LONG ISLAND

I've lived on Long Island for over 47 years and can relate to everyone of these. If you ever lived there, you can relate, If not, then I guess most of this won't make sense at all.

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You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you almost never go there.

When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't.

You think if you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York.

You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.

You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "The City".

You never realize you have an accent till you leave.

Everything north of the Bronx is "upstate." New Jersey sucks.

At some point in your life you've gone clamming.

Either your parents or your grandparents lived in the city.

You'd pay $11.50 for a movie.

You don't live in Long Island. You live ON Long Island.

Your distant future might involve the state of Florida.

You can correctly pronounce places like Ronkonkoma, Hauppauge, Wantagh, Mineola, Islandia, and Massapequa.

You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.

You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."

You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.

No, you don't want mustard on that burger!!

You can't understand why a diner would ever close.

You've had a seagull crap on your car.

You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville.

You went to an elementary school that promoted dodge ball as the number 1 game among children 7-13.

You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks but you periodically "Get the Crave".

You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan.

You think that somehow, the Jets and giants still play in New York.

You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.

You or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.

Quick! Who's your county Executive? Don't know do you?

You've never taken an MTA bus.

The Long Island Expressway isn't really as bad as everybody thinks.

You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.

You know which parts of the godfather were filmed on Long Island.

You've paid a $10 cover charge to get in to a bar, but got nothing for it.

You miss wiffle ball and running through sprinklers.

You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.

Billy Joel said it best, "either you date a rich girl from The North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore ".

You don't really see the big deal about the Hamptons, unless you got smashed at the Bordy Barn.

When people ask, "where are you from?" you answer Lawn Guy Land and automatically assume everyone in the world knows that answer means New York.

You've always liked Billy Joel and you own several of his "records."

The Belt Parkway sucks! You've been stuck in a traffic jam for more than 2 hours (without moving).

Your parents took you to All American, Nathan's or Carvel (on the way home from the beach).

Regular gas - $3.29 and you still pay it!!!

You hate paying tolls.

You don't have to go far to see your family.

You remember Grumman.

You've gotten drunk on the bleachers of some high school.

You know the color of the water at Jones Beach is not BLUE!

You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy's and Arby's closed for good.

You can spout off all the LIRR stops between Penn Station and Ronkonkoma.

Paying $35 for a haircut doesn't sound so crazy.

You think the people from Brooklyn are "da wunz dat tawk wit a accent."

You went sledding in the sumps. You've partied on a golf course in the middle of the night.

You knew of Massapequa before the Amy Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco nightmare.

You think going to Queens is a hike.

The first time you heard the term "Long Island Iced Tea" you were somewhere else and you laughed.

When you live somewhere else and are astounded to see that people actually stop at yellow lights.

When you just sort of presume that wherever you live, you'll be able to find good delis, good pizza, and good bagels.

You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island.

When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands...it becomes normal to you.

No word ends in an ER, just an AH.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island.