As many of you know, my in laws have pretty much ignored us since my wife passed away. I gave making contact with them one last time right before Mother's Day. I sent my mother in law flowers. One of the things I said in the card was, "I don't know what we did blah, blah, blah". I didn't hear from her until yesterday when I received a thank you card.
It started off well, with thanking me for taking such good care of her daughter and that she will never forget it. Then there was a big BUT and then it got a little bit cryptic with things like "my escapades", and "if I showed up at her place with another woman, it would kill her to see that she replaced her daughter" and "have a good life".
I wanted clarification, so I called her. I could tell she was very uncomfortable talking to me when I asked her to clarify what "escapades" meant. She hemmed and hawed and then put my sister in law on. She told me that she had found me online and that she told everyone in the family what she saw.
I thought about it all night and finally put it all together. They found my blog.
You know that I held almost nothing back about my life in my blog. The good, the bad, the ugly and the naughty side of my life for a very long time. They didn't like that I was dating someone and fell in love (i.e., replacing my late wife), which I'm sure triggered them to ignore me. They read things I've said critical of them avoiding my wife during her illness. They read my HNTs, which can be pretty naughty sometimes. They read many things that they didn't like, became very judgmental and wanted me out of their life. That's what I was told yesterday.
To keep them from learning anymore about me and my life, I deleted my YouTube account (with several naughty videos) and I closed my regular and HNT blogs.
That about it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I will still be visiting your blogs under my old name to keep this blog private, but will not use it here. Matter a fact, I'm not going use any of the names I've ever used, real or not, so please don't use them here. My name shall now be Joseph, my girl friend's Lynn and my son's Anthony.
Last but not least, I'll leave this post up for a while, then delete it. I just wanted to let you, my friends, know why I did what I did.
30 comments:
Ah yes FAMILY! I too have one of those, that judge. But mine ( actually hubby's) is a little more stupidier(is that a word lol?)My hubby family wont even call him family because his mom had him out of wedlock. So in fact the first half of the family are actually his cousins and all his real siblings dont even call him brother( he is only one with different last name out of both halfs!)
YAY...I would have missed you SO much! I know Robert has gotten a bit bent out of shape and he thought I was on here to "pick up" people...WTF! He thought that nobody knew about him. I told him I could give him everyone's email address that I was friends with and he could see for himself. I have been kind of thinking going private myself. Just getting a bit burnt out. Now that I am a working fool.
XO
Took me a little work to figure out who the hell this was! What a shock! I hope that you can find some sort of way to make it back without any hassles. You're a legend. An institution. An all-around good person!
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I guess we all have those fears of being discovered, and not knowing what we would do if we were. I feel like your blogs have been so healing for you, and I'm sorry that your inlaws are trying to deny you that. I hope that you can leave your Vietnam blog up, because it is informational and interesting to a lot of people.
I hope you're ok. I know this had to hurt. A lot.
Thanks for letting me into the new place. I would hate to lose your friendship. I'm sorry that your former in-laws have put you in this spot & I realize that you have a long history with them, but they need to understand that they are former relatives. You decided that it was time to move on & they should, too. I know you didn't make that decision lightly. Hugs!
damn, i am so sorry to hear it. i'm glad you're ok but just sorry to hear about the flak you've taken. i'm sorry it's come to this. glad to know you aren't disappearing completely though. hugs to you.
it's just so hard for people who aren't wired to understand.
Gosh, sweet sweet "Joseph", I just hate to hear this has happened to you (and "Lynne").
Someone recently quit me, too, so I have fresh feelings on being dumped, but this is so much more that the 2 of you are going thru... wow, kinda puts my petty issue into perspective.
It's such a shame that others can't be HAPPY for you... especially after all you've been through! I mean, damn, it's a WONDERFUL thing that you've found love again in such an exceptional lady as "Lynne". It's your RIGHT to express yourself in whatever way you want to, online or anywhere else... and your blog is YOURS. It's your property, for christ's sake.
I'm so sorry you felt pressure to close it all down & go into hiding like this.
I just don't understand how/why families can be the closest units in existence and at the same time, the cruelest, with the most narcissistic, selfish individuals, when it comes to OTHER members of the family. -- Just damn, how the matter can be expressed by them in such a way that it's all about former-Mom-in-law and the "family" and not about YOU and what YOU deserve or need at all.
That's ridiculous & so sad when others can't see beyond themselves.
I will follow your new "guidelines" or what-have-you, to ensure your anonymity... Just don't let them make you leave for real and for good, k?
*big hugs to you both*
ps. Thanks for keeping me "in".
*big hugs*
thanks for keeping me in but I have no idea who you are. If you want to clue me in, shoot me an email at manchmom@yahoo. Sorry you're having troubles, in any case.
Happy to hear you're okay. I admire you so much for living your life to the fullest and doing what makes you happy. Don't let the inlaws bring you down.
Man - I would think the in-laws would be happy that you've found love again and that you are enjoying life. Did they expect you to hide away and be a hermit for the rest of your life? Continue soaring with the eagles and don't let the turkeys get you down, hon. Kisses and hugs to you and "Lynne"
I guess the family crap just never ends huh?? ugh. Glad you are still with us!
I'll just have to stop using names because I'll never remember the new ones. I only hope I remember to come to the new location.
It's too bad they can't be happy for you. Such a shame. I was actually worried something had happened with "Lynne".
Gab - Hubby's is about as complicated as they come. But he's still a brother, so they should accept him.
What am I saying? My brother has a daughter from his first wife, that the second wife refused to accept. He has two kids by the second wife and they have a sister they've never seen. They only lived 15 minutes a part and he went along with it. I just don't get it.
Jillie - You have nothing to hide form Robert, so why hide. I hide because the in laws didn't like what they've seen on the blog. They called it escapades. I guess that's short for perversion to them. They just don't see the humor in all I've done.
Os - I'll be back, but probably under this new name. I want to wait for things to cool off for a while. Kind of like when you rob a bank.
Sis B - Sure it hurt. I've known these people for 38 years and just because I got a girl friend they wanted nothing to do with me. While I was taking care of Barbara they all called me a angle, a blessing, a saint, and every other like name you can think of. Then nothing after she died.
The Vietnam blog stays right where it is. None of my recent personal life is there, so there's nothing to hide from THEM!
Q - They made the decision to shut me out of their life, not me. I moved on, as any young person (yes, I consider myself young, at heart anyway). I would have liked nothing better than to have them all as my family.
Lime - Thank you my dear, dear friend.
Lil Bit - Thanks hun. I'm sorry you have been hurt, but shit happens and if we handle it correctly, we grow stronger each time. I've had my share of "shit" and have tried to move on and grow each time. That's all we can do. We can't control what other do or think of us, nor should we. We just have to move on as I will continue to do.
A - Thank you so much. Your very special to me as you were my first.
Get your mind out of the gutters folks! She was my first commenter on the BTE blog and has been with me ever since.
Bunny - I will never let them get me for long. In the short term yes, but not for long. My mom and step mom are happy for me, so why not them?
Bad Bad Girl - It never ends, but we are supposed to figure out a way to make it all better as family, why can't they? But I guess we were only family as long as Barbara was around. Sort of like when people get divorced, they all go their own way. That's too bad.
TUG - If anything that serious would have happened, I would have posted the info on my blog.
I didn't like that THEY were watching me every step of the way and judging me so badly and then talking to everyone about what a bad person I was behind my back. So I blocked them out of my life as they blocked me out of their's.
Thank you Tony for the clarification. You didn't HAVE to tell us but I appreciate that you did. It's nice you are respectful of your in-laws feelings. Too bad they aren't respectful of you too. I hate psuedonyms but i'll adjust LOL It's not too hard to confuse me ;)
joseph & lynne!--i'm so happy you're still around! (and still letting me hang around here!). i'm sure this situation is as painful to lynne as it is to you...i'm so sorry for that, joseph, but, as you know, you can't get the good without some bad, right?
You have to tell how you came up with the name of the blog. I can infer on my own, but I'm probably wrong.
Crap I already effed up, can you go in and change it? SORRY! Toldja i'm easily confused!
I've been in your position before. A nosy aunt found me. I shut down mine a little over 2 years ago, went private, and haven't looked back since. I don't understand sometimes why some people think they know what is best for every other person in existence.
I'm glad you're still around. And I'm glad you and Lynne are doing so well.
You do truly deserve to be happy with her. You deserve every good thing that has happened to you since she's entered your life. :)
So sorry to hear what happened. I've always admired your straight-forward and honest approach to blogging and life in general. You've shown us in so many ways how to pick up and keep going, how to have faith in life and, bottom line, how to find joy and love.
You continue to inspire me. Thanks for the invite.
Well, that's a kick in the pants. Sorry you've had to make the moves you have, but it's very understandable. Thanks for letting us know. I do hope you will continue to stop and see us, too.
hunny - I am so sorry. You know the saying you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. I have an aunt named Rachel who is just like that. Her daughter died and she stopped talking to me - still doesnt to this day. I paid for the funeral - helped her through out the whole ordeal. Understand that you have done nothing wrong. You know I really do applaud you for being with your new gf because I am sure after reading your post about your life with your wife it was not something easy to do. You deserve the good that comes in your life. You earned it hand over fist. I am sure your wife loved you enough to want to see you happy - and would rather that you not be alone. We all have sides of ourselves - and the people who love us accept them. I wish you didnt have to close all your accounts. It is not fair that you have to hide. You should always be free to do whatever you want - you fought to let us all have our rights how come you don't have yours? If their guilt is better subsided by blaming you for making peace and getting on with your life then F*CK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. You know the saying "Misery loves company" and in this case it is so blatantly obvious - it's sick.
We went through something similar, which led to our change, too, but all worked out okay in the end. I hope your situation does too. Thinking of you...
OK there were only like 500 typos in my above post is all so I deleted it!
I would like to think that your angel sent you someone special to love.
You just keep on loving each other and it will all be fine.
Welcome to your new home.
I hate to say it but when you lose a spouse it is unreal to think you will never move on. You still love your wife even though you now have someone else you care about.
I am just glad you found out so you can move on and protect yourself. Best wishes to you Joseph and Lynn.
Jillie even though I don't know you as much as I know some people I think you have always been friendly but that is it. Robert has nothing to worry about. You have enough going on as it is, why would you need to pick someone up? Maybe a new puppy but... I know I have tried to explain online to people but somehow no one ever understands.
We love and are always in complete support of you, your big heart, your wonderful personality, and all of your honesty and desires. And you know we adore your sexy little gf and your relationship together as well.
xoxo
Tara
Sorry to hear of this BT
You know that you did all the best you could for your wife and have many great memories. Don't let your judgmental inlaws diminish this for you.
And you should be proud that you had the courage to love and live your life happily again.
I'm sure your wife would have wanted this to you
the loving , fun (and yes kinky) man that you are.
You make us all laugh.
As for having to go private because of family.
You sound like you are still shaken up about being judged
and it does make you feel naked
no pun intended.
But after awhile you will get on with it and be yourself again.
I use my name and I'm private and invite only bloggers and friends.
You can say and do whatever you want when you are private but you may find you will have less readers.
To get around this, you may want to keep one blog open, one closed. That way you can invite others when you get to know them.
Is too bad we have to cencor ourselves so much. My sisterinlaw and X's became obsessed with my blog and they were the ones causing the problem. I finally had to go private.
Here my daughter has the number one blog in Canada and her mom must stay private because apparently, we middle aged people are judged more harshley for having too much fun.
Keep your spirits up
I am glad you are not alone!! Your feelings for Lori does not reflect on your late wife at all.... all the best my friend.
*Sigh* That really sucks. I had a similar 'issue' when my ex husband told his family (whom I had been very close to) about my old blog. They did things like....print the entire damn thing out and then distribute it to anyone who they could talk into reading it. Things were taken out of context and although their son was a total ass in our marriage, they used bits and pieces of my blog against me and turn others in the family (including my own) against me.
Judgmental people suck. I'm sorry they discovered your blog and you had to take it all down/move.
But I'm REALLY glad you didn't let them bring you down and you just moved to a more private place.
You would think they would be happy that you could move on happily with someone else. As opposed to being miserable and lonely. *Sigh* People...
Good for you for not running off for good. I was just starting to read and enjoy your blog. =)
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