HE WAS WATCHING THE POP DIVA GET ADMITTED. AFTER SHE WAS TAKEN INTO HER SURGERY ROOM, HE DECIDED WHY NOT GRAB THE WATER BOTTLE! SO HE DID. THE REST IS HISTORY! WE NOW OWN A HALF CONSUMED BOTTLED WATER THAT HAS TOUCHED THE POP DIVA'S LIPS. AFTER HOURS OF LAUGHING ABOUT IT AND DECIDING WHAT TO DO WITH IT, WE HAVE DECIDED TO SELL THE WATER BOTTLE ON EBAY. I MEAN IT WAS GOING TO END UP IN THE TRASH ANYWAY! SO WHY NOT LET A HUGE FAN BUY IT. GOODLUCK BIDDING.

OH NO!!!

I checked StatCounter just now and saw that I had a visitor to my blog from the small town I live in. Well, it does have over 17,000 people, so it's not that small, but small enough that there is a good chance they actually know me. They only viewed two posts, so they don't know much about my posts yet. I may just have to clean up my act now so my neighbors don't think I'm a pervert. Please tell me what you think or vote on the poll.

Thank you,
The Blog Administrator

Should I clean up my posts?

Give your opinion Yes No I don't give a shit what you do! Other: Please explain.

Current results

This week’s HNT pictures are of my eyes. Laura old me how blue they looked yesterday, which made me feel good, so I thought I would show you my eyes this week. (Laura is an assembler where I work)

What ever, here are my eyes. The Evil right eye and the Shifty left eye. It’s a long story so please don’t ask. They hate it when I talk about them.

I got a new monitor today!

I now have a 19 inch Samsung SyncMaster 913V LCD monitor. It came today. What a deal. $304.99 with free shipping, no tax and a fucking $20 rebate, from BUY.com. It is so worth it. You so have to get one.

OMFG, I can't believe how different it is from my 17 inch HP monitor. Everything looks so much larger, and the detail, OMFG!

You will never believe how life like boobs and "STUFF" on the porno sites and Newsgroups, look now. This is so fucking GREAT!!!!

Yeah, yeah, I'm I Horn Dog. I know, what can I say?

Karina

Karina is Barbara's new Home Health Aide. She is working out very well. When I came home from work yesterday, I got a nice surprise. I saw the laundry basket in the hall had been emptied. I knew there was only one way that would have gotten done, was if Karina did it. When I went into the bedroom to say hello to Barbara, I saw the the other basket full of clean clothes. Nice to see that, that's for sure. Now I don't have to do it.

I really didn't know if she was going to do all of the laundry because the basket has been filling since Tuesday and was full when I left this morning. Karina is only responsible for doing Barbara's laundry, but I don't think she understood her supervisor's instruction when she told her she had to do the laundry. The part about just Barbara's probably went over her head due to the language difficulty. :-)

It's not easy communicating with Karina, because she doesn't speak very much English. Actually 'very much' is probably an understatement. Most of her answers are one word. Usually the first time I say something to her she gives me a puzzled look. Like yesterday. I told her "Nancy from Apex labs is coming today to draw blood from Barbara". (She has a blood test almost every week to monitor the levels of certain things in her blood.) Karina gave me this very puzzled look. Finally I made a motion like someone was drawing blood from my arm a few times and kept repeating blood. I could tell she when she finally understood because her eyes brightened and she giggled with a nod.

Just an FYI, I still can't tell if she has a hot body or not. All she wears are those baggy outfits like in the picture above. They are pretty loose on her too, because she is so tiny. But that's okay, as long as she does our laundry and keeps cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, I'll just have to use my imagination to get me through. ;-)

Fan Appreciation Post

I really appreciate all the nice things you’ve been saying about my posts. I really didn't know what direction this blog was going when I started it in April. Actually, I have no idea were it will go from here. I just play it be ear as I go along. Thank you.

This week especially, there were some very moving comments on my HNT post. I really appreciate your wishes, prayers, compassion and concern for our situation. It has been about 28 months since Barbara was diagnosed with the brain cancer and I have no idea how much longer she will fight it. Just when I think she is close, she surprises me. Like yesterday, she was talking up a storm, for her anyway. She talked to her mother on the phone, which I'm sure picked her up. Then when I got home from grocery shopping at 7:00, the Hospice volunteer told me about the conversations they were having.

Next, Barbara asked me if I remembered to buy chocolate pudding. (yes I did) I really was sort of shocked at that comment. She really hasn't spoken more than a few words for about a week before that. Today she is also pretty alert. She is really fighting this thing and just doesn't want to give up. Truthfully, if I was in her position, I'd have quit a long time ago, but that's just me.

Now about my scar Bug, if you liked Bug, just wait until you see some other scars I have, I got a million of 'em! (Well, maybe not a million, but a lot.) They will get more and more gross so be prepared. You may actually skeeve out when you see the one I call the “Grand Canyon". Getting blown up has a tendency to cause quite a bit of damage to one’s body. The bright side is that I came away from that, with all my vital "stuff" in tack.

Thanks again for being so nice. :-)

BTW, I finally posted responses to your comments yesterday about Bug if your interested.

Wow, HNT Already!

This week’s HNT picture is of one of my many scars. I know I am supposed to give you a little humorous story about it, but that’s really isn't possible in this case.

As some of you know, I was wounded in Vietnam. I was an infantryman and my primarily responsibility was to hump ammunition for the M-60 machine gunner. Not a great job because I carried about 75 pounds of M-60 ammo in addition to my normal load of ammo for my M-16, hand grenades, canteens of water, C-rations, etc.

The night I was wounded, my squad of ten grunts was on our way to set up a night ambush. Every night a squad from our company was sent out to do this. To make a long story short, a bad guy set off a homemade claymore mine on our way to the ambush site. It was quite effective, because it wounded 7 out of the 10 of us. I was in the middle of the group, so I bared the brunt and received 35 multiple fragment wounds, literally from head to toe.

It took something like 600 stitches to close all my wounds. I spent over 2 months in multiple hospitals recovering and have numerous scars all over my body. Hey, but the bright side was it got me out of Vietnam after only 1 month and two days? In addition, almost none of the scars show when I’m clothed and I didn’t die. See there is a bright side to this story.

Well, today I am going to show you one of the least disgusting of my scars. This one I call “Bug”. I know it’s weird that I’ve named some of my scars, but live with it.


Since you may not have been able to make out Bug in the first picture so I have outlined it in this one.


As a side note, where did all those freckles come from? I swear, I didn't have that many before I took this picture. I think I'd better get my glasses checked.

I thought we all could use a change of pace.

Wet yet?

Barbara has a new Caregiver

Remember yesterday I told you a new caregiver for Barbara was going to start today?

Do you remember what I was hoping for?

I said I hoped she would be a "hot, sassy little Latin cutie".

What did I get?


I got a "hot little Latin cutie". :)

I have no idea if she is sassy because she doesn't speak very much English to find out. But who the fuck cares if she speaks English? Not me that's for sure. We'll get by.

She is about 25 and petite, about 5' nothing and can't weight over 100 lbs. She is the cutest little thing you've ever seen and she giggles a lot, which makes her even cuter. I can tell she is thin, but she wears these baggy nurse type outfits so I don't know what her body looks like, YET.

The best part (yes, the best part, I'm not completely obsessed with boobs, naked bodies, sex, bare shoulders, mini skirts....STOP....I'd better stop here before I need some alone time) is that she can handle my wife who is no light weight that's for sure. Barbara doesn't get out of bed anymore so that makes it easier for someone to handle and also easier to find someone to take care of her. The agency says she is reliable and shows up on time everyday. That would be great.

Charity Book Auction

I saw a post on ArmyWifeToddlerMom's blog about an charity autographed book auction on e-bay someone had set up to help raise money for, what I think, is a very worthwhile cause, Soldiers Angels. I copied a little of her post to give you an idea what this is all about. I thought since so many of you are "book readers", you may want the opportunity to get an autographed copy of some smut, in layman's terms, romance novels. One of the books is going for $510 so this stuff must be good. Here's her post.


When hurricane Katrina struck, Suzanne, really wanted to DO something to benefit our Military men and women. So she graciously put together an auction on e-bay. Several of her friends are also writers, and they have donated signed copies of their books for auction. Suzanne Brockman, a New York Times best-seller, offered one of her books as well. All proceeds are going to Soldiers Angels. I think Suzanne did a great job on this, so go over and do some Christmas shopping for your girlfriend that needs a little romance PLEASE!!! Proceeds are for our guys an gals!!!!

I have to get a new caregiver

Sylvia, Barbara's caregiver, came very late this morning, AGAIN, and didn't call to tell either her agency or me she would be late. One day last week she didn't even show up or call. The agency finally got in touch with her at 2:30. Her excuse, "I couldn't get a baby sitter." Today's reason was she had to drop off some papers at her daughters school.

This is what I wanted to say to her this morning when she finally showed.

Boo fucking hoo! That's your problem, not mine. You have a job to do, and that's to take care of Barbara while I go to work. If your going to be late, or miss a day, fucking call! You just can not show up! If you give the agency a reasonable notice, they can get a sub. Don't leave me sitting by wondering where the fuck you are! Understand!

Obviously, I spoke to her and so did the agency. Not like that, but the same point was made very clear. So today when she didn't show I called that agency and ask them to get a replacement.

This really sucks too. Sylvia was a great caregiver. She did an excellent job taking care of Barbara and the house. She did much more than she is paid to do. For her lousy $10.25 /hour, besides taking care of Barbara, she did everyone's laundry and folded it, all I had to do was put it away. She cleaned the entire house, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher and took out the garbage each day. I could not ask for more. EXCEPT FOR HER TO SHOW THE FUCK UP!

But you know, she was going to leave on her own soon anyway, so this just makes it sooner. Her husband is making her move to North Carolina. He can't afford the expense of living here on Long Island. She was just waiting for the closing to go through on her house, and then she was moving.

And you want to know why her husband wants to leave? Fucking taxes! The property taxes on my little 1,200 sq ft ranch, on less than a 1/4 acre, are just under $10,000. Hey, I know that's not very much compared to y'all, but that's just the way it is. Some areas have high taxes, and some don't. I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones. ;)

Oh well, I've been through my share of caregivers in the last two years and the next one probably won't be my last.

And you know, maybe I'll get lucky and this one will be a hot, sassy little Latin cutie like Joannie was (she was caregiver number 2). She was very pretty and had a damn fine ass. She was lacking in the boob department, but the ass made up for it. I'll let you know how this one is.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a slut. What can I say? I enjoy looking at women. I don't get to touch any of them, but I'll take what I can get. ;)

Tag, I'm it!

I was tagged again. This time by Roximoon. I am very open with my life, so this is going to start off pretty depressing, but that changes, so keep reading if you don't get too bored.

7 things I want to do before I die....(in order)
1. Sell my boat (anyone want to by it?)
2. See the end of my wife's illness (read my first post and you'll understand)
3. See my mother, sister and step-mother again (that has to wait until #2 happens and I can travel)
4. See my son settled and on his own (I've already decide he can stay with me as long as he wants to, because I'd hate being alone) (but, I know it's inevitable)
5. Move (to get away from the people that have abandoned us since my wife became ill) (but not until #2 & 4 happens)
6. Have sex with a woman, again. (But not for a while after #2 happens) (it's been about 3 years and I miss it)
7. Go scuba diving again (I've had my license for over 30 years, but don't get to do it anymore) (don't get to do very much of anything anymore)

7 things I can do....
1. Fix things (I can fix pretty much anything around the house or on my boat) (but if I can't fix it, I know how to buy a new one)
2. Grow things (I inherited my father's green thumb)
3. Cook well (I taught myself after my wife became ill and have become pretty good at it)
4. Sew (my mom made me learn how when I was growing up)
5. Back my boat into a boat slip in the wind (if you ever tried it, you'd know it's not very easy to do)
6. Provide a good shoulder to lean on (I once was told by a therapist that I should become one)
7. Make people laugh (it's nice to be able to make people happy)

7 things I can't do....
1. Bake things from scratch (not big on sweets or deserts, so I haven't learned how to do that)
2. Type with more than two fingers (but I can do that pretty fast, for two fingers that is)
3. Run real fast (but I can run far) (when I was in shape, I used to run 5 miles a day and not be very tired when I was done) (never tried running farther, so I don't know how far I could have run)
4. Stop looking at women (I've had my hand slapped a few time by my wife over the years for being too obvious) (but that's as far as it goes, I've always been very faithful to her)
5. Get away from a computer very long (I spend a lot of time at work on one, and when I'm home, that's about all I do anymore)
6. Stop biting my finger nails (yeah, I know it's a bad habit)
7. Stop procrastinating (my worst habit)

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex...
1. A smile (everyone looks good when they smile)
2. Eyes (the kind that can see into your soul)
3. Sense of humor (a little sarcastic and on the dirty side)
4. Boobs (any shape or size, I'm not fussy) (and yes, I'm shallow)
5. Bare legs (especially in mini skirts and short shorts
6. Nice ass (yes, still shallow)
7. Any woman wearing a tank top (I love bare shoulders)

7 celebrity crushes....
1. Dana Delany
2. Sofia Milos
3. Reba McEntire
4. Marg Helgenberger
5. Teri Hatcher
6. Shania Twain
7. Jennifer Love Hewitt (I know she's young, but she is so sexy)


I'm not going to tag anyone because I think everyone I know has been tagged, but if you've been missed, tag yourself and let me know.

Google Earth

I don't know how many of you haven't seen this yet, but if you haven't, download it now. None of the other programs I've used, even comes close to the details you see for about any area on the earths surface.

Geeze, and you thought all those gazillions of trillions of billions dollars we spent putting satellites in orbit was a waste of money.

You can get here...Google Earth

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday

It was Barbara's 50th birthday weekend (same weekend that the shot of
my moon was taken). We were where we always were on weekends in the summer, at Watch Hill on Fire Island on the our boat. The air conditioning water pump shut down because the water intake under the boat, got clogged with eel grass (sort of a sea weed for those not familiar with the bottom of the Great South Bay. Nothing to do except go in the water and clean it.


The bottom between the boats is mostly mud and muck and really disgusting. So when I was done, I had to take a shower. Barbara (that's her in the picture) wouldn't let me in the boat all muddy and mucky so I took the shower on the swim platform on the back of the boat. There's a faucet in the back of the boat with hot and cold water, where a hand shower attaches, so it wasn't bad. My sister-in-law saw a photo op and got me with shower head in my bathing suit rinsing off my, uh, privates in this one. I was so embarrassed. ;)

OMFG, where is this ladies head at?

This is exactly what I thought when I heard this. Barbara Bush paid a visit to the Houston Astrodome to visit the Katrina survivors. These are her thoughts after her visit.

I give you, Barbara Bush.


BTW, I saw this here.

Dorky Tuesday

So, it's Dorky Tuesday already?


This was my cousin and me in 1965 when I was 16 years old. Notice the Vaseline soaked hair, all slicked back into a DA, pants as tight and as short as I could find and the pointy toe shoes.

She has her arm around me to keep me from running away, because I hated having my picture taken.





This one is of me at my new assignment, the 6th Armored Cavalry Regiment at Ft Meade MD, after about three months in the hospital after being wounded in Vietnam. I was trying to look cool so I leaned on the bunk. When I saw the picture, I could tell that pose didn't make me look cool.


You to can find out more about Dorky Tuesday and join the humiliation here.

What an ass I am

I just deleted all of my Flickr pictures. I was try to reorganize them and misinterpreted the instructions. I was going to delete one picture, but wound up keeping the one I wanted to delete, and deleting all the rest instead. What an ass I am.

Does anyone want to give me a good spanking to teach me a lesson? ;)

Housing Opportunities For Katrina Survivors

I received an email today from Vietnam War Records and AAVET asking for help in spreading the word about a web site launched listing available free housing for victims of hurricane Katrina. Please read this, visit the web site and help spread the word. Thank you.



Young Web Designers Launch New Website to Help Hurricane Katrina Victims Find Emergency Housing

Moved by the devastation and homelessness facing thousands of Americans displaced by Katrina, many people have logged online to offer shelter to hurricane survivors. Now three young Web designers have launched a new website, katrinahousing.org , to organize these housing offers in one easy-to-find place.

“There are thousands of people who need housing -- and thousands of people who want to help,” said Joel Otterstrom, the Provo, UT, web designer who launched the site. “Katrinahousing.org will allow those people to find one another.”

Before katrinahousing.org , few options existed for people who wanted to offer temporary housing to refugees. Craig’s List, the popular Internet site used around the world for finding homes, jobs, dates and miscellaneous merchandise, had posted thousands of offers on its pages. But no way existed for people to sort through the online postings to find the offers that specifically met their needs.

Otterstrom’s site addresses that problem. On katrinahousing.org , people offering housing provide their zip codes, the number of people they can accommodate, how long space is available, and whether pets, smokers or children are allowed. Refugees can then zero in quickly on the factors that interest them. Like Craig’s List, katrinahousing.org is dedicated to helping people connect with one another and does not verify the information posted.

The site was started by 29-year-old Otterstrom and his Web design business partners – Eran Greenberg , 30, and John Peterson, 31. While watching news of the hurricane’s devastation, Otterstrom desperately wanted to help the people in the Gulf Coast. His sister suggested that he look at Craig’s List, where people were offering temporary housing. Recognizing that Craig’s List was not designed to organize this type of information, Otterstrom decided to create a site that could.

By 1 a.m. Wednesday, Otterstrom and his partners had purchased a domain name and built katrinahousing.org . Craig’s List and homeflood.org, another website that had been taking information, are working together to consolidate their lists on katrinahousing.org’s site.

Unfortunately, many people in need of housing are not aware of what’s available to them. “The Red Cross and other agencies are so overwhelmed, they’re not able to get these lists out there, even to people who have already left New Orleans,” Otterstrom says.

He hopes that volunteers will print the Web site’s list of housing offers and distribute them to shelters. He wants everyone who wishes to accommodate refugees in their homes to know they can do so at katrinahousing.org .

Eran Greenberg (support@mytechsupport.com)
(office) 801.373.1299, (home) 801.377.0733

I may be wrong...

…but it seems to me, that most of the bloggers that discuss their sexual relationships, or have sexually orientated blogs, are women? (Not that I frequent sexually orientated blogs mind you, well, not very often anyway.)

It seems like very few men discuss their sexual relationships as openly as women do. The exceptions do seem to be when their wives also discuss it openly.

Are most men satisfied with their sex lives? (I doubt that.)

Do their partners satisfy their every sexual need? (I doubt that too.)

Is it because women are hornier than men are, or men don’t give them what they need?

Or maybe men are just more inhibited?

Why do you think that is? Or am I wrong?

Socks

I received such nice compliments about part of my left sock yesterday, I decided to show you both of them in their full glory. I'm not showing any skin, so I don't feel it is a violation of the HNT rules.

So here you go sock lovers, BTE's socks.




Hehe, I sexed it up a little by showing you the left one's reflection in the mirror. I didn't go overboard, did I?

Ahhhh, memories...........

MICKEY MOUSE CLUB




Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me?
M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E!
Hey there, hi there, ho there, you're as welcome as can be.
M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E!
Mickey Mouse! (Donald Duck!) Mickey Mouse! (Donald Duck!)
Forever let us hold his banner high, high, HIGH, HIGH!!
Come along and sing the song and join the jamboree.
M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E!
He's our favorite Mouseketeer, we know you will agree.
M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E!
Take some fun and mix in love, our happy recipe.
M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E!
M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E!


This was one of my favorite TV shows when I was a child. (Yes, they had TV when I was a child.) Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

The Sevens...

Lucky Pink tagged me so here goes.

7 things I bet you don’t know about Amber:
1. Her first blog post was February 10, 2004
2. She thinks her booty is finer than J-Lo's
3. She likes playing black jack
4. She has an extensive history of traffic violations
5. She once had 40 pair of panties
6. She likes the bathrooms in Clearwater
7. She used to be in musicals

7 things I have never done and may never do:
1. Drive a motorcycle
2. Sky dive
3. Rock climbing
4. Have sex with two girls at the same time
5. Stop thinking about having sex with two girls at the same time
6. Own my own business
7. Hit a hole-in-one

7 things I did not do this weekend:
1. Pay the bills
2. Put away the laundry
3. Have sex
4. Go outside
5. Sell my boat
6. Cook
7. Answer the telephone

7 times I have almost died or was seriously injured:
1. The time I fell off my sled and woke up in the hospital with a concussion and a bloody mess for a face
2. The time we were hit broadside on the passenger side with me in the passenger seat
3. The time I was in a seven-car accident and my car was sandwiched between two trucks
4. The time a guy walked up to the car I was in, and stuck a gun against the window right at my face
5. During the nightly mortar and rocket attacks on our base in Vietnam
6. The time I was wounded in Vietnam
7. The time our plane made an emergency landing in Barbados with an engine on fire

7 bloggees I tag and HOPE will do their own sevens:
Since it seems everyone is getting tagged, I will leave it up to you to tag yourself

I Finally Got “Lucky”

Wait till you here this, I had two women touching my private parts yesterday. TWO FUCKING WOMEN WERE TOUCHING ME IN MY MOST PRIVATE AREA. HOT DAMN, I GOT LUCKY. I am not shitting you, it really happened. Yeah, I know I’m married, but it’s been three years since anyone has touched my dick, other than me, so as far as I was concerned, I was going to let it happen. Oh man, two chicks actually taking turns.

No, I wasn’t cheating on my wife, I was having a polyp removed from between my ass and balls. During the initial examination and procedure, they had to move my package to get to the polyp, but they still touched it, so it still counts, right?

I had a doctor’s appointment at the local VA Hospital to have this little thing removed from between my legs and it just so happens, that both the doctor and nurse were women. As far as that goes, the doctor I saw last week who diagnosed it, was also a young lady. She was a resident from a local university. They come to the VA Hospital once a week to help out.

I go into the hospital yesterday and go up to Unit 23. The guy at the desk tells me to sit in the Patient Lounge and someone will come and get me. I go into the lounge and wait.

About ten minutes later a very good-looking petite young lady walks into the lounge and asks for me. She introduces herself as Dr, O’Hara. “Let me explain what we are going to do. I’m going to numb the area with a local, and cut the thing off. The complications could be infection and bleeding. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Sign here.”

Whatever, all I know is that this very good looking young lady, nice body and about 5’ tall, with the cutest little accent, and she is my doctor, nothing else matters, so I’ll risk it. I’m thinking, what’s the worst that could happen, I bleed to death or get an infection and die.” No problem, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. So I sign the consent form.

We walk across the hall to a small room. In the room, there’s a not too bad looking nurse, somewhat older than Dr. Cutie, but still younger than me. She takes my blood pressure and such. The cute little doctor finishes setting up, turns and asks me to take off my pants. (I am never one to refuse any woman that asks be to get nekkid. Modesty be damned, off with the pants and briefs, jockey style, and I lay down on the table.

Now it dawns on me that I am naked from the waist down, in front of two women I don’t know, but that doesn’t bother me at all. But I do wonder what they’ll think when they look at “IT”. I don’t really want to know, so I tare at the ceiling so can’t see their face. I really don’t want to know if they laughing at “IT” or not.

Dr. Cutie tells me to spread my legs so she can take a look. I comply, giving here a full view. (Now here is where the touching starts) She lifts my balls out of the way and I hear the nurse and her discussing the process, you know medical shit and stuff.

Now Dr. Cutie removes her hand from my balls and asks the nurse to hold them out of the way. The nurse grabs them, but in a very different way. A way where her hand is laying right on my dick. O’boy, now a woman has got the whole package in her hand and her hand is on my dick, well most of it, there was a little over flow if you get my drift.

The nurse says, “This is going to be cold and wet.”

I look to the side and see Dr. Cutie take a clamp with some gauge pads dipped in that brown liquid that sanitizes shit. I feel her rubbing the area under my balls. She was right, it is cold and wet, but it also feels kind of good. She does it again. Felt good again.

Now I start thinking. I have one woman holding my package in her hand and the other rubbing me, an erection would not be good at this time. That thought quickly passed, because now I see Dr. Dominatrix holding up this rather large syringe, with a needle about three inches long. Then I see the nurse holding a bottle of stuff. (Point of information here, all sexual related thoughts, and my fear of getting an erection, just left my mind)

“Couldn’t you find a bigger needle?” I said.

They both laugh the kind of laugh, the kind of laugh evil people have when the torture is about to begin.

“Oh, that whole thing won’t be going in you, just the tip, but it's going to sting, A LOT!”

WTF does a lot mean? Now I’m starting to get worried, but keep my cool.

“I’m going to numb you and you’ll feel a burning sensation.” Dr. Dominatrix says. Bam, the evil doctor plunges the spike into me. I jump a little.

“You alright?” she says.

“I’m, uh, fine.” (Like hell, it burns like a motherfucker)

“Are you sure? You seem to be clinching your hands awfully tight.”

“No, I’m fine.” I say as all sensation leaves my hands from gripping them so tighly.

“Okay. I one more.” Bam! The evil Dr. Dominatrix plunges the spike into me once more.

Now I’m thinking, is there no mercy for a poor veteran of a war? Haven’t I been through enough? Why me, oh why me?

“You okay?”

“Oooooooo, I’m fine.” I say as my breathing rapidly increases. This fucking hurts. Sting a little my ass.

The stabbing, burning pain subsides in a minute or so, and I feel Dr. Evil rummaging around down there. All I feel at this point is pressure sensations where the cutting must be going on by now. Nothing hurts, which is good as far as I’m concerned, so I relax and breath normally once again. My pulse decreases to just slightly above normal, for a rat that is.

Then I smelled something burning. The smell of hair burning, in addition to the smell of burning human flesh .

I’m thinking WTF are they doing now, branding me with Dr. Evil’s initials like they do with fucking cattle out west. WTF are they doing?

“What’s burning?” I calmly ask.

“You.” the sadistic nurse replies with an evil sounding cackle.

Dr. Evil giggles, and says, “Maybe you could have phrased that a little different so the patient doesn’t get upset?”

Now I’m thinking, upset, who me? Why the fuck would I be upset? Why? You lull me into a false sense of security with your hot little body and cute accent, and then plunge sharp objects that burn like hell into me, and now you’re branding me very close to the most sensitive parts of my body like they do to with cattle. Why should I get upset?

I say in calm voice so as not to get Dr. Evil nervous and cause her to slip with the branding iron and burn my dick, “No, I’m not upset, but what are you doing?”

“There’s some bleeding that won’t stop, so we are corterizing it to try and stop it.”

Try, WTF do you mean try? Make it stop! Your a fucking doctor, right? Get the bleeding to fucking stop. Oh great, now here’s where I bleed to death just like Dr. Evil warned me could happen. So that’s why she forced me to sign my life away, the evil bitch. Why oh why did I listen to her, why?

“I think we got it? The evil doctor says. "It’s just oozing a little. But it should stop soon. If it doesn’t, just come back in to the Emergency Room and we’ll corterize it again.”

WTF do you mean you THINK you got it? I can see it all now, I leave here, oozing blood from my vast wound. The bleeding doesn’t stop, so I have to turn around and make the 45 minute drive back, and all the while I’m getting weaker and weaker from lose of blood. Then I pass out from the loss of blood and crash into an overpass imbuttment and die. Great, it happened just as you planned you evil, evil bitch.

“What do you think we should cover it with?” Dr Evil says. The evil doctor mentions something about a band-aid but the equally evil nurse says it’s not a good idea.

WTF, don't you two have a clue WTF you are doing? Ask what to do next? Didn't you plan the out? I know, you want me to bleed to death, right? Don’t either if you fucking care if I live or die? You bitches are so fucking evil.

“That one has a lot of adhesive around it” the evil nurse says, “It won’t be pleasant when he removes it. It will pull out a lot of hair and be painful.”

The sharp mind that I have remembers my blog entry about the Brazilian Wax a few entries back. “Yeah like a Brazilian Wax job.” I say.

Dr. Evil laughs, but the nurse doesn’t know what I mean, so she asks what a Brazilian Wax job is. The doctor explains it to her, but I also jump in and briefly describe the contents of my blog entry. The nurse says no way she is going to have that done. The doctor tells her you get used to it.

That was all I needed to jolt me back to reality, talking to two chicks about waxing their privates. I remembered the flash video with the waxer standing over the waxee, ripping out pubes and ass hair. I put myself into the place of the waxer and all of a sudden, Dr. Evil Dominatrix is transformed back into Dr. Cutie. I picture Dr. Cutie being the waxee in the flash video. She’s nekkid from the waist down and I can picture me ripping her pubes from her body.

“Jab me with fucking sharp objects will you bitch? Burn me with a branding iron will you?” the evil Doctor BTExpress says. “Take off your pants, right now bitch, and get up on the table. Okay, spread them so I can get a good look. Ha, ha, now it’s my turn to torture you.

"This may hurt a little, as I rip out your pubs in large clumps, but live with it.”

”Ha, ha, ha!!! Shut up bitch, revenge is sweet my dear, revenge is sweet. Ha, ha, ha!!!”, says the evil Doctor BTExpress.

Ladies, has anything like this happened to you?

You meet the perfect man. You hit it off, so you invite him over for a nice romantic evening. Everything is going smoothly, so you take him by the hand to escort him into the bedroom. You turn the corner into the hall, and what do you see? Your dog, carrying this…
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When I first saw this I was ROTFLMAO.

I have a joke for you

What is black and white and red all over?

Just kidding, just kidding.

Harvey and Martha are getting married later that day and Harvey is very nervous. See, Harvey has never had sex and really has no idea what to do on the wedding night, so he asks his dad to tell him all about sex.

Harvey's dad tells him, "There really isn't enough time to explain everything, but I have an idea. After the ceremony, take Martha to the cabin we have in the woods. When you get into bed, you'll see a hole in the wall next to the bed. I'll be right outside, on the other side of the wall. If you have any questions, just ask me."

So after the ceremony the Harvey and Martha goes up to the cabin. To make a long story short, they go into the bedroom. Martha strips and hops into bed, and calls for Harvey to join her. Harvey wants to make sure dad is there, so he excuses himself and goes outside to look for dad.

While Martha is waiting, she gets the urge to go to take a dump. Now the cabin doesn't have a bathroom, just an outhouse. Martha being naked and all can't very well go outside naked, so she looks around to see where she can go, and finds a shoe box. She does her business in the shoe box and puts the box in the closet until she can dispose of it later.

About that time, Harvey, satisfied his dad is right outside, comes back inside and goes into the bedroom. Harvey strips down and sees hot looking Martha, all naked and stuff. He gets really nervous at this point, which, of course, makes him have to pee.

He tells this to Martha and Martha says, "There isn't a bathroom in the cabin. but I put a box in the closet you can go in."

Harvey walks over to the closet, opens the door, steps in the closet, and steps right into the box of shit.

Harvey screams. "Oh my god, there's shit in the box!"

Dad yells out from the other side of the wall, "ROLL HER OVER STUPID!"


Okay, okay, let me have it. But you know what? I like this one.

HNT Man Ass

In keeping with my last Half-Nekkid Thursday post, I decided I would dig out another one of my boating pictures. This one is a picture Phil's wife took of our butt cleavage while we were working on replacing the shore power receptacles on their boat. One of the receptacles burned out in the middle of the night, and doing what boaters do to help each other, we pitched in to replace it. Well, I did the actual replacing, me being the electrical and electronics expert of the group. The other two guys were there to hand me the tools, get in the way and provide moral support.

If Man Ass isn’t for you, you can find links to other HNT pictures, and also find out all about Half-Nekkid Thursday here.

The Story of Loosing My Virginity

The Date: It was 1968, I think it was July, but maybe August, but do you really care?
The Age: 19 years old
The Place: Good Old’ Columbia South Carolina
The Reason for Being in That Shit Hole: I was in the US Army learning to be an Infantryman. Yep, I was drafted in May of that year, destined to be just another poor grunt to get shot in Vietnam, or in my case blown up. But that’s another story.


Basic training at Fort Jackson was very restrictive, but once that was over, we were all sent to AIT (Advanced Individual Training) to learn the job we would do for the next two years. I was selected to be a sacrificial lamb and train as a grunt, i.e., infantryman, so I didn’t leave Fort Jackson. I was just sent to another part of the base.

While I was in AIT, most weekends I was off and pretty much free to do what I wanted. I usually choose to spend my weekends in downtown Columbia, South Carolina, if I had any money.

When we went into Columbia, I always checked into the same crappy hotel, because it was the cheapest. I drank beer in the cheapest bars and occasionally ate somewhere, also cheap. That was pretty much all I ever did until the night I lost my virginity.

I was in Columbia that weekend, drinking and occasionally eating, like I always did, and was with one of my friends, I’ve long ago forgotten his name, but that’s not important. We just left one of the seedy bars we always frequented, and were on our way back to the hotel, when my friend spotted two girls. One was pretty good looking with a nice body, and one a little not so nice looking, and on the heavy side. I’ll give you one guess, which one I eventually wound up with.

My friend walks over to the girls, talks to them for a half a minute and then comes back over to me. He tells me he wants to hook up with these ladies, but it will cost us each $15.

Let me tell you, I don’t want to do this, no fucking way. I’d only had two girlfriends in my entire life up to that point, and I’d never even got past touching one of the girl’s boobs, over her clothes. Now he is crazy if he thinks I am going to jump ahead to actual fucking. Not on his ever loving life. The thought of fucking one of those girls scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t believe that he actually wanted me, a virgin’s virgin, to actually screw some strange girl he saw on the street. I had to make up an excuse to get out of this.

“I don’t have enough money, I only have $3.00.”
“That’s okay, I have money. Let me see how much I have.”
“Okay. I got $21.00.”
“That’s not enough,” relieved that we were short the cash.
“But with your $3.00, and my $21, that makes $24.00. Let’s see if they’ll take it. I’ll loan you the difference.”
“I’m not going to owe you money for this. Let’s just get out of here.”
“Okay, I’ll give you the money. You won’t owe me.”
“Let’s leave and go get some more beers.”
“What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever had sex before?”
“Sure I have, plenty of times.”
“So then, what’s the problem?”

Son-of-a-bitch, he played the “Virgin” card on me. Damn, I couldn’t tell him I was a virgin, now could I?

“No problem, see if they’ll take it.” I say.

I prayed they turned him down, but just my luck, they agreed to the price. We walked back to their place. It wasn’t that far, just a short walk outside of town. We get to their place, a house with a porch and no front door, no shit, no front door. We walk in and one of the girls walks up to this guy and talks to him. The other girl walks over to bathroom and sits down to pee. No door on that room either. I remember thinking I can’t believe she is peeing right in front of everyone.

Well, she gets done peeing and all four of us walk into this room. It has one bed. My friend and his girl get on the bed, take off their clothes and start fucking. There is no room for the four of us on the bed, so the girl I’m with lays down on the floor fully clothed and lifts her skirt. She refuses to take off her clothes.

I look down and "it" is right there, staring me in the face. The biggest, hairiest muff I'd ever seen. Not that I'd seen any muffs up to that point, but now that I've seen a few in my days, it really was the biggest and hairiest I was ever going to see. I drop my pants, get down on the floor between her legs, and for some unknown reason, I’m thinking a miracle at that point, I find my way to home base, first shot. I start doing my thing. Then as soon as I started, I cum, but I don’t loose a stroke. I just keep going and going, you know, like the Energizer Bunny, just like nothing happened.

I didn’t pay $12.00 for this shit to end in a minute-30, so I’m getting my money’s worth out of this. I figure I’ll just going to keep going until she makes me stop. No sooner as that thought crossed my mind, she says,

“You done yet?”
“No, not yet.”
“Hurry up.”

I don’t say a word and just keep fucking. Next thing I know, there’s a knock on the door. She pushes me off and says times up. My friend’s girl pushes him off, and jumps off the bed and gets dressed. I pull up my pants and my friend gets dressed complaining about how fast that was, the whole time. The door opens and this guy says, “Times up. Now you two get out of here.” My friend shuts up. This whole adventure couldn’t have been more than 5 minutes, tops.

We go out into the hall and run into two guys we were in AIT with. They tell us things don’t look good, and we better get out of here quick, before we get our asses kicked. Now I have no idea what is going on, but being a white guy, in a black neighborhood, in the deep south in 1968, and being told things don’t look good, sets me running out the front door as fast as I could. The four of us took off together. We stuck to the back yards, hopping fences and hiding in bushes all the way back into town. I never looked backed.

Well, nobody followed us and we made it back to our hotel rooms in one piece. We were all safe and sound in those sleazy hotels in downtown Columbia South Carolina. The next morning I woke up alive, and caught the bus back to the base ready for my next adventure in Good Old'’ Columbia South Carolina.

The End

Google Results

I just checked StatCounter and, since Wednesday, a few people found my blog through Google and MSN Search with these searches.

• "water dripping" sharp "comfort t: I don't know what the whole search term was because it turned back no results when I clicked on it, because it didn't fit on StatCounters page.
• sextoy screwdriver rotates: I turned up #1 with this one
  
• flickrbooty photobucket: I'm #1 for this one too.
• bornfruit and "bornfruit.com/p1/": This one is a popular search (they sell the Jack Rabbit so, no wonder). This one brought me 5 visitors.
  
• Masturbation-a-thon San Francisco: That's over for this year, I think it was May. Maybe their planning ahead.

WARNING NUDITY!!!

This is my second Half-Nekkid Thursday post. I hope it doesn’t offend anyone.

This is a picture of me on the back of my boat, the BTEXPRESS (see picture at the top of my blog). I don’t remember exactly why I was mooning my sister-in-law that night, because I was probably drunk.

You do know that boaters, real boaters, have to tie their boat to a dock somewhere, and get drunk daily, to maintain their certification as a boater, right?

Don't you just hate it...

...when you go into the bathroom you hardly ever use, and haven't been in for at least a week, and see the water dripping fairly fast, and when you turn it off, realize it's the darn hot water that's been dripping for who knows how long?

COME ON PEOPLE!!!! HOT WATER TAKES PROPANE TO MAKE IT HOT, AND F**KING PROPANE IS MORE EXPENSIVE THAN F**KING GASOLINE RIGHT NOW!!!! WAKE THE FUCK UP, AND SHUT THE F**KING FAUCET OFF ALL THE WAY, WHEN YOU ARE DONE WASHING UP!!!! F**KING MONEY DOESN'T GROW ON F**KING TREES!!!!

Thank you,
The One Who Pays the f**cking bills

PS
I feel so much better now, thanks for listening.

Brian had a car accident…

…a little while ago at 1:30. Nobody got hurt and, this time, it wasn’t his fault.

He left for work about 1:00, stopped for something to eat and came right back home because he forgot the charger for his cell phone. A few minutes after he left, I get a phone call from him telling me he got in an accident, and where he was. Before I could ask him any questions, his phone went dead.

No what do I do? I can’t leave Barbara alone, so I can’t go rushing up to support him, so I try calling to get someone to stay with her. I call a few people before my next door neighbor gets out of the pool and comes over.

So I leave to drive up to the accident. I make the left, and could see the ¼ mile up the road, a lot of vehicles and flashing lights. I get closer and see the road is blocked off by cop cars, another cop car on the side of the road, two fire trucks and two ambulances. Now I get scared. WTF is all this equipment there? Did he get hurt? Did anyone get hurt? Are the cars on fire? OMFG, what is going on???!!!!

I park my car on the side of the road and begin searching the crowd, yes crowd, and finally see him. There must have been 50 people milling about. It looked like the whole neighborhood came out to see what happened. I get to him and he’s fine. He was going slowly, so the damage to the cars wasn’t that bad.

I help him take care of the technical stuff and then I go one way, and he goes another to call work to tell them what happened. My phone was charged.

The cops are directing traffic and firemen are putting stuff on the antifreeze that leaked out all over the road and sweep up the mess. Then they pull the cars off the road because there is quite a bit of traffic in the immediate area. We live down by the water, and the side road there, is the way everyone goes the get the ferries to Fire Island.

I walk over to the side of the road to get out of the way, lean against a fence and then I realized how proud he’s made me and how well he is handling the whole thing. I see that he at least learn a few things from his mother and me.

One is that he knows how to keep his priorities straight in times of hardship and stress, take care of business, and get the situation under control. Which he did very well.

The second is try to stay calm so you can think straight, and be better able to deal with what is at hand and the aftermath. You know what I mean? Tow trucks, police reports and insurance companies. He also did that very well too.

Then the third, during all this mess, never miss an opportunity. Let me explain that one.

The cops and fireman are all milling around, I’m watching all this going on and loose track of Brian. I walk over to the side of the road to get out of the way and lean up against a fence and the woman that lives there, walks over and starts a conversation with me, just small talk. We’re chatting and I look around for Brian and see him talking to a very attractive young woman, and he’s drinking a soda. I think, maybe she brought him a nice cold soda, because I’m sure he could use it.

She looked to be a little older than he is, he’s 23. I can see, not that I looked but just for a second, I swear, she’s got a nice tan (we do live down by the water) and she’s wearing one of those belly shirts, and very short shorts. I can see he's smiling, and all of a sudden doesn’t look sad anymore. In fact, he looks very happy. I see him laughing a little and so is she.

Then it dawns on me that we are both having conversations with strange women, and at a very trying time. Typical of me, the flirt that I am, but I didn’t know it was like him. I just smiled.

Now don’t get the wrong idea, we didn’t go out scouting for woman to hit on, they found us. And you all know as well as I do that in times like this, friendship is important for people, isn’t it. People need to be comforted, and it doesn’t hurt that it’s by lovely ladies, now does it?

You never know, the ladies could have been nurses, or social workers or something, and know that when people are stressed out, comforting is medicinal, right? They know how to calm people down, and take their mind off of their troubles, if only for a moment.

Brian instinctively knew, like I do, that one should accept compassion when it is offered, and that one will feel a whole lot better for it. I know I did, and I could tell he did too, if only for a moment.

Beside, one must always think of others feeling no matter what is happening to themselves. When someone offers one a shoulder to lean on, one must accept the offer. One doesn't want to make him or her, in this case her, feel bad and ignore his or her, in this case her, offer of comfort, now does one?

Yep, a chip off the old block. He makes me proud. ;-)

Brazilian Wax

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My 1st Half-Nekkid Thursday

I wanted to start off with something a little less risque so as not to excite y'all too much.


You too can participate in Half-Nekkid Thursday here.

I technically cooked again

I don't cook that often anymore, but I cooked Sunday dinner this weekend. I made Crusty Chicken Wrap Ups (boneless chicken thighs, herbs and grated cheese wrapped in crescent rolls, then brushed with egg and sprinkled with sesame seeds), broccoli with three cheese sauce (Green Giant frozen) and potatoes au gratin (Betty Crocker boxed at it finest).

Hey I said technically cooked, the chicken was prepared from scratch, so it still counts as cooking, doesn't it?

My AC Broke Part 8

I finally got my AC. It's not the central air I was talking about, but it's still air conditioning. This is the baby I got yesterday. Isn't it the most beautiful thing you ever saw? Shipped all the way from Brooklyn via UPS, for the paltry sum of $294 plus tax and free shipping.

Sharp AF-S100EX Review

Sharp's expanded line of Energy Star® air conditioners provides cool comfort all summer long. Sharp�s air conditioners not only exceed federal efficiency standards, they exceed design standards as well. Sleek and stylish, they will fit into your home design beautifully. Saving you energy and enhancing your decor, Sharp�s air conditioner line is too cool to pass up.

Features of the Sharp AF-S100EX include:

• Energy Star® Efficiency - Save money, save energy, and help preserve the environment! Sharp's Energy Star® qualified products exceed the existing federal efficiency standards for air conditioners by at least 10 percent which qualifies them to bear the Environmental Protection Agency's Energy Star® logo for energy efficiency.
• Library Quiet™ - Sharp air conditioners provide comfort without the added noise often associated with room air conditioners. Sharp delivers cool, quiet comfort.
• Rest Easy™ Remote - enables you to simply turn the unit on or off, adjust the temperature, change the fan speed, or set the delay timer with the touch of a button.
• Comfort Touch™ Controls - Convenience is standard with Sharp's user-friendly Comfort Touch controls. With a 12-hour timer delay on/off feature and one-degree temperature control, there's no more temperature guessing. Simply set the controls and forget about it!
• Washable One-Touch Filter - for easy removal and cleaning.
• 4-Way Air Direction - lets you direct the cool air where you want it most.
• Energy Saver Mode - When Energy Saver is selected, the thermostat automatically controls cooling and the fan automatically stops when the compressor is not operating.

I couldn’t wait to get it installed so as soon as I said hello to Barbara and her sister who just came over to visit, I was off and running. But first, I was off and running to the kitchen for a nice cold gin and tonic. You know, it’s a proven medical fact that you must drink lots of fluids when sweating a lot, by doing hard work, and in the medical journal I have, it says gin and tonic is an acceptable method for replenishing fluids and the minerals lost by sweating.

Now, as a public service, I am providing step-by-step instructions for installing a Sharp AF-S100EX. I think this will be helpful to you, because the instruction manual leaves out so many steps, at least many of extra steps I took.

1. Take AC out of the box and put it on the dining room table.
2. Read the directions that tell you have to take the chassis out of the cabinet.
3. Remove 6 screws, take off the front panel with the filter and attempt taking the chassis out.
4. No luck. Put AC back on the floor.
5. Remove chassis from cabinet by tugging, pulling, lifting, tugging, yanking, lifting and pulling some more.
6. Put cabinet on dining room table.
7. Install rail on the top of cabinet and try to install the right and left closure assemblies.
8. Next remove the rail installed in step 7 and turn it around because it was put on backwards.
9. Install the right and left closure assemblies and attach to cabinet using 6 small screws.
10. Install cabinet assembly in dining room window.
11. Slide open right and left closure to take up open space on either side of AC in the window.
12. Remove cabinet assembly install in step 10, and put it back on dining room table, because you forgot to install the window sash foam seal (adhesive type) to underside of window sash that they instructed on the first page of the installation instructions.
13. Go to kitchen and get some paper towels and spray cleaner on paper towels.
14. Clean sash on underside of window.
15. Install the window sash foam seal (adhesive type) to underside of window sash.
16. Go into kitchen and get scissors.
17. Cut off the excess window sash foam seal (adhesive type).
18. Repeat steps 10 and 11.
19. Go out to the garage and look for some wood scraps to fill space between the bottom channel and sill.
20. Take the only two pieces you can find back inside and hope they fill the space. Wow, they do.
21. Go into den and discover rechargeable drill is dead because it was put in charger backwards last time it was used.
22. Go down to the basement and search in vain for electric drill.
23. Go back to den and get hammer. Note: if you don’t have a drill, to drill pilot holes for screws, a hammer is an acceptable substitute to beat the suckers home if you can’t get them in using just a screwdriver.
24. Secure cabinet to space filler wood scraps with two screws, using screwdriver and hammer.
25. Forget securing the top angle and closure assemblies to window sash because the window is plastic and you’d only break it without drilling pilot hole. Note: I put the screwdriver I mentioned in the charger correctly in step 19 and will install the said screws today, maybe.
26. Slide chassis into cabinet.
27. Replace front panel and secure with four screws removed in step 2.
28. Now check to see if the power cord reaches the outlet, which now looks so darn far away. Wow, it just makes it.
29. Hurriedly turn on the AC and stand in front letting the quickly cooling air wash over your sweat drenched face.
30. Walk over and get your glass of gin and tonic and stand back in front of the AC and let the now cold air wash over your now not so sweat drenched face. Note: To save space, I left out the many times I refilled my glass with gin and tonic during the installation process.
31. Cut the window sash foam seal (non adhesive type) to length and seal the opening between the top window sash and outside window sash.
32. Leave mess scattered all over the living room and dining room to be cleaned up tonight by Brain when he gets home.
33. Promise to read the rest of the directions, also some other day.
34. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done and rejoice in knowing you will now be able to stop sweating profusely when you masturbate to the porno on the Spice channel and Playboy channel on the TV in the living room.

Finally got the washing machine fixed

Three fucking weeks, it took three fucking weeks for a GE repairman to finally get his ass back here to fix it!

I called for service 4 weeks ago because the agitator wasn't agitating in my washing machine. I didn't want to replace it if the repair was minor, so I called GE service. A few days later the serviceman came and checked it out. He told me it needed a coupling adapter, because it was stripped. He could order the part and replace for $174.

Well, $174 is less than replacing the washer so I said okay. Also, the service call already cost me $154, so for an extra $20 I'd let him do it.

Now here it is four weeks after the first call, and I finally have a washing machine that works.

I was home yesterday when he came because Sylvia couldn't come yesterday. I wish I wasn't here.

I took him down to the laundry area in the basement and watched him fixed it in less than 5 minutes. No shit, less than 5 minutes. He reaches in the washer, yanks up on the agitator and it pops off. He takes a wrench and removes one bolt holding the coupling on. Pops off the old coupling, puts on the new one and screws in the bolt. Tightens it and pushes the agitator back on. Closes the lid, turns on the machine and it works.

He felt bad for me and lowered the service charge, because I gave him the sad story about how I been waiting four weeks to get it fixed, how easy the repair was and about how last week the guy never showed up. So he lowers the service charge to $125, plus $6.25 for the part and then, of course, there is tax of $11.18, for a grand total of $142.41.

It took Sylvia yesterday and today to finally get all the laundry done. She's great. I'll miss her when she moves and I have to do it myself again.


Edit: My son has a big hamper of dirty laundry in his room, so it's not all done. I reminded him if he doesn't get them out of his room, they won't get done. Why is it so hard to get him to carry them the six feet out into the hall and put them with the rest of the dirty clothes instead of storing them in his room?

Happy Hour

Last night a small group of us from work went out for Happy Hour. It was the first time I've socialized in any form for a very, very long time. It was really nice just to hang out, drink and BS. They even had a couple trays of free food. One was a pasta, sausage and broccoli rabe dish and the other was muscles in garlic and oil; both excellent.

Gail, our hospice volunteer, has been bugging me to get out and do something for myself, but this was the first time I took her up on it. It was good to just get away from things at home, even if it was just for two hours.

As Seen on HBO's "Sex in the City"

I received an email with As seen on HBO's "Sex and The City" as the title. It peaked my interest, so I opened it. It was spam, of course, but for the infamous vibrator talked about by Carrie on HBO's Sex in the City. This is a picture of the cute little fellow.

It seems to be a very popular little guy with the ladies because they advertise it as #1 Top Selling Sex Toy. Wow, if it's that good, I couldn't possibly keep it to myself. I just have to get the word out to my lady friends, and any of you guys that may like it from behind. (Hey guys, I don't judge, what ever floats your boat I always say.)

If you try it, I'd be interested in knowing if you enjoyed it and if it stands up to the hype. Also keep in mind that pictures of you with the rabbit could make some very interesting pictures for Half Nekkid Thursday.

Here's the email if any of you are interested in evaluating the many joys of the vibrator with the little rabbit ears.

As seen on HBO's "Sex and The City"

http://bornfruit.com/p1/

This classic vibrator is a womans best friend...
The Jack Rabbit Vibrator is a dual control multi-speed vibrating and rotating 7 1/2" x 1 1/2" Vibrator. Made of a bright pink, pliant jelly, the tip is realistically sculpted. The rotating pearls in the center of the shaft provide both internal and external stimulation to all her sensitive spots While the pearled shaft rotates and vibrates, massaging her inside, the Jack Rabbit's ears are busy tickling her clitoris outside. The shaft and stimulator are controlled separately, so she can customize her experience every time.

Jack Rabbit Vibrator Features:

Dual Control Multi-Speed Vibrator
Rotating Pearls
Rabbit Ears for External Clitoral Stimulation
The Jack Rabbit is 7 1/2 inches long x 1 1/2 inches in diameter

To order 1 http://bornfruit.com/p1/

Boy am I pissed

The fucking GE repair man didn't show to fix my washing machine today. The thing broke down over two fucking weeks ago and it still isn't fixed.

I called the "toll free number" to see what happened and got a recording that says the service call has been rescheduled for next Tuesday.

WHAT THE FUCK THAT ALL ABOUT!!! YOU CALLED LAST NIGHT TO CONFIRM THE APPOINTMENT!!! THERE IS SOMEONE HERE 24 FUCKING HOURS A DAY TAKING CARE OF BARBARA!!!! SO WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU TODAY????!!!!!

I call some number at GE and get a hold of some fucking robot, all these CSD assholes are robots, and tell him I've been waiting three weeks to get my washing machine fixed. He checks the computer.

"Did you get the parts?"

"Yes, the middle of last week."

"Oh."

"I have no record of why he didn't show. I can't help with this, you need to talk to Customer Relations."

"So transfer me."

"They are closed now."

"Some what are there hours?"

"They are 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM, Monday through Friday"

"Okay, then what's their number?"

"One eight hundred....blah, blah, blah.........."

"Thanks."

"Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

I just hung up without saying a word. (The dumb ass.) I HATE THAT FUCKING QUESTION!!!

My Nephew is Going to Have a Baby

Well, not him exactly, his wife. She's expecting next March. Wow, nice, uh? Not so fast. They just got married on April frigging 23rd. Yeah right, about 2 1/2 months ago. I'm still in shock!

Here's the story.

Kathy came over this past Saturday for a visit and told us that Ad and Mel are going to have a baby. (Now I know why she came over) Barbara's first words were, "Oh wow." Mine were, "Umh fsi...humada, humada, huimada....the....uh....they're...holy...their...huh?" I swear, I couldn't speak. I just stood there mumbling like a mute for something like 15 seconds.

Kathy just smiled. You could tell she was forcing it, because I've seen that smile plenty of times in the past 35 years.

"Uh, wow. Why so quick?" I asked.

"She is 29 you know, did you know that she was older than Ad?"

I shook my head no.

"I guess the maternal urge has hit her. Wayne was shocked." (Kathy's husband)

"What about you?" I asked.

Again the forced smile, with "I'm going to be a grandmother. Can you believe it? A grandmother."

I just smiled and didn't ask her anything else, because I knew she was unhappy, so I just said, "Well, congratulate them for me, ok?"

I went back to the computer and Kathy spent a little more time visiting with Barbara.

Then I started doing the math. "Baby due next March. March plus three equals June. They get married on April 23rd and gets pregnant two months later. That's right, whole fucking two months. WTF were they thinking. They are going to have enough trouble adjusting to just being married, and now they're going have a baby. Idiots.

Then it dawns on me. My brother got married something like six months after he met Diane. She also got pregnant right away. After she had the baby, it wasn't two years before she took the kid and walked out on him. Yeah, he was an idiot too.

Only one guess to yesterday's question, ...

... and it was from Housewyfe Wendy. Since I had only one guess to yesterday's question, I will address this post to the her.

No Wendy, it wasn't Jesus that visited yesterday, it was Barbara's sister Kathy. And since your guess was also your first visit here, (thank you for visiting) you don't know the significance of that, so I will give you a little background info.

Barbara has three sisters; Kathy, Ann Marie and Debbie. Kathy is the sister that lives 1/4 mile away and never visits Barbara. Well, never is an exaggeration I suppose. I guess I should say almost never, just to be fair, because Kathy's last visit was July 1st and the one before that was Easter Sunday, March 27th. So never really is not correct. Ann Marie lives about 5 miles away and visits almost once a week when she is in the area (like 5 miles is exactly out of the area and chore to travel). Debbie lives in Florida near their parents, and I may be wrong, but I think was here right after Barbara's first brain surgery in July 2003.

So Wendy, yesterday's visit was really a surprise to me, which is why I posted the "do you know who showed up" question yesterday.

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!

You'll never guess who showed up before. You'll never fucking guess.

Go ahead and try, but you'll never get it.

Go ahead and try, I'll give you some time.

Sylvia

I've mentioned her before, she's my wife's caregiver. She called in sick this morning because she has a problem with her mouth and had to go to the doctor or dentist or something. Don't really know where she went, as there is still somewhat of a language barrier with her recently coming here from the Dominican Republic and all.

That being said, I decided, to take the day off today. I could have worked at home, on-line, but decide to go back to sleep and make it a three day weekend. It's no big deal really being off. I don't get to do anything special, or even go outside, but I still had the day off which ain't a bad thing, no matter how you look at it.

I got to stay in my bathrobe, read blogs and browse my favorite "Over 18 Free Video" sight and do what one would do with ones self, while watching "Over 18 Free Videos". ;)

My Vertigo

It seems to have subsided as I can actually roll over without the room spinning. I guess it's time to cut back on the meds from three times a day to two times. Wish me luck.

Uh......

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail-in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.


All of them are interesting, but a lot of them make me sad.

My AC Broke, Part 7

I just looked at the thermostat in the hall, and it reads 81F. Damn, I'm tired of not having AC.

Just to keep you updated; the first two central air contractors gave me prices of $3,200 and $3500, but never sent the estimates (guess they don't want the jobs). The third guy was $5,200 (he left the estimate before he left that evening). I got a post card in the mail yesterday from another contractor and left a message on his answering machine a little while ago to call me. I hope this guy is closer to the first two.

I saw the weather forecast and it looks like Tuesday it will get up to 92F. Damn, that's hot. I wonder what the temperature in the hall will be that day?

Yep, it's vertigo

I went to the doctor this morning and he confirmed I have vertigo. I had a 10:45 appointment and got there a few minutes early as I don't like to be anywhere late. I get called into the exam room about 10 minutes later at about 10:50. Not bad I think, only waited 10 minutes. But the inevitable wait for the doctor to show started.

As the wait progressed, I thought, "Good thing I brought the newspaper". It wasn't enough reading material for the wait though, because I read the whole thing through and started it over a second time before he finally showed up at a little after 11:30.

Well, we talked a little, he asked how Barbara was doing, I complained about my lack of sleep the past week or so because of her agitation and the hallucinations, small talk over and we got down to why I was there.

"I can't sleep on my back. Everytime I roll over and my head gets vertical, BAM!!!, I start spinning out of control. The spinning lasts for like 30 seconds."

That may not seem like a long time to you guys, but it is. I hate vertigo.

He says I probably have an inner ear infection which is causing the vertigo. He says he wants to take my blood pressure, take some blood, do an EKG of my heart and check the pressure in my ears.

I wanted to say, "Look doc, like I said on the phone, I have fucking vertigo! I've had it before and I know what it is. Just give the fucking prescription and let me out of here. I don't need all this extra money making, for you, tests to prove what we both already know, is wrong with me, I have vertigo."

He says the nurse will be in a minute (fat fucking chance of that) to take the tests.

Now I wait another 15 minutes. She pushes in the first cart, does some tests. Then pushes in the second cart and does some more tests. "What did the ear pressure test show", I asked. "I don't know how to read that, the doctor will be in in a minute."

LMFAO, a minute? Doctors watches shouldn't even have minute hands. They don't know what a minute is.

Now I start looking looking around the exam room.

"Free Viagra. Buy 5 prescriptions and get the sixth free". Not now, but someday.

"Do you have low testosterone?" No pamphlet but a cute little electronic game type thing with yes or no answers.

Then there's the chart with the wife complaining about her husbands snoring. "Do you have sleep apnea?" it asks.

What else?

Hey, another little electronic push the yes or no answer things about getting an erection. I push the on button, but the batteries are dead on this one.

The doc comes in about this time and tells me my heart is fine, he's sending the blood out to have it tested and my ear pressure is a little low probably because I have fluid in my ears, which is screwing up my balance.

Now for what we've all been waiting for, the diagnosis.

"You have vertigo."

I wanted to say, "No fucking shit. Isn't that I told you when I walked in? Look doc, like I said on the phone, and again when I got here, I know I have fucking vertigo! I've had it before and I know what it is. You should have just given me the fucking prescription and let me out of here. I didn't need to spend all this time here waiting and all this extra money making, for you, tests to know what we both already knew, is wrong with me."

"I want to see you in a week to see if it's better. Check with the appointment desk in the back. See you in a week."

Sure I will. My vertigo will be gone in a few days and I will be better next week so I'm canceling the appointment early next week, and I'm not wasting another 1/2 day for you to agree with me that I'm fine.

Unless, I don't really have vertigo and I really am dieing. In that case I will be back next week complaining about why you didn't diagnose my fatal disease last week.

Oh, I got out of there at a little after 12:00. Not bad, it usually takes longer.

Damn, I have vertigo again.

Did you ever roll over in bed and have the room spin VIOLENTLY for about 30 seconds? No? You are very, very lucky. It happened to me again last night, third time in two years. I hate this shit!!!! Anybody know what causes it? I'm not dieing am I?

It dawned on me why I liked the picture in my last post so much

Eighth grade English and lucky enough to be in the hot teacher's class. She sat on her desk facing the class, looked down and noticed she had a run in her stocking just like the one in the picture. I remember her picking at the run and telling us she was upset because the stocking ran down, and she still had the whole day to get through with a run in them. She said she would try to stop it from running anymore by putting nail polish on the run.

(Now this is where it gets good, for an eighth grader anyway.)

She leans back over her desk to get her pocket book out of the drawer. Now I could see her thigh almost to her panties as she leaned back. Oh how I wanted to catch a glimpse of panties. The only ones I seen up to that point were my little sister's or my mom's hanging on a clothes line and there is nothing erotic about that. She took the nail polish out of her pocket book and dabbed a little on the run.

Which reminds me of another story about that school.

It may or may not have been the same class, but I remember unthinkingly scratching my balls one day and one of the very few girls in school with real boobs, not tissue stuffed bra boobs, but real ones, asked me if she could scratch them for me. I was so embarrassed and of course I said no.

What a dick I was.

She was also the same girl who intercepted a note to some guy and tucked it in her bra. She made him go in and get it. She stood there in front of us all and let the guy feel her up, INSIDE HER BRA! Can you believe it?

Damn, I'm glad I have a good long term memory.

Then there was the time in ninth grade, or was it tenth, when I actually got to touch a girls boobs for the first time.

Never mind, your probably not interested in hearing this stuff.

It dawned on me why I liked the picture in my last post so much

Eighth grade English and lucky enough to be in the hot teacher's class. She sat on her desk facing the class, looked down and noticed she had a run in her stocking just like the one in the picture. I remember her picking at the run and telling us she was upset because the stocking ran down, and she still had the whole day to get through with a run in them. She said she would try to stop it from running anymore by putting nail polish on the run.

(Now this is where it gets good, for an eighth grader anyway.)

She leans back over her desk to get her pocket book out of the drawer. Now I could see her thigh almost to her panties as she leaned back. Oh how I wanted to catch a glimpse of panties. The only ones I seen up to that point were my little sister's or my mom's hanging on a clothes line and there is nothing erotic about that. She took the nail polish out of her pocket book and dabbed a little on the run.

Which reminds me of another story about that school.

It may or may not have been the same class, but I remember unthinkingly scratching my balls one day and one of the very few girls in school with real boobs, not tissue stuffed bra boobs, but real ones, asked me if she could scratch them for me. I was so embarrassed and of course I said no.

What a dick I was.

She was also the same girl who intercepted a note to some guy and tucked it in her bra. She made him go in and get it. She stood there in front of us all and let the guy feel her up, INSIDE HER BRA! Can you believe it?

Damn, I'm glad I have a good long term memory.

Then there was the time in ninth grade, or was it tenth, when I actually got to touch a girls boobs for the first time.

Never mind, your probably not interested in hearing this stuff.

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, ...

...naw, I'm not ashamed to admit it, or I wouldn't post this.

I was checking out one of my favorite blogs just now, Lusty Lady, and saw a link to Flickrbooty. I must say, it is worth a visit for all you lovers of.........of.........., how do I put this delicately ......., female nakedness.

Here's my favorite picture from the site.
















I wonder why, with all the naked pictures of women, this was my favorite photo?

I got the ricotta...

...but the chicken was going to spoil, so I fried up the cutlets in italian bread crumbs instead. I got the idea from Amber, sort of. She recommended Recipes.com. So this afternoon I went there and that made me feel like cooking, so I did. Thanks Amber.

Guess what I forgot to buy?

Ricotta. I was going to make a ricotta and peas omelet for dinner tonight, but without ricotta, it doesn't work. So I made beef stroganoff Hamburger Helper instead. The hospice volunteer called and is coming Sunday for a couple hours so I'll add ricotta to my shopping list and get it when I do my weekly food shopping.

Now, where did I put the pad for a shopping list? Aw, never mind, I'll remember.

You'll never guess

I actually cooked tonight. I know, I know, it's been awhile, but I actually cooked. It was pretty simple really and nothing special, but it counts as cooking as far as I'm concerned.

I sauted a few pork chops and large onion in a little peanut oil for 10 minutes, then deglazed the pan with a little white wine. While that was cooking, I diced some celery and added it to 2 cups of Stove Top Stuffing mix, 2 table spoons of butter and a cup of water. I nuked that for, I forget how long but it was for however long the package said to nuke it. I took the pork chops out of the pan and put them on a dish. Then I poured about 3/4 cup of Jack Daniels BBQ sauce over the onions and finished cooking them, which was for about 5 more minutes, I think. I had to do that because I forgot to put the onions in with the pork chops. Once the onions were done, I put them back in the pan and scooped the onion and BBQ sauce mixture over the the top. Next I spooned the stuffing around the pork chops. I covered the pan and turned down the heat to low and finished cooking them for however long it took me to finish my gin and tonic and nuke a package of frozen peas.

Barbara hadn't eaten since breakfast so I shared the pork chops with her, we had two of them. When Brian came home, which wasn't too long ago actually, about 12:45, he ate the leftover pork chop and stuffing. He doesn't eat peas so they are still in the refrigerator. I think I'll make a rigotta omelet with them tomorrow night if I remember to stop and buy the rigotta.

For the last few months I can count on one hand, how many times I've actually cooked. But what's the point? Brian works six days a week, usually from 2:00 till 10:30, so he's almost never home when I eat. You never know when Barbara's going to eat. Her caregivers have been feeding her when she's hungry, and you never know when that will be. Most of the time she eats lunch late in the day before I get home from work. Lately it's been 3:00 or 4:00.

So who feels like cooking for one? Not me, that's for sure. That's why I don't cook.

So what do I eat you ask? It's either anything I can get delivered, frozen somethings or one-step packaged meals like tuna helper, but mostly frozen. But that is all in the past because tonight I actually cooked.

Any suggetions for a pork loin? I thawed it out and need to cook it before it goes bad. I was thinking something with a large can of cling peaches. What do you think?

HALLELUJAH!!!

Guess who finally showed up today? Barbara's sister Kathy. I told you about her before. She's Barbara's next youngest sister, she has three. The last time she showed her face over here for a visit was Easter. Fucking Easter!

But maybe I'm being too hard on her. She does live a whole 1/4 mile away and maybe that's too far for her to travel and she has stopped by a few times since Easter, but Barbara was always asleep so just turned around and left.

Today Kathy came while I was at work, and I hope it's the same way if, and when she shows up the next time. I'm not very happy about her not visiting, and it would show. I'm figuring at the rate Kathy visits, her next one will be for Barbara's birthday in September.